Bereavement Support Group
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Hi everyone.
My mother died in Feb, 7 months ago. I began mourning her death for the first couple of days, then, feeling overwhelmed by also suffering from a herniated disk and the breakup of an important relationship (father of my baby), having occurred all in the same week, I put my mother's death on hold (emotionally). I decided I just wasn't going to face it because I was just too overwhelmed by everything that was happening at the same time.
Fastforward... I've began journaling, at home, and found that I'm stuck in anger toward my mother right now. I don't feel compassion about her death at the moment. Although how she died is sad - alone in her apt, having been deceased for 3 weeks to a month... Not a nice picture.
Sadly, I remember probably more hurtful and negative memories about my mother and how she was with me. She was a binge drinker, and could be very mean (even when she wasn't drinking). And this is the stuff coming up for me right now (although I have dealt with these many pains of the past before and have been to Alanon). I'm finding it hard to mourn someone I found to be very hurtful much of the time. I know she loved me, but I'm stuck in anger and indifference toward her. Logically, I know it's sad she died, but emotionally, I'm having a hard time having any compassionate feelings for her right now.
Anyone else experience a similar situation?
Otherwise, any feedback would be welcome.
Thanks.
My mother died in Feb, 7 months ago. I began mourning her death for the first couple of days, then, feeling overwhelmed by also suffering from a herniated disk and the breakup of an important relationship (father of my baby), having occurred all in the same week, I put my mother's death on hold (emotionally). I decided I just wasn't going to face it because I was just too overwhelmed by everything that was happening at the same time.
Fastforward... I've began journaling, at home, and found that I'm stuck in anger toward my mother right now. I don't feel compassion about her death at the moment. Although how she died is sad - alone in her apt, having been deceased for 3 weeks to a month... Not a nice picture.
Sadly, I remember probably more hurtful and negative memories about my mother and how she was with me. She was a binge drinker, and could be very mean (even when she wasn't drinking). And this is the stuff coming up for me right now (although I have dealt with these many pains of the past before and have been to Alanon). I'm finding it hard to mourn someone I found to be very hurtful much of the time. I know she loved me, but I'm stuck in anger and indifference toward her. Logically, I know it's sad she died, but emotionally, I'm having a hard time having any compassionate feelings for her right now.
Anyone else experience a similar situation?
Otherwise, any feedback would be welcome.
Thanks.
Cathy
Also, about my mom... I guess I'm just now beginning to allow myself to grieve for her, and anger, being a part of grieving, is unfortunately where I'm at. I do understand her reasons for how she was, however, I was very impacted by her actions. And even though I don't want to dwell on it, I still have to allow myself to express how I feel about it.
I think it's sad though when you lose a loved one and end up feeling angry and lack of compassion for them (although I'm sure these feelings will pass), instead of sorrow.
Thanks again for your input.
And yes, I DO understand about the anger you feel toward your Mother. Both my parents were alcholics, and my life was filled with depression and anger.
There came a time when I had to face the anger I felt for my Mom. It was either that or live with a resentment that was eating me alive. So I wrote down everything that made me angry about her, and then I wrote down everything I KNEW about her past. And do you know what I found out? I found out that she gave ME what SHE was given. She gave me ALL that she had to give. She too was a product of alcoholism and that disease tends to run in families. Since she was an only child, she "inherited" it.
The more I got to really "know" my Mom, the more I was able to forgive her. Once I knew that her parents were the same 'kind' of parents that she was, it was easy to see why she acted the way she did! She didn't KNOW any other way.
Perhaps this isn't the case in your family, I don't know. But I do know that parents can't give what they don't have. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive. I KNOW your Mother loved you, just as I know my Mom loved me too. God bless you Rose and I wish you peace of mind. Hugs, Lee
The most important thing I have come to learn in my almost 60 years of living is that we all make mistakes, no one is perfect and our parents are/were no different, they are or were human and had the same hopes, and dreams and malfunctions that we do. When I realized that I finally was able to forgive certain things and understand that I had to do the best for me in my life and go on leaving behind the pain (as much as I could). I hope this helps a little.
I know I am finally allowing myself to grieve, which I see as a good thing. I don't imagine I'll stay stuck in anger, but its just where I'm at right now, and will continue to work through it (my grief and all the emotions that go along with it).
I also really do understand her history and why she did what she did - who she was. However, that doesn't make it any easier when you've been hurt by someone (especially your mother).
At some point I will reflect more on the good things, but I'm just not there right now.
Carl Dobbs
Proof that you go to heaven.
1: The tabernacle of God was designed so that it represented the pattern of things in Heaven.
Heb:8:4: For if he were on earth, he should not be a priest, seeing that there are priests that offer gifts according to the law:
Heb:8:5: Who serve unto the example and shadow of heavenly things, as Moses was admonished of God when he was about to make the tabernacle: for, See, saith he, that thou make all things according to the pattern shewed to thee in the mount.
