Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
It's been 10 months since my estranged father's death. I have dealt with grief in more ways than one from working obsessively to isolating myself from friends to wanting to be alone. I have been selfish, shopped, etc. I've worked to rebuild myself and indulged in new hobbies from baking/cooking to learning how to use equine/horse therapy to work with children and adults, who have dealt with trauma. I've dealt with changes from receiving news of my younger brother having a brain tumor to surgery to preparing for radiation to shrink the tumor more. I've managed to come to grips with the fact, I am not angry with the woman my late father chose to have (5) children with is three years older than me; along with knowing he fathered 10plus other children too. I have no interest in meeting them nor do I know where to find them. I'm in contact with the mother of his last (5) children; her last child for him was a little boy, he turned (1) over the holiday and took to him and bought him a gift for his birthday from me and my mom. My mom attended the party briefly in my absence and home sick in bed. Our family homelife has been uprooted to "Allamuchy, NJ" and it reminds me of the"Hallmark Channel" Christmas movies and scary. It's funny though, since my estranged father's unexpected death, I think more about career, family, and children each day. I know, I'm only in my early 30's and (5) classes away from finishing my M.Ed before starting my doctoral program, when I return from taking my gap year off. Indeed, the grief is still somewhat there wondering if my father did care or wanted to get to know me, walk me down the aisle to my wedding, etc. Only time will tell, I love my mom for standing by me during this difficult journey and more.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Continued support while the process continues. Healing hopes.
I envy you your mother. Life carries no greater blessing.
What I realized was that I was grieving the fact that I never had the father I wanted, and that he never showed any remorse for the sexual abuse he perpetrated on me. I grieved that any sliver of hope I held onto for him to say "I'm sorry" or anything similar was gone. I grieved that our relationship was broken and could never get fixed. There was a big loss there, and thankfully I have a wonderful husband and an amazing heavenly father who both have carried me through all this with tenderness, grace, and patience.
So what I suggest is to allow yourself to grieve in your own way. Your relationship with your father was unlike anyone else's, and no one will feel his death the way you do. Perhaps you can do something cathartic such as write him a letter and pour out all your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps you can ask your half-siblings about him, to get to know him through their eyes.
You're blessed to have your mom. She is probably also grieving, but in a completely different way than you. If he left her for the other woman, she carries deep pain over that, and his death intensifies that loss. Make sure you let her know how much you love and appreciate her.
When someone dies, it always causes us to reevaluate our own lives. That's probably why you're thinking more about family, kids, etc. Ask yourself if there are any relationships that need to be healed and restored now, before it's too late. No one lies on their deathbed wishing they'd worked more, but everyone has regrets about unrestored relationships. If there's someone you need to ask forgiveness from, do it now.
It's great that you've done so many healthy things to get through this grieving time. Just make sure you do the "deep work" in your soul, too. God is with you, waiting for an invitation to help you through it all and to heal you. He offers far more to us than we can even imagine.
I wish you well on your healing journey.
Congrads on almost finishing your masters! I wanted to go back myself for school counseling (I am a teacher now), but then my mom got really sick, and now I just don't really have the motivation to do it like before.
It sounds like you are a survivor and are moving forward the best way you know how. Take time to reflect on the little things to be thankful for each and every day. It helps take the sting out of the not so happy events of this life and to determine to keep moving forward.
It took me a long time to reflect upon being thankful for even the painful parts of life. But over time I realized that without them I couldn't fully appreciate the good things of life. The little things, the calmness of a new morning etc... Without pain or distress in our body, we wouldn't know to go to the doctor to discover what is wrong and possibly fix it. Pain can be a good motivator for change. You are stronger than you know!