adam77,
This did bother me for a while, until several years ago when I was told that it was caused by a genetic disease, which if left untreated, could kill me. I was warned the surgery for this disease would leave me incontinent 24/7, but would protect my kidneys from reflux damage. My family understand, and my children are especially relieved that they do not have this disease.

I understand how easy it is to obsess about bedwetting. My goal is to accept it for what it is, and try to get on with life. Ultimately, it is just another quirk, a disability not unlike the need to wear eyeglasses, hearing aids, or leg braces.

When this first started, in panic I got myself up several times each night, trying to keep my bed dry. After a few days, sleep deprivation made my life miserable, and could well have caused a vehicle accident. Now I that accept the inevitable, heavy nighttime diapering gives me a good night's sleep, and I awake refreshed and ready for the day.

For myself, brain damage and inner ear disease interacting with my incontinence is a little more challenging. I sometimes collapse with little or no warning, and almost always, when I regain consciousness, I have had an accident that has soaked my pants. Even on my best days, I walk like a drunk, and must hang onto walls and furniture to prevent falling. I do not enjoy the looks of strangers who think I'm drunk, or regaining consciousness, feeling my soaked pants, seeing a ring of strange faces staring down at me.

My opinion is this: We can control it during the day like other people, so why would the same not be true at night?

That, for me, leads to those feelings.

I should add, I've forced myself to largely get over the "ashamed" feeling because quite honestly, I'm not 12 and nobody is shaming me for it, except myself. But it still feels shameful at times, not so much at home, but when having to take extra precautions when traveling. That's when it kind of takes hold again. I'm still not too worried about it anymore... if someone finds out, or something comes up, that's life.

I wet the bed for most of my childhood and teen life, almost every night. I slowed then stopped for good when I was around 25.

My question now is how has this affected me mentally today?

I cant seem to find any syndrome related to this but it would seem that there would be some common mental affects to us based on the constant shame for 20 years.

Does anyone know of a place to uncover this?

Thanks!

I used to constantly feel ashamed about it as well. When I finally broke the silence about it with my fiance, she taught me how to just laugh it off. We call the Ditropan I take each night my "peepee pill" and she'll joke when I get a sudden urge in the grocery store and have to run a mile to the washroom.

It sounds to others as though she is mean, but she truly has helped me learn to be forgiving of myself and deal with it through humor.

Hi Adam and all you bring up a tough question my bedwetting started when I was older from bph so it was a double problem wetting and being out of diapers for 50+ yrs talked to my wife about she is a great support but the shame and stigma was very hard to deal with.Thanks

i feel it's my problem, I feel that way because it's a psychological sense of , well I do not do it awake, which is not always true, sometimes I feel like I squirt a bit in my pants, or that if i just go, and it feels like I have to go again, I'll get a few squirts of urine off accidentally while awake, but i feel if I can generally control it during the day, I must have a problem for not being able to control it at night, and since that it seems like all the weight of the world is on me, maybe it is MY fault. I mean who else or what else is to blame. I've always been told I was lazy as a kid, and that hurt me personally, because no one is going to you know coddle me because of it, and in a sense, not getting that as a child, I was always hating myself for doing it, as if it were my fault.

Has anyone else felt tlike they develpoed a bad thought pattern thru life based on hteri bed wetting experience?

I mean when I DIDNT wet the bed one night I spent a long time thinking what it was I did differently that day that may have helped me not to wet the bed.

It seems all kinds of weird maybe even superstitious things became a possible solution.

I have a feeling that 15 years of this has left me with a bad thought habit.

Anyone else?

Yes, Sparky, I agree with you. As a child, then teen bedwetter, I feel that the constant shame altered my sense of self. This mind you was in combination with the abuse I was enduring at the time, which I feel contributed to the problem in the first place. I lived in constant fear and self-blame all the time. My sense of self-esteem continued tumbling throughout those years. My mother who was my main abuser contributed to that when she constantly reminded me of my no-worth (among other abuses, which I won't go into here), and would even humiliate me in front of my (very few) friends (as a teen) regarding my nighttime problem. Also, I can't tell you how much time I spent analyzing what I did wrong, what I did right...just like you say.

When I moved out of my mother's house for good at the age of 17 the problem went away, I thought forever.
Since the age of 19 I have had 3 accidents at night. The first at 19 was due to a night of too much alcohol I'm sure. The next 2 occurred in just the last few months (I will be 52 this year). The first being a near miss...so I disregarded it. The 2nd (less than a week ago) was a full-blown wet while competely in a dead sleep. I don't mind saying to you that I panicked. All those 40 year-old feelings came back. I felt like I was being punished all over again.
I'll tell you something else; back then I was depressed and suicidal for a long time. I had one attempt at age 16. Lately, I have been feeling very bad also. I know some of what is contributing to the problem now. I have been worrying non-stop about the economy and our personal finances for about a year. That has contributed to sleeping problems. Plus, I associate my obsessive financial worries to my childhood, as we were on welfare for years, and had to keep moving from one dangerous slum to another, plus endure things like our electricity and water being shut off. Today, I hear about poor families who are happy, and how they grew stronger as they pulled together through rough times, and I am envious of them...can you believe it?

I also know now that I have sleep apnea, and may have developed it years ago. I see here on this forum that some are drawing a correlation between this sleep disorder and bedwetting. That makes sense to me. Especially since I've also learned recently that there's a chemical change that is supposed to occur at night in your brain to signal to your bladder so slow down its filling up. It turns out that this only happens when you are sleeping properly. So you see what a vicious cycle this can be.

I also see a connection with the "bad thought pattern" as you call it. Since my own mother, who in familial normalcy is the closest person to a child, and she had betrayed my trust so early on, and showed me by example that even one who (supposedly) loves you can hurt you severely, I have been set up to be insecure, not trusting, and believing that most people would rather not do the right thing.

Finally, you can see that I'm still the analytical-type, but it's a good thing for me, because I am usually successful at finding certain answers on my own nowadays...it's the only thing that makes me feel "worthy."

I want also to say to all of you who are experiencing this now as a recurring nightly problem; I wish I could be as brave and strong as you all are. But I know I never could be, as you see by what I have written here. If I can't fix this problem on my own, and it gets worse, believe me I will be better off in another life.

But I am optimistic: I have set myself on a mission to cure my sleeping disorder, I am wearing protection at night now, and I am losing weight, and continually improving my diet. As for my emotions...well it took so much courage for me to get on here (you have NO idea!) and talk to you all, maybe this is what I need.

Thank you all for listening.

When I was young I was quite embarrassed to be a bedwetter even only my immediate family knew. I wore diapers and plastic pants to bed and that kept my friends from knowing I was a bedwetter. I did everything I could to keep my bedwetting and my diapers a secret from all my friends. My mom cooperated with keeping my diapers, plastic pants and bedwetting hidden.

Ever since I was a teenager I have not worried too much about my bedwetting. I knew nobody would ever know unless I wanted them to know. I am convinced with discretion and the use of cloth diapers and plastic pants that bedwetting can be kept confidendial.

Even if people did find out that I wore night diapers and plastic pants to bed I would not care. I already know that is not what is "judgeable". I want and expect people to judge me on my character, my personality, my achievemants and so many other things other than the fact I am a bedwetter.

I put my bedwetting and night diapers and plastic pants in perpective and its way down on the list of things I worry about.

If I heard someone make a snide or negative comment about my bedwetting or me wearing diapers and plastic pants I would know deep inside that those negative comments came from insecurities in the speaker. We all have insecurities and in the past I have made unkind comments to people so I can't throw stones. I just try to learn and become more kind.