Openfaced, This group is all about support. Ask away. Its what we do. I'm really sorry about the passing of your dear Mother. I lost mine to cancer several years ago. I've mostly adapted but it still hurts from time to time. Your post above is pretty contextual so I clicked over and read your profile, which did put it in perspective. I want offer some advice but please note that I have no experience with addiction treatment. So its just my humble opinion. Between your siblings and your ex you have had more than your share of screwed up people in your life. From your description of your sis and bro, they are toxic and you are better off without them, or at least kept at a great distance. Yet in both your post and your profile you mention the pain of abandonment. It sure seems to me that they saved you the trouble of cutting ties with them. One of my favorite sayings is: its better to be alone than to wish you were. It sounds like if they had not abandoned you, they would be mooching off you, and very likely they cut ties with you because you would not take their BS. I also gather that, like me, you had a great Mom. She lived to 82. I wished she could have lived longer but 82 is a good run. She said many times she had no regrets. Anyway, what do you suppose your Mom would say to you if she could right now? You know her well enough I'll bet you know the exact words. What advice would she give you about moving forward with your life? From what you wrote you have a pretty good handle on your problems. That's good. Now what to do to solve them? The estate is settled so you can put that behind you. You've had a lot of pain in your life so far. What do you want for the years ahead? It seems to me you could benefit from a counselor or therapist. If that is not an option, then I would start hitting the self-help books. Maybe even a support group (non-internet). There are hundreds out there to choose from. But do take some action. The DS groups are great but there's a lot more you can do. Life is short; insanely short. We cant change the past but we can steer the future. God bless.
Scott

Welcome to the "family" here! Don't like your biological family, create a surrogate family. I'll support you in any way I can.

my name is vader.I am 68 years old and old enough to be your grandmother.I am sorry about the passing of your mother and I do wish you my deepest sympathy.My mother passed away in 2003 and she was 84 years old.My poor mother had dementia and she was in a nursing home.We also did not get along too famously and i do regret this.My mother was from the old school and she was very old fashioned and when she passed she barely had any relatives left.All of them passed.From what I have read...these people do not sound so nice at all and at this time it would be good to cut ties.Have you got friends that you can make them as family? This is what I have done in Seattle.Also try to get into grief counselina and read all self help books you can find.There is help avaialbe and please e mail me and tell me how you are.

It sounds like you are mourning the loss of both your mother and your siblings. My dad died about 2 months ago. My sister, my only sibling, died 4 years ago and my mother 1 year ago. I've realized that not only am I mourning my father, but I'm mourning the loss of the family I was born into. In a way it is two separate things I've lost.

It sounds like you are sort of there: you lost your parents to death and your siblings to estrangement. So perhaps treat the two losses as different, yet joined.

Gentle hugs.

Big hug for you and a blessing... My brother and I ended up estranged as well.....Sometimes cutting ties is what's best for all concerned
It's hard though as we always hope to heal family wounds... We can only do the best that we can... and the only people we can change is ourselves.... I'm sending you a big hug of hope and healing... and a blessing...x

I am so sorry for your loss. It is never easy losing a loved one to an actual death, but estrangement to top it off is....devastating. I know becuz we share this common thread.
However, my only sibling (brother) died almost 40 years ago in a tragic motorcycle accident (he was 16). I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and after my brother died, I ended up picking up the pieces for my parents. I ended up running away from home and ended up marrying a man that was an exact replica of my dad and the dysfunction I ran away from. I thought I would make my life better by having my own family (3 kids).....which backfired and all 3 of my kids are estranged and clammier to my ex. They seemed to enjoy hurting me (physically, verbally, mentally, and financially).
I do have one grand daughter and a daughter-in-law (my son threw them away too). I concentrate more on what I have left. I am slowly making new friends (I'm careful who I let in my life) and have built a new life.
Given time and the rebuilding of my life on my terms has had some great rewards. The drama is gone....love and peace surround me in abundance and life is good....at last.
I had to go through a lot of bad stuff to get to the good. I enjoy it and revel in the goodness of my new life. I would only hope that once you get through the grief that you too will experience goodness and well being.
Those that have gone before us are cheering us on and loving us from the other side....I promise :)
Carry on and I give you my support to sustain you until you hit higher ground (((((gentle hugs))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your mom, often your voice of reason, is difficult. To have a sociopath sibling is like a bonfire. I feel your pain and empathize. What does one sort out that? Good on you for having a separate stone setting. I did and wish I would have stayed away from the the formal one. All the best to you.