Today is May 22nd,2011.It is Sunday and today it is 2 years that my Brad committed suicide.It has been a rough two years.I am trying to live on social security and trying to save money for my big birthday next year.I will be 65 and i cant wait! But Brad wont be here for me to celebrate with and this is the hardest part of my life.Even tho he abused me and even tho he was a mean drunk to me...I STILL LOVE BRAD AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.HOW DO YOU COPE? bRAD ALSO HAD A LENTHY CRIMINAL RECORD AND I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT IT SEVERAL WEEKS AGO.AND THIS IS KILLING ME.WHY DID HE LIE TO ME? bRADS Older sister Gail died on 1/7/2011 and i tried to contact the family but they still are not speaking to me and they cant seem to realize that all of this isnt my fault.They are blaming me for it.Brad did not bother with his brothers and sisters.And i dont know why.He just didnt speak to gthem.I think that Gail was disgusted with Brad because Brad had been in 12 rehabs.I paid for the last and i tried to make him better.But now all i am getting is pain and the realization that Brad did not love me and just used me as he used others to get was he wanted,.And for all of young people who are depressed and feeling lonely...PLEASE DO NOT TRY METH.METH IS WHAT KILLED BRAD AND IT WAS A NIGHTMARE THAT I CANT DISCUSSS HERE.ALWAYS TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS AND NEVER DISCUSS FAMILY MATTERS WITH STRANGERS AND TRY TO LOVE AND ACCEPT EACH OTHER AND REMEMBER THIS...ADDICTS LIE AND STEAL AND ADDICTS WILL BREAK YOUR HEART.I TRIED TO HELP BRAD.I REALLY LOVE HIM AND I FAILED AND THIS IS WHY i am trying to rebuild my life and I have sworn off all men and I am alone now and this is for the best but remember love is suppose to help,not destroy.And anyone who is thi nking of suicide remember this survivors like me go thru hell everyday...dont do it.vader.