Dear Vader,

I feel you. My husband was 52 years old and died suddently of a massive stroke 3 weeks ago. I think people don't really know what to say sometimes. There's the group that just wants you to get over it and then there's the group with all of the "only God knows" advice. Right now all I can do is greive and mourn. My husband was a good man and I miss him dearly. I don't even want to be around people who don't want me to acknowledge my grief. I'm sorry to hear about Brad. You have every right to your grief..

Vadar, I do understand what you mean. When my sister died I felt incredible guilt. Guilt for not helping her enough, guilt for not under standing enough, even guilt for not forcing her away from the life she lived. My little brother, who meant well said, you are holding on to guilt that is not yours. You need to let go. We all knew this would happen eventually. I may have known, but I didn't accept it. I didn't think I would out live her. I didn't know she would be dead at 46! I didn't know there wasn't more time! He and others moved on. They don't want to talk about it anymore. But I wake every day with the sadness. I dream of her all the time and my life has changed forever. I can't forget nor am I ready to. You are right you have to be ready for help, and you have to find the help that is what you need and when you need it. People have to understand that what they feel is not always what you feel. They might can put her memory away and say oh well she chose that life - but I am not willing to accept that she could not have been saved. I am not willing to accept that she did not choose to live in a drug induced sleepy life to avoid life...it was to avoid pain and all of us who touched her life had a responsibility to her and in that way, we failed her. No amount of love can change that we failed her. I would give anything to do it over - but I can't and if people don't get my pain - so be it. But don't have to audacity to judge me for it. It is my cross to carry and until I have come to acceptance I can't put it down.

Dear dear Vader, only today I was lying on my bed and asking God: "Please send me a friend." My best friend emigrated two years ago and then I met a fellow traveller and I thought this was my new best buddy. And she has been. Only, yesterday she told me she is emigrating. It is so hard to find people who will talk and share your feelings and just listen or let you listen if they want to talk. I find that people today are terribly shallow. They don't want to hear about "depressing" stuff. They just want the good times. We have lovely people staying in our communicty but I would never share my problems with them! My own family can't even and don't want to hear what I have to say or how I feel. My eldest daughter told me the other day "to build a bridge and walk over it and stay on the other side". People today are terribly selfish. I really feel for you Vader. I too am no in a position financially to travel - even if I were well enough and althought money isn't everything it sure helps ease the pain if you can do some retail therapy to ease the pain even if it is for half an hour.
We often see bumper stickers here saying: "When days are dark, friends are few." The person who concocted that knew a thing or two.
I hope that us at DS being here just helps you to blow off steam but I know that you want a real live friend, somebody who can really be warm and kind and nice and help you over the horrible awful time in your life.
All love,
O

Hi Vader, I'm sorry you're going through this but know that we are here for you. We understand every emotion you're feeling. I was worried about you when you were having trouble feeding your cats and paying bills, I had asked you not contact me so I can see about helping you out. I hope things are getting better financially and I'm sorry that you lost your cats. Keep posting here, we are here for you.

to all who responed let m e say this i say thank you.Kramer is doing so much better.my next door neighbor has been buying me cat food and dry cat food and Kramer has been eating.Do you know that cats grieve? kramer was looking for Tooey they were the best of pals.Humans should learn from cats.Kramer is still grieving so I am letting her grieve.As for me...try finding a support group that has got a qualified leader and it is hard.The last support I was in the leader did not any training.Her husband was in real estate and she was loaded.She started this group because of her sister and believe me it was a diseaster.People still dont know how it survived.People still dont know what to say.In fact,when i told the minister about Brad...he was silent.Why was he silent? Shouldnt he be offering comfort? Another group was totally out of commision.How does one get over it? Some things you just dont get over and suicide is one of them.I will never know why Brad took his life and I didnt know that Brad was depressed.But why "ask God?" I think that God has got better things to do and He will guide us....Problems can be made by ones self and I found this out by my own experiece and I am going to share every good news in a minute.Thanks and love to all

People that would tell a friend that talking about something they are having trouble with, that it is "too depressing" are self absorbed, selfish morons, too worried about themselves to ever look past their own mirrors to show compassion, now... when something happens in their life, by GOD you better be there for them! People have been warped by the media to care only about money, who Jessica or Angelina are dating or anything but the truth of the theft, greed, corruption and fraud being shoveled on us in this country. We have been taught through fear not to associate with our neighbors, because they are probably child molestors or sex perverts and why be kind and good when you can go buy that new car you deserve, even if you can't afford it? there are still wonderful people out there, you just can't settle for the idiots. You must clean house and when a loved one dies and you are in excrusiating pain, you find out who your friends are. Family is the most valuable asset we have, a good friend will listen to you, cry with you, hug you, bring you food, call and check on you and ask how you feel, other people are there for themselves... what they can get out of knowing you. do I sound bitter? I am not, I just learned that men just want to screw me, they are not my friends at all, they are just pretending until they feel the moment is right to put the moves on me. when they do find someone they can have sex with, I never hear from them. Women too, as long as they are not in love, they call, want to do things, like to chat, then as soon as some new guy comes into their life, I am dropped like a hot potato, only my real friends are loyal, my dog was more loyal than any human other than my Mother, Sister and best friend...

It is a rude awakening when you have been a great friend to someone then see that they don't really care about you, they only care about themselves, I was just something to do while they were between lovers... or I was just a good friend until I said no to their advances,,

I have met more wonderful people on DS than I have in real life in the last few years, I just thank God that you all are here, that you care, understand, will listen, give loving, supportive advice and check on me when you havent heard from me in awhile, Thank you to all my great friends on here, I am not sure I could have made it through the last two months without you all.

Just keep being your wonderful selves, don't change just because they are pitiful, you will find good friends by being a good friend,

Blessings,
Cynthia