Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
Back when I first got curious about whether or not I had AS, I read that many aspies are narrow-minded, or possess limited understanding in areas such as s person's beliefs, habits, etc. and that one thing at least SOME aspies do is try to force their narrow, rigid strictures on others.
I do this.
I'm a pretty closed-minded individual. On good says when I try my hardest to be other-wise, you can almost sense a bad mood coming on in me.
I've commented before that my "inner order" is very important, and that means thinking how I want to think about things, and I generally exact others to do the same. If someone has a vastly different opinion than I, I'm less likely to think "live and let live" than I am "they're stupid, crazy, something's wrong with them, etc".
I've been reading lately how some people think aspies are actually MORE open-mined or free of prejudice than others. At first I didn't understand how this could be, seeing as how the rigidity, rituals, and routines, combined with an inability to understand people, and the added symptom of forcing things on others--even without being aware of it--would foster anything except closed-mindedness and prejudice, as it seems to have in me.
But then I talked with my therapist about it, and he's of a similar opinon as I, but he thinks that many AS patients may have developed a kind of "anything goes" attitude, ironically, form the same roots as the closed minded ones, like myself, do.
That, from being bullied, belittled, and or not understood by NT's, and being unable to determine what really is "normal", they tend to accpet everyone as normal.
Whatever the case, I am certainly not one of these aspies.
I feel like I have to terraform. Terraforming is usually used in science fiction, when people, or aliens, attempt to make a planet or some other area habitable by creating oxygen, food, and other necessities for it through artificial means.
It's like I have to enforce my will, attempt to remold reality to suit my rigid needs. When people are VERY different from me, it's not that interpret it as an attack, it's just a sense of "wrongness" that I get, that it "should not be", and I try to conquer, change, or just bug them because they made me not like them--which is ironic, considering how much I really DON'T like to hurt people.
I'm just wondering if anyone else does this?
I do this.
I'm a pretty closed-minded individual. On good says when I try my hardest to be other-wise, you can almost sense a bad mood coming on in me.
I've commented before that my "inner order" is very important, and that means thinking how I want to think about things, and I generally exact others to do the same. If someone has a vastly different opinion than I, I'm less likely to think "live and let live" than I am "they're stupid, crazy, something's wrong with them, etc".
I've been reading lately how some people think aspies are actually MORE open-mined or free of prejudice than others. At first I didn't understand how this could be, seeing as how the rigidity, rituals, and routines, combined with an inability to understand people, and the added symptom of forcing things on others--even without being aware of it--would foster anything except closed-mindedness and prejudice, as it seems to have in me.
But then I talked with my therapist about it, and he's of a similar opinon as I, but he thinks that many AS patients may have developed a kind of "anything goes" attitude, ironically, form the same roots as the closed minded ones, like myself, do.
That, from being bullied, belittled, and or not understood by NT's, and being unable to determine what really is "normal", they tend to accpet everyone as normal.
Whatever the case, I am certainly not one of these aspies.
I feel like I have to terraform. Terraforming is usually used in science fiction, when people, or aliens, attempt to make a planet or some other area habitable by creating oxygen, food, and other necessities for it through artificial means.
It's like I have to enforce my will, attempt to remold reality to suit my rigid needs. When people are VERY different from me, it's not that interpret it as an attack, it's just a sense of "wrongness" that I get, that it "should not be", and I try to conquer, change, or just bug them because they made me not like them--which is ironic, considering how much I really DON'T like to hurt people.
I'm just wondering if anyone else does this?
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
You could argue that many religions are an attempt to remould unpalatable facts of life.
It's just that Aspies may have different needs to others. But then every type of person has their own distinct need.
But fundamentally we are no different.
"my husband has AS and he is 33. He is opened minded on alot of stuff. But there are certain things he is very ridged and closed minded on. He does not always understand why NT 's do some of the things we do or say the things we say sometimes. Because of this he can come across a little rough sometimes. "
Sounds less extreme than me. Or maybe I'm just exaggerating or going through a slump.
