jelly bean you are so young to have lost your father you see through a childs eyes yes he was your father who did the best that he could perhaps his up bringing was far more worse than your young life. try not to be angry with him he may have had a difficult child hood with his parents. My father was the same yet i love him anyways i later learned after coming accross some papers he had written about his childhood when i finally realized what kind of a life he had endured when he was growing up and it was a hard life. only then was i able to understand with love in my heart that he did only what he himself was taught by his father. you are young jellybean when you become more older and wiser you will find your answers and all that you are longing for now will be answered. if your father had a difficult time when he was your age and that was all he knew is it his fault? or the one who raised him?
love him forgive him and show him that you life will be different than the one he had for i am sure he wanted good things for you and that you live your life to the fullest and are happy.

god bless you jellybean

I would have to agree with Shur1. My mom was difficult to live with, but since my dad died when I was 3, my mom was all I had, so I loved her anyway, even though she was quite abusive. She made me very angry at times, and I didn't understand why she did the things she did. She was frequently on the outs with my brother, sister or me--sometimes all 3 of us. My mom had a difficult time getting along with people. I really didn't understand what was wrong with her. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying about your dad. Then, my mom died unexpectedly when I was 24--she was killed in a car accident. Maybe about 20+ yrs later, one of her sisters told my sister and I the reason my mom was so hard to live with. It isn't something I want to go into here--but something terrible had happened to her repeatedly when she was younger and she never got over it, and it made her an angry and bitter person. I'm still not sure why what happened to her caused her to take her anger out on her children, except that maybe the experience just made her crazy. But at least I understand now, and I can forgive her.

So the point I'm making to you, Jelly bean , is that I had to wait almost 25 yrs to find that out. It may take you a long time to find out the reason your dad messed up--but there is usually a reason. Maybe he was just too young to be a dad? Sometimes it is just something that simple. But I will also tell you something else--we can learn from our parents mistakes. I personally vowed to be a much better Mom to my children than my mom was to me. Think about what you really missed, and plan to live you own life so that your own children will have the kind of life that you wish you could have had. I'm not talking about money. I'm talking about love and emotional support. Things like that. Whatever is important to you. Good luck! Hugs, Cherie