...and I still feel numb and confused. When I first found out he had died I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and everything had been ripped out of me, and every time I think about it I feel that all over again. I feel really weird for feeling like this because my dad and I had no contact for nine years, but I know it's because we were so close before he left.

I can't get over the fact that he's gone for good. I still catch myself thinking about the day I'll run into him on the street until I remember that he's dead. I don't even know how to begin getting over it or moving on, and I'm not sure that I want to for some weird reason.