Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
The other night I had a dream about my mother, which has been on my mind since. In the dream, my mother was trying to reach me by phone and left one voicemail after several attempts of calling. I woke up and reached for my phone at that point, but then realized that it was--in fact--only a dream.
Once I get back to sleep, it's like the dream is on repeat, only this time it's a dream within a dream. In that dream, I wake up from the internal dream glad that she's gone.
I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, and remind myself that it's only a dream. But yesterday afternoon, I started getting this feeling as if someone was blowing on the back of my neck. My husband must have thought I was crazy last night. I do miss her. Despite our issues, she was still my mother.
I don't know what to make of any of it. I wonder if it's a way of telling me to try and contact my aunt again. Her address is listed on the informant section of my mother's death certificate. I tried writing the hospital to see if they could at least help explain what was already provided on the death certificate, but the response from them was anything but helpful, let alone polite.
Thanks for listening!
Once I get back to sleep, it's like the dream is on repeat, only this time it's a dream within a dream. In that dream, I wake up from the internal dream glad that she's gone.
I'm trying not to dwell on it too much, and remind myself that it's only a dream. But yesterday afternoon, I started getting this feeling as if someone was blowing on the back of my neck. My husband must have thought I was crazy last night. I do miss her. Despite our issues, she was still my mother.
I don't know what to make of any of it. I wonder if it's a way of telling me to try and contact my aunt again. Her address is listed on the informant section of my mother's death certificate. I tried writing the hospital to see if they could at least help explain what was already provided on the death certificate, but the response from them was anything but helpful, let alone polite.
Thanks for listening!
And I will also keep an open mind to the possibility that dreams are a way for people who have passed on to tell us something. I'm an engineer by education and profession, so I respond to the logic behind this with "but you can't prove that it is impossible for loved ones to contact us that way!"
Go with the dream and call your aunt. The worst she can do is tell you nothing, leaving you where you are right now!
Being out of touch for so long, I kind of agree with him. Not only may she get the wrong idea, but I don't think I could handle it if the conversation goes badly. I'm already overwhelmed, stressed, and frustrated as it is.
I started writing a letter to my mother yesterday, but then deleted it. I don't know why. I guess maybe it was sounding too much about me and how my life has changed over the last few years. So much anger in just a few paragraphs. I read over what I had actually written, and found that I was accusing her of never being there.
I had the Rite of Acceptance at my church this past Sunday. I was so nervous, I was shaking. No one seemed to really notice, or at least they didn't say anything about it. But I wonder if I was so nervous because of everything on my mind right now. At least I've started speaking up at home to let my husband when I don't feel up to doing something.
The stress the holidays create should be gone by now, but I still feel as though the Christmas break is right around the corner. I used to look forward to going to class. Now I can't wait until the week passes. Although, on the other hand, it is still calming and reassuring just being there with everyone. I really thought my spiritual journey would be a much different experience. Now, I feel as though I'm just going through the motions like I did with the holidays.
A colleague believes that's because of all that has happened during the last couple of 2015. I've been thinking of having a get together on my mom's birthday (it would've been her 60th), but it's still so far away (her birthday is in April).
I still feel like I'm losing my mind most of the time, but these days I feel as those I am completely lost, even while I'm in comfort zones (home, work, church). Then I start to think what if I hadn't gone on Facebook that day? Would I have even found out at all?
I'm not an interpreter of dreams. I really like what PepperMan said about the possibility that dreams area a way for people who have passed on to tell us something. I've experienced similar dreams through the years.
As far as taking the time to write the letter- only you can know how and when that will be. Or even if it will ever come to be. Perhaps even by setting aside just 5 minutes in a quiet, uninterrupted environment (even sitting in a car in a parking lot alone- ha!) to allow yourself to think of the dream and of your aunt, the answer may come more clearly.
I can relate to the death certificate translation. I have always wondered if there is an online source for that because no one was helpful to answer those questions to me either.
I'm finding myself getting more than upset at the smallest things. I'm not just upset; I'm downright PO'ed most of the time. And my husband seems to be at the center of it all the time.
It's not fair to him, and I can't say for certain that it is him. But he says something or does something that just sends me reeling. Then he scolds me for getting so PO'ed, when he was just doing the same things moments ago.
Like this time...he came into my office and saw that I was playing a video game on my phone. He gave me an attitude about it and told me to get to work. First of all, he's not my boss; he doesn't even work for the same company. His boss was hired by mine, so he's been assigned to complete the renovation project with the rest of the crew. Then he asked me what I was going to have for lunch. I've told him twice in the last 2 days that I have a microwavable lunch that I'll have today, which is becoming the norm for Fridays (I have class on Thursday nights, so it's easier this way).
I'm getting of repeating myself to everyone, so I answered him sarcastically, and said, "Food!" He got mad, rolled his eyes, and slammed my office door. This has been his reaction to everything lately. And I know I'm the problem.
He's never lost anyone that he was close with, so he doesn't really know how he would react in that situation. And rather than letting me try to deal with things and grieve, he expects me to be the same "strong, independent, workaholic" wife he's come to know over the last 3 years.
This is brand new territory for both of us. And even before I found out about her passing, I was exhausted between work and home. So imagine now....
I was so desperate for information that I called my ex-husband to find out if he received any weird phone call or any calls from my mother within the last 6 months. Surprising, he was very understanding. To make matters worse, he seemed more concerned about how I'm doing than my husband is.
I'm to the point where I have thought about packing up the kids and leaving, but I know that's just the anger right now. I just don't know how I can get passed the anger and hate. I hope I can get passed it soon, before it affects the relationship with my babies. They're little yet, but they understand more than we know.
I guess it all will get better with time!
Odds are he is just as confused as you are. If he has not suffered as close a loss as you just did, then he really has no road map to go on. It is easy to lose track of how others feel about things like this.
gentle hugs
The way you get with your husband I get with my mother. I do feel a little guilty because she will just kinda take it. The thing with the phone and scolding probably would have still pissed you off but not to the degree that it happened. You are already mad, frustrated, sad, confused, resentful. That was just the last button to push.
It's also more upsetting when the one annoying you still treats you like the regular you, like nothing has changed. They want to make a big deal out of stupid stuff that you don't care about. Ugh.
If you can, maybe before you blow up at him, when he starts to piss you off let him know you are not in the mood. You're having a moment and don't want to be around people right now. I have done that with some people. The smart ones get the picture, others stick around and get snapped at.
I had a stupid ex-boyfriend who would just go "you're never in the mood" and try to go on and on talking to me when I JUST said I'm not in the mood and am upset. Some just don't get it.