On Saturday the 20th of December..will be my late brothers birthday.He would have been 72 and at stage in my life..I have got a question..does anyone really move on? Frank was in a nursing home back in New Jersey.His room was next to my late mothers.He worried about her and me from the day that he arrived there and all I can say is this..I am so sorry that I havent done more.My late grandfather told me before he died at 97 in 1983...that after 50..you cant really find real friends.He went on to say that someday I would find this out and it will be a big hurt to me and Grandad was so right.I had friends all during school.We were friends all during high school,but it was so different back in the 1960s.One of my friends left my town after graduation in 1966 and hasnt been back.I havent seen her at all.Noone knows where she is or whether she is still alive.I also had a friend who was 6 foot tall with striking blue eyes.Her name was Valerie and she helped Frank with the little league.I saw her last in 1966 and she wrote in my year book.SHe walked out of the stadium and I never saw her again..I tried to call her..but things did happen.I returned home in 1996 after living here for one year.Frank told me that Valerie had died.I went to the funeral parlor and the coffin wasnt opened.She died of alcohol and drugs.Her in laws are raising her little boy and that is all I knew.I week passed.Frank handed me the paper.Vals mother died..and she was having a one day ceremony.I went to the funeral parlor.The priest shook my hand and he told me that Valeries mother killed herself with a high dose of sleeping pills and alcohol.She couldnt accept Vals death and was heartbroken that the judge awarded the other grandparents custody..but this woman was really very ill and would have been unable to care for this little boy.She left a note.That is all I do know.When I came home that day....I threw up in my bathroom for two days.Frank told me to rest and to go back..He told me that the town was changing and it has.I dont know any of these people at all.I rested for 2 days and called the bus company.I went back on that sunday..I havent been back for a long time.I cant go back home to the town.And all of my friends..my childhood friends well--we have grown apart and at 61...I will repeat what the famous author Thomas Wolfe said"You cant go home anymore".Mr.Wolfe is right.I want to move one but the memories and such have hurt me.I still cry about Frank ev eryday..but he is in a much better place now.Frank is in his favorite lounge chair..watching the game with a can of Miller and cheese dip.I can hear him yelling at the tv and discussing Phil SImms.I can hear him and wish he was here..but noone will ever replace Frank..I found a picture of Frank he gave me..He was 21..I was 9 years old.It was his first photo and the first photo he did on his own..Before he died..Frank told me..if anything does happen.."You must learn to live without me." "You must learn to live again.I want you to go back singing and writing.And also go to the museums in seattle." Frank told me of a new exhibiti coming up soon.And I do have a question...can anyone really move on? Can anyone suppress the happy memories? Can be happy after a death? But suppose your friend for some reason..stop talking to you..what does a person do? I was told to ignore her and him.I was told that they just dont know what to say or do for me.Good grief! I do things by myself.What do I want for Christmas? I have one big Christmas gift..I would like to meet 2 people.I want to meet Howard Stern and I want to meet Axl Rose..the lead singer of Guns N Roses..that is all I want to meet for everyone else is dead.