Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

brads death-2 years in May vader

vader
vader
anyone who said that time heals all wounds is full of soup.Everyday I suffer in silence as i view the spot that Brad took his life.I have tried postive thinking and being cheerful.I have tried megamega vitamin therapy,vitamin c and such...they do not work.I still miss Brad and the love I had for him is still there.Yes,Brad did beat me.He did abuse me.but he gave me a purpose to life and now I have none.All I have is memories of Brad and pictures.I dont have his arms to put around me when I am upset.I dont have his sense of humor or his music.All I can say is that suicide sucks and surviviors like myself will always be screwed and spend the rest of our lives i n torment.What did I do wrongt?
deleted_user
deleted_user
The only thing you are doing wrong is beating yourself up emotionally! My father committed suicide 18 years ago and let me tell you it does not have to screw you up and take over your life! Two years is nothing in the grieving process in my view, I had at least 5 years of absolute madness and numbness...what a waste of my life, my father took his because he could no longer cope with the often harsh realities of life...I believe my life is worth more for myself, my children and the people around me. You have your life to live, as you know it is very very precious, try not to get stuck in the past forever, none of this is your fault and really nobody deserves to be beaten and abused my friend, I hope you find some peace and self-belief soon. Take care Maria :-) x
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think you need to seek help from a therapist.

You not only seem to have grief but also suffer form being a vicitm of diomestic abuse.

And it seems as if that is still controlling you after his passing..that YOU are the one who caused his deciooin, etc. You must stop thinking that.
koolman
koolman
It might help to identify exactly what that "purpose" in life was that you feel came from him! Articulate it in words. Maybe you'll be able to re-ignite that purpose in life just within yourself or by fixating on someone new (!).

Was it music? An obsessive artistic pursuit of some kind? Something that brought out deep feelings within you, that are still there and still need to be expressed? Maybe there's a way to join a group with fellow artists, who are similarly painfully struggling, and express this artistically, as well as through hugging and talking. An in-person support group, or something through meetup.com.
koolman
koolman
For me, as you know, it's movie-making and movie watching. Film carries me to powerful places.
vader
vader
to all who replied.I thank yiu.Brads death hasnt been easy but I am understanding it and I understand that Brad was a very sick man and he has secrets and I really did not know him the way i was supppose to.I was an abused woman and now I on the way of doing things for myself and I refuse to let this happen to me again,Love to all,vader.