The rituals of the Old Testament have meaning in the book of Hebrews;Heb:9:1: Then verily the first covenant had also ordinances of divine service, and a worldly sanctuary.
Heb:9:2: For there was a tabernacle made; the first, wherein was the candlestick, and the table, and the shewbread; which is called the sanctuary.
Heb:9:3: And after the second veil, the tabernacle which is called the Holiest of all;
Heb:9:4: Which had the golden censer, and the ark of the covenant overlaid round about with gold, wherein was the golden pot that had manna, and Aaron's rod that budded, and the tables of the covenant;
Heb:9:5: And over it the cherubims of glory shadowing the mercyseat; of which we cannot now speak particularly.
Heb:9:6: Now when these things were thus ordained, the priests went always into the first tabernacle, accomplishing the service of God.
Heb:9:7: But into the second went the high priest alone once every year, not without blood, which he offered for himself, and for the errors of the people:
Heb:9:8: The Holy Ghost this signifying, that the way into the holiest of all was not yet made manifest, while as the first tabernacle was yet standing:
Heb 9:8: The Holy Ghost says, here, that the way into the holies of all (Please remember this verse. It is important) wasn't made manefist while as the first tabernacle was yet standing.
The priest could not go in more than once a year to signify that the way into the "holiest" wasn't revealed yet. IT wasn't revealed until after the tabernacle was no longer standing. However this does indicate that there is a way into the holiest NOW, but not the holiest which was made with hands.
Heb:9:24: For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us:
The holiest of all represented heaven, itself.
Jesus went into the Holiest of All.
Heb:9:12: Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us.
The things in the temple were made to represent, symbolically, what was to happen to Jesus.
Heb:9:24: For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us:
So far we have learned that entrance into the holy place was not allowed while the physical tabernacle was still standing. No one was able to go in through the veil which separated the outer sanctuary from the inner sanctuary.
Okay. We see JESUS entering into the Holy Place. What next?
Heb:10:18: Now where remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin.
Heb:10:19: Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus,
Heb:10:20: By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh;
That is why the veil between the outer sanctuary and the inner sanctuary was torn. Jesus' flesh, when torn, opened the veil.
M'r:15:38: And the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom.
M't:27:51: And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;
Because the way into the holiest was not made manifest while the first tabernacle was standing. The veil kept the people, all except the High Priest, from entering.
Now that our high priest has entered by tearing the veil, he commands us to have BOLDNESS to enter into the Holiest which he has consecrated for us through THE VEIL, that is to say, his FLESH.
We now have access to the holiest that those under the old covenant did not have. Therefore, Jesus, having torn the VEIL by his own FLESH being torn, now has removed that barrier.
Heb:6:20: Whither the forerunner is for us entered, even Jesus, made an high priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.
You see, the HOPE for Christians is that:
Heb:6:19: Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil;
Heb:6:20: Whither the forerunner is for us entered, even Jesus, made an high priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.
That Jesus entered into that which is within the veil, Heaven. and he is our FORERUNNER.
What does a forerunner do? First, he goes to a place BEFORE anyone else. He is the first to enter. Why does he enter? To tell others that people are going to FOLLOW him.
He couldn't go to heaven as a forerunner if no one was there to follow him. He was first to go because the veil represented his flesh. he had to die so that the veil can be taken away. Now that the flesh is torn, the way into the holiest of all (representing heaven itself) is now available. It is made manifest. We are then told to boldly go into this holy heaven knowing that Jesus' perfect sacrifice cleansed us from all sins.
I hope this helps you to understand that your observance of the Day of Atonement has not taught you its purpose. You are still unwilling to admit that you can enter into that which is within the veil.
Yes, Jesus said that no one went into heaven except he that came down from heaven.
Joh:3:13: And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.
But Jesus said this before he died, before his flesh representing the veil was rent. The veil was still intact. Heaven was not accessible yet.
But what about this?
Ac:2:29: Men and brethren, let me freely speak unto you of the patriarch David, that he is both dead and buried, and his sepulchre is with us unto this day.
The book of Hebrews doesnt describe when we enter into the holiest. It just says: Heb:10:19: Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus,
Heb:10:20: By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh;
This definitely shows us that the way is open to us. We just know we can do it by a new and living way which he has consecrated for us though the veil, that is to say, his flesh.
Now it is up to the reader to understand this verse. The broken flesh of Christ made it possible for us to boldly enter that realm through a new and living way. This is somewhat open to interpretation. But the fact remains that if we follow the new and living way of Jesus we can boldly enter heaven itself.
The following verses elaborate on this:
Heb:10:21: And having an high priest over the house of God;
Heb:10:22: Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.
Heb:10:23: Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)
Heb:10:24: And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
Heb:10:25: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
We enter into that living way of life by being Christian and walking the Christian walk. The following verses go on to explain the dire consequences of falling away from that path.
Author Carl Dobbs
Carl Dobbs Ministries
I appreciate your input, thanks. However, I am not a Christian, and don't really understand how this is to help me in my grief.