Bereavement Support Group
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I really don't know if I can do this again. We all knew his health was rapidly declining, but it still doesn't make it any easier. I don't think any of us thought it would be just sooo soon.
I got a call from Mrs. A yesterday, notifying me that Mr. A had passed away the day before. I've known them for nearly 7 years, and have been working for them for 6. I take care of their condo while they are way during the summer months.
Over the years, we've become close. They are sort of like grandparents to my children. They both have been so wonderful to my family. They're actually the reason why I've chosen NOT to leave my position to move on to a career as a Property Manager.
Needless to say, I spent the entire evening in shock last night. I couldn't eat or sleep. Wednesdays are usually the days I check in on their condo, but I can't bring myself to even get the key. I'm afraid to go in!
I knew something was up when the left for the summer so early. They don't usually leave until April or May, but this year they left in February. Although she said it was due to business meetings they needed to attend, both my boss and I knew it was due to his health. And the amount of groceries she sent me home with when they left tells me that it was a sudden, last minute decision.
I tried to remain calm and collected, but the overall conversation was a bit confusing. She said that she's the executor of his estate, and has some legal stuff to discuss with me, so she will be returning in a month. She's trying her best to do everything according to Mr. A's wishes. I told her that we would help in any way we can, but seemed a little offended by the offer.
Mr. A loved flowers, but for some reason an arrangement--no matter how big or small--just doesn't seem enough (or right) to express our condolences. He always had a talent for taking such beautiful, close-up photos of full bloom flowers. I remember one shot that even the water droplets on the petals. No matter what we do, Mrs. A is going to say it was too much.
I got a call from Mrs. A yesterday, notifying me that Mr. A had passed away the day before. I've known them for nearly 7 years, and have been working for them for 6. I take care of their condo while they are way during the summer months.
Over the years, we've become close. They are sort of like grandparents to my children. They both have been so wonderful to my family. They're actually the reason why I've chosen NOT to leave my position to move on to a career as a Property Manager.
Needless to say, I spent the entire evening in shock last night. I couldn't eat or sleep. Wednesdays are usually the days I check in on their condo, but I can't bring myself to even get the key. I'm afraid to go in!
I knew something was up when the left for the summer so early. They don't usually leave until April or May, but this year they left in February. Although she said it was due to business meetings they needed to attend, both my boss and I knew it was due to his health. And the amount of groceries she sent me home with when they left tells me that it was a sudden, last minute decision.
I tried to remain calm and collected, but the overall conversation was a bit confusing. She said that she's the executor of his estate, and has some legal stuff to discuss with me, so she will be returning in a month. She's trying her best to do everything according to Mr. A's wishes. I told her that we would help in any way we can, but seemed a little offended by the offer.
Mr. A loved flowers, but for some reason an arrangement--no matter how big or small--just doesn't seem enough (or right) to express our condolences. He always had a talent for taking such beautiful, close-up photos of full bloom flowers. I remember one shot that even the water droplets on the petals. No matter what we do, Mrs. A is going to say it was too much.
It seems like all you can do is go by her lead. How is she doing? it sounds like she is marching on and doing what she feels need to be done and is not looking for comfort or consoling. It's very hurtful and frustrating when YOU need the comfort and consoling and others just don't see it. If you want to send flowers to her or even the funeral, go ahead, and don't stress on the arrangement. It will never seem like it's right.
I would not worry about her being offended by your offer to help; no matter how calm she may appear to be, she just lost her husband and it must be just tearing her up inside.
Flowers may be the last thing she wants right now, there is no way to know unless she tells you. I'd send them if it were me, but make it a small arrangement. That way she can deal with it easier, perhaps she will want to pay them forward and donate them to a local hospital. You may even be able to give those instructions to the delivery person, that if she is reluctant to take them that the delivery person has instructions to take them to a local children's hospital or some other place.
Gentle hugs