Don't worry -- you'll get there. My dear hubby died over 10 years ago, and it was quite awhile before I could think of him when he was healthy instead of the emaciated skeleton that the disease made him into. It was within the first year that all of a sudden, I "saw" the big, muscular & healthy guy that he used to be -- and the memories of all the fun & silly things we did began coming back. It just takes time.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Dad. Losing a parent is so difficult. I've lost both my parents now, and I feel like an orphan -- even at MY age!!!! We never outgrow our need for our parents!!!

Please take care of yourself - and don't worry. It won't be long now before your "visions" will change. God bless! Hugs, Lee

Healing is a process and should not be expected within a specific timeline. You are still in the beginning stages of grieving (this really sucks) which is still pretty raw for you. It takes about the first year for it to sink in as you go through the first holidays, birthdays, and special events, etc. without your dad/loved one. In fact, start planning ahead as the holidays are nearly upon us...just do what you can to get through them.

Try to be patient and gentle with yourself. Do not measure your healing to others. After my brother passed, some insensitive ppl (this included my brothers friends) got mad at me for not "getting over it" by the sixth month mark of his death. There is no way around the grief process...sadly, you have to go through it (very painful).

You still never get over it, but learn to deal with the void and all the pain that surrounds it.
Find some healthy outlets, but don't stop the tears when they need to come...becuz they will come no matter how hard you try to hold them back....it is the fabric of our very being and the magnitude of loss.

Someday, his memories will make you smile (I promise you that), but for now it just plain hurts ((((((((((((Gentle Hugs)))))))))))))))))))

I'm right here with you. I remember when I first came here and our Fathers had passed within a couple of weeks of each other. I still miss him so much and most of the time when I'm alone, there is no smiling. When I go out in public, which still isn't often, I smile when I think about picking up his favorite goodies to take to he and his roommate(whom also just passed) at the nursing home. They used to request the weirdest stuff but it was such a pleasure to watch them enjoy and devour and make a mess.
How I wish I could still do something so simple to make someone happy! No matter what I'm doing, he is on my mind every minute. I look at his pictures a thousand times a day and relive his last few days and ask why, why, why, or how did this happen? I thought he would outlive me. Time and support have gotten me this far but, I feel as if I'm walking on thin ice and any minute it may break. I felt his absence the moment he passed but getting used to it, is another story. I'm sorry I can't offer you (or me) a solution, or anything to make life easier. How blessed we are/were to have experienced such amazing love... I think that is what has made it even harder. May we both find peace and comfort in our hearts, when we think about how much we were loved.

If you are like me, this journey was a wilderness to navigate...I was not ready for it and I had never encountered death so closely of a loved one. I was (am still) a Daddies girl and I subconsciously thought I would drop dead when my father drew his last breath...well, I didn't and I had to go on...but oh what a rocky road it is...just know there are going to be okay days and bad days and slowly slowly the okay days will become more frequent....just hang on-he would want you to

That's a question I would like to find the answer to as well, Bridget. I hope that your feelings don't mirror mine (anger) about the loss. I think that small steps, small victories are important in the healing process.

You will get there. I remember the first time I laughed after my sister died. I was shocked, almost felt guilty, then I realized she would like the sound of me laughing. It's been two years since she died. I can smile at memories I have of her. I still cry though too.
Buffet, I understand the anger. I thought I had gotten past the anger, then it's ugly head shows up again.

Constantly here for you. All will be done in time, a time to cry, a time to smile. To everything there is a season. Dad has simply taken a different form suitable for his new phase of soul development. Peace be with you