What are the things he's closed minded about?
" He is closed minded about emotions. Does not understand why people let them take over sometimes. He is very opinionated and has a hard time seeing others points of view. He thinks most people are "not as smart as he is." He has a pretty ridged way of doing things in a specific order and they have to be done that way in X amount of time. He is unable to relax and just not worry about time. He is very adamant about this. Don't even get him started on religion or politics that is a war I learned the hard way not to fight. He can have a "God" complex sometimes. But I have learned to accept most of these things as just part of him. "
That actually does sound a LOT like me. What happens to me is if I don;t get my way or people don't conform to my way of thinking, or even if I have a supposition about something based on evidence I think I have, and it turns out to "surprise" me, I get afraid--deathly sometimes even. And it can also lead to a meltdown . Fortunately that's only happened once, and it had the added factor of "eros" involved.
Your description of yourself sounds exactly like my boyfriend and I found this post searching for "close mindedness and aspergers" to do some research about how to deal with and manage this part of him. In general, he is extremely intelligent, loving, affectionate, etc. and I love him like crazy ... but he is extremely closed-minded. He's only just begun his personal exploration of his AS, so he's in fledgling stages of working on himself (we are going to try therapy though!) and I think this is something he hasn't figured out about himself yet, and something he would probably not want to admit to just yet. He's fairly self-aware and has admitted that he's come a long way in the past 8 months or so (we've been together less than that) and so I am extremely optimistic that with some professional help (with someone he feels comfortable with and can trust), he'll make even more progress.
When we have discussions about social issues/politics (something we are both passionate about, I more informed about social issues, he more informed about current politics) we often end up fighting badly (we never fight about anything else, ever) and he has even broken up with me several times while blinded by anger and fueled by a need to be "right", prove me "wrong", not have to deal with anyone who would attempt to dismantle his rigid (and problematic!) views.
From my perspective, it seems like a lack of empathy (one of the symptoms of AS that he knows he has) is the culprit. He simply cannot see things from any other perspective other than his own, or think about how things affect people who are not him or are not in his particular circumstances (not very helpful in conversations about social justice!). So what I've tried to do is get in from the intellectual side - I would never say things like: "But people are dying!", hoping to elicit empathy and hoping that he'll then "see" that these problems are serious, but try to get in from a technical or logical standpoint - I say "under this definition of (whatever), if we accept that democracy is (whatever), then it follows that (blah blah blah)". It helps that I have a degree in and teach philosophy, but by the time I even get the momentum to set up the conversation this way, his tunnel-vision (as it seems to me) has kicked in, and he's already angry and disagreeable and I can feel his "righteous anger" ebbing away any reason he might have normally.
I'm wondering if you or anyone else who feels that they have this trait has found any way of dealing with it? Again, he is planning on going to therapy and I really hope that some of the behaviors associated with his close-mindedness can be worked on and being someone who has problems of her own (shades of borderline personality disorder, making these fights particularly hard on me and often making me dissociate), I understand it's a process.
A lot of people with BPD won't admit they have it, or will only "toy with the idea" of having it, but won't openly admit it, its good that you can do that. Are you sure you have it?
Also, I'm not calling you a liar or anything, but how do you or he even know he has AS? Is he diagnosed, has he had these thigns all his life. does he stim, etc.?
See, its not just that I'm rigid and closed minded to the point of prejudice, I also rock back and forth to music, shake flimsy sticks, feel the smoothness of my nails (done those things for as long as I can remember), that's how I more or less know I must be on the ASD spectrum, that and a bunch of people, professionsals included, saying I do.
#13 - not all people w/Asperger's display the same symptoms. Many do not rock back and forth like you are describing. I have read countless and countless books on this condition - Theres a very good one out there "Asperger Syndorme in Adulthood - A comprehensive Guid for Clinicians. Excellent source of information.
I find that there's very little awarness about this condition and there are many ppl out there with it. It interferes tremendously with relationships for too many reasons to list. Wrongplanet.net is also a good site. Maybe ya'll already know about it.
Take care :)