Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group
Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.
I have been working forever with schools to try to get my son with ASD what he needs... but the system keeps failing him.
He has a rewards system - finally - but the sytem is still failing him.
HE came home yesterday with a note from his teacher that I just want to scream about because I am sick of things like this happening. Here is the long and short of it.
Short is he was stanging in line with his class waiting to go into his music class (he is in 2nd grade) and the two boys behind him were pking him. After about 5 minutes of this, my son freaked out on them and pushed them away shouting at them. My son got in trouble for being a bully, trying to hurt others, and causing a disruption in the hall. The other kids were told to appologize.
The Long of it. My son ha sensory issues. Each time one of those kids poked him in the back, to him, it's like a knife being shoved into his back. How many times could a normal person take a knife being stabbed into their back before freaking out and trying to push it away? He has ben dealing with schools and teachers long enough that he knows that if he goes to the teacher the firs time, the teacher will just shrug it off and say smething like "I'm sure it was an accident" or her addressing the whole class "ok - keep you hands to yourself" and when he gets back in line it will continue or even be worse because now he is a narc. So instaed he trie sto hold out hoping that the system will not fail him and someone will notice or the situation will change so that he does not have to deal with this struggle anymore. But when it becomes too overwhelming he has todo something. Also having ASD he is terible at expressing himself in words, so him trying to tell someone that ty are hurting him and need to stop does t go well. It turns into him pushing people away from him and him covering his ears as he yes for people to leave him alone. I've seen it a thousand times. Wouldn't you take matters into your own hands if no one came to help you and you were being stabbed in the back?
So why do I say that the school system is failing him? first of all - why are teachers not seeing these thigns. I have been a teacher so I know the answer - they can't be everywhere, they can't see everything, they have a lot of kids to look after... I know all of those things and I understand all of those things... so I am ot really mad at the teacher, but I am some.
Then we get into the larger system. Most schools have ano bully policy and they use tis word Bully so much that it has absolutely no meaning to anyone. I have taled to my son about what that word means and when he may be seen as one to other students.... but the students who really are, have no idea that they are because this word Bully it meaningless to them. These kid were bullying my son. And eventhough there is a no bully policy, the worst thing they got was forced to appologize fornot keeping their hands to themselves. a better thing instead of this crazy bully policy would be to actually teach respect and disipline to children. As someone who works in schools consistantly I hear that all the time that kids have no sense of respect or dsipline - well if you want them to learn it - teach it! Respect starts with mutual dispalys of respect, hough, and many schools struggle with the idea that they ned to respect the students if they want the students to respect them. Respect is only a word they see on the wall on the classroom rules to respect the personal belongs and person space of others... they don;t actually know what the word means becaue it is not a word that can be said and understood, it is a word that needs to be shown. Tollerance would also be useful in teaching stuents that they don't know what is going on for another kid, so acting with love towards others at all times and not jumping to conclusions would be good.
Now I know that these are not going to be done, but until they are the problem will continue. Bullies will continue to go unpunished and kids like my son will continue to be disiplined for reacting to bullies in ways that the school does not appove.
I stopped teaching because I could not help the students from the standpoint of a teacher.
I am ready to put my son in cyber school but how does that help his struggles with students socially?
ug.
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I have 3 kids. 24. 17. 15. My 17 yr old has become super defiant. He and his 15 yr old sister have on their own decision stopped going to their dads because he and his household is so toxic.My 15 yr old and myself feel like we have to tip toe around my son who is 17. And physically towers over us and out weighs us. He has become emotionally abusive and on the verge of becoming physically...
Get him taken out of lines. Yes that singles him out...but he's already singled out.
Go in and have a meeting with the principal and teacher. Repeat over and over "What are you doing to prevent this from happening again? What are you doing to protect my son? You KNOW that light touches HURT my son the same way that a punch would hurt another child...so what are you doing to prevent it? You KNOW this...what are you doing? Are you doing anything to educate the other children in the classroom so that they won't inadvertently HURT my son?...."
I personally HATED the behavior/reward systems, and absolutely refused to be a part of them in the school. I almost, but never did, start a reward system where if my son got in enough trouble in school...that I rewarded him twice as much (directly opposite). Things started getting dramatically better as I stopped co-operating with their system. That's just what worked for me. If the reward system is working for you...then your school is better than my son's was.
Cyber school might not solve the problem but I wouldn't rule it out as a temporary measure to get him a break if you feel things have reached that point.
I agree that it's the school's job to see to it that your son isn't bullied and I would point out to them that the other kids were the aggressors.
Is it possible for your son to transfer to a smaller classroom?(With fewer kids?) Or can he get a support person added during times/activities that are most likely to be when problems occur?
I hope it can be worked out to his benefit.
Best wishes.
my son was in 2nd grade also when I took him out of school. he is in cub scouts and taekwondo and a small class for 6 hours a week, plus ABA and speech and a tutor who works with him at home. he has socialization opportunities. but part of the problem is that people are too much, so I think these kids need a better balance to allow them to feel safe. I don't think it's necessarily helpful to bombard them with society if it just makes them aggressive. I hope you figure out the right thing for your son. I just thought I would share how I'm handling a similar situation.
I myself am probably Asperger and am very sensory defensive and I almost go into a panic in lines. it's just not a good thing. lines......
does he have speech services? speech services does more than just work with speech. My son had a speech teacher and while he did not meet criteria for regular services, he did qualify for social skills training with the speech teacher... i.e... how to come up with ways to handle various social situations such as standing in line and how to verbalize his feelings as well as how to speak up for himself in a calm manner.