Bereavement - Teens Support Group
This community is focused on teens who have lost someone close to them. Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, and while most people focus on the emotional response to loss, it can affect us behaviorally, physically, and even spiritually. This is a safe place to talk about how you're feeling and coping with grief, and to share experiences that have helped you through.
Hi guys,
I have a 15 yr old niece who lost her Dad just over a year ago. Her Dad was like a brother to me! He was there with me and my husband(his twin brother) through the loss of our baby boy and was a truley emotional, inspirational guy. He always played the bad cop to his 15 yr old while mom was the good cop. Dad never let her drink, have sleepovers with boys, etc. while mom was the exact opposite. He even put aside whatever money he could for his kids education eventhough he was physically unable to work and on disability. Meanwhile mom hasnt done anything of that sort. Anyways, ever since he died his daughter is acting the same as before, spoiled, only calls when she wants something, using everyone for everything. She is showing no emotions toward losing her dad, just saying they never got along anyways. It makes me mad because now she is calling her stepdad DAD and cheering for his sports teams over what her and her real dad used to cheer for... only because her stepdad's family is visiting and bought her a new laptop and cellphone, etc. She didnt even show up to the laying of her dads ashes because her mom let her have a party at her house with alcohol that same day. She doesnt want to see any of her dads side of the family very much since he died... besides holidays where she gets gifts. I am only 22 myself and know that teens have a tough time going through the changes of life, etc. but I don't think shes being like this because she cant deal with it. I think she is just trying to turn the situation into a "spoil me" spree and I dont agree with it. Any of you who have lost parents, did you do the same? If not how DID you cope? I've tried talking to her one on one, tried making a memory book of her dad and she doesnt care.
I have a 15 yr old niece who lost her Dad just over a year ago. Her Dad was like a brother to me! He was there with me and my husband(his twin brother) through the loss of our baby boy and was a truley emotional, inspirational guy. He always played the bad cop to his 15 yr old while mom was the good cop. Dad never let her drink, have sleepovers with boys, etc. while mom was the exact opposite. He even put aside whatever money he could for his kids education eventhough he was physically unable to work and on disability. Meanwhile mom hasnt done anything of that sort. Anyways, ever since he died his daughter is acting the same as before, spoiled, only calls when she wants something, using everyone for everything. She is showing no emotions toward losing her dad, just saying they never got along anyways. It makes me mad because now she is calling her stepdad DAD and cheering for his sports teams over what her and her real dad used to cheer for... only because her stepdad's family is visiting and bought her a new laptop and cellphone, etc. She didnt even show up to the laying of her dads ashes because her mom let her have a party at her house with alcohol that same day. She doesnt want to see any of her dads side of the family very much since he died... besides holidays where she gets gifts. I am only 22 myself and know that teens have a tough time going through the changes of life, etc. but I don't think shes being like this because she cant deal with it. I think she is just trying to turn the situation into a "spoil me" spree and I dont agree with it. Any of you who have lost parents, did you do the same? If not how DID you cope? I've tried talking to her one on one, tried making a memory book of her dad and she doesnt care.
I would never call another man my dad, i had a dad and he was the only one to whom needed to be called dad, dont get me wrong i love my moms boyfriend to death, but he isn't my father.
Maybe she is doing this is a reaction of losing her dad, or it's because when her daddy was alive he wouldn't let her do certain things, but now she is getting everything she wants.
And when i lost my daddy i hate talking about him, because it upsets me, the biggest way i learned to deal with my many emotions was by writing poems, sitting and writing always made me feel so much better with dealing with the pain.
But your niece needs to know her daddy was hard on her for a reason, and that reason is, in this world you will NOT always get what you want, the world is unfair and being spoiled makes it harder.
I hope this helped in someway, feel free to message me anytime you would like someone to talk to.
Take care.
*Hazel*
But to answer your question, no I didn't turn it into a "spoil me" type of thing. I was the coldest person you could have ever met. I didn't cry, I acted like I didn't care, I HATED the fact that my dad left, I blamed it all on him. That's how I coped even when I was your nieces age. But now that I'm older(17), i just try not to think about it. I don't ever talk about it and I don't like it when people bring him up. Your niece just needs to process what happened before she copes.
And she may think that her dad and her never got a long because he was strict, but when she gets older she'll be grateful for it. And she'll realize that her real dad had her best interest at heart by being tough on her, unlike her step-dad, who spoils her.
Just make sure that she knows your open to talk to her about her dad whenever she's ready.
And maybe you can tell her about this site, and how I could help her knowing there are teens out there who has also lost a parent.
And I'm truly sorry for your loss. Feel free to message me anytime.