Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group
Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.
Anyone have inlaws or parents that refuse to acknowledge your child's autism spectrum disorder? I have a MIL who lives in the same town as us and co-owns a business with my husband. Grandkids are very important to her. She demands that she be given the first option to babysit or becomes upset (a whole other issue). I have had to quit asking her to babysit because she has 10 grandchildren, 6 of whom either live with her (along with their parents) or are over all the time (dumped by their parents). All the chaos and noise stresses my daughter out with her PDD-NOS and SPD. Also, when my MIL can't make them all behave she screams hysterically for them to be quiet. My husband and I don't find this appropriate for either of our children...especially not our daughter with her sensory problems. So, we've gone to a professional counselor (yep, it's that bad) to work it out. My MIL refuses to do things in smaller groups of grandchildren but gets hysterical when I or my husband don't let our children come over. I've tried explaining our daughter's issues, but she tells me that's absurd and that I'm causing our daughter's stress but not letting her come over not that the chaotic loud environment does. My daughter likes her Nana but doesn't like to spend time without my hubby or I present so we can step in when our daughter can't cope anymore. Does anyone else have this issue? If so, how do you handle it? Counseling has been going on for 2 months between MIL, hubby, and me. So far it hasn't been effective to resolve any of the tension.
First and foremost, you need to do what is best for your little girl. You are her voice. You know what she needs. Yes, interaction with other children is great, especially cousins. But if I were you, I'd be keeping it supervised by either you or your husband until your daughter has developed coping skills.
I've learned that you can not change our "moms''. Sometimes, they are willing to see, sometimes they just watch with their eyes shut tight. Seeming as if they don't acknowledge the problems, then they just are not there.
I've got a blend of various autism supporters on both sides of our family. Some embrace it, some kinda get it, some didn't hear a word you just said and some didn't know autism existed, because you know, all kids with "problems" have to be retarded. I've learned how to manage (the best I can) with all of these people, because they are my family.
Maybe you need to treat this like it's a job opportunity. If you were going to hire the college girl down the street to watch your kids, you would train them. What if you did the same thing with your MIL?
Giving her a book to read (I like, The out of synch child by Carol Stock Kranowitz). Give her a pop quiz, because if you don't, you can guarantee that your daughter will at some point.
Honestly my mom was in the middle of all acceptances. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't want to change her ways when it came down to helping my boys. And it wasn't until she saw the fear in their eyes, or held them while they were shaking, experienced the things that my husband and I did all the time, is when she finally came around.
Now, she's great. So even old dogs can learn new tricks. No grandparent wants to see their grandchild suffer. And they will have a who world of excuses, advice up until the child breaks through to them.
I hope it happens for your family.
in hindi (an indian language) , there is a saying for people like your MIL-- that is --- BHAD ME JAO (GO TO HELL)-- you may not tell her exactly these words but keep this in your own mind and act in the same way.............
Sowle...Yeah, I think there must be a planet that my MIL comes from requires you to be controlling, manipulative, angry, crazy, and demanding. lol.
My MIL often comments that our son (12 months - dx disorder of childhood delay) is being "sheltered" because we maintain a consistent schedule with him regarding naps and certain activities. At this time, she doesn't spend enough time with our son to see that a dx is appropriate for him. Even if she did spend enough time, I think she'd continue to bury her head in the sand.
Until she can educate herself on our son's delays, we continue to do what's in the best interest of our son, even if it upsets her. She is not our priority and we certainly won't let our son suffer or have set backs just so she can have her way.
So my suggestion is to send her information or a book on autism and ask her to please educate herself for the interest of her grandchild and to please be respectful and understanding. If she can't or refuses to do this, then I would limit contact with her. You have to put your family first and can't make exceptions for her ignorance.