Hello ReedNotRed I read from some earlier posts of your recent marraige. Congrats! Your naturally empathetic nature should serve you well, especially if fatherhood is in your plans. Your "obsession" is probably nothing more than the seeking of strong bonds with those whom you most admire, and wish to emulate (to some extent). Its just a guess but, it sounds like you are searching for "Father Figures", perhaps because you've lacked a sufficient enough bond with your own father? A further impetus may stem from 'abandonment issues' and/or 'separation anxiety' originating in childhood (we never really outgrow things, we just suppress them). Of course, I could be wrong!

Just a follow-up to Reply #1: The simplest answer may be that you're simply in search of deep-meaningful friendships with people. This may be an offshoot of ONE aspect of the multiple aspects in your relationship with your wife. You must have done alot of "Soul-searching" during your courtship. In so doing, you looked within yourself - beneath the surface - and 'you're OK with what you found out about yourself '. You realized you can get in touch with deeper feelings and powerful emotions; there's alot more to you than you ever imagined. So, you ask yourself, "Why can't all relationships (appropriate to the type) be as deep and meaningful. The more you've sought thisout, the more you've discovered the opposite is the norm. Most friendships (at least ones I've been a part of) were nothing more than "acquaintance-ships". There's no depth. Its all just superficial and shallow. The reason for this is because most people don't have the guts to look beneath their surface, as you've done. They're terrified of what they'd find. More to the point, what they would have to admit to, and need to improve. Are you strange for thinking as you do about friendships? I can only say, that I wish there were about 3 billion more men like you, and 3 billion less of the kind there is now.

thanks for your replies FC Slll, i kind of get what your saying.... but one thing that i've never really ammitted to myself is that as i was 'courting' my wife, i was also ultimatly choosing one half of my personality over another.... i know we all struggle with what we want to do in our lives, but one part of me wants kids, wants to be married, and all those other things we wish for, yet another side of me wants to be alone, and doesn't need friends or love...
i think b/c i know that i don't follow the traditional path of a male in my generation, in my peers groups, i'm searching to what that experience really is

Dear ReedNotRed, I think we were separated at birth (age not withstanding) I tried SO hard to be the married version of "Me", but it never worked. My 2 years of noble efforts to "do the right thing" after getting my girlfriend of 6-weeks pregnant, went unappreciated, and unsupported. I discovered years later that the secret to a successful marraige begins with two people who are "Right" for each other. With that, the shared focus is on this new Family, of which, each of you are individual components. Please read my posting on the Aspergers for Adults Group-site entitled "Reciprocity". Which of the types describes your relationship?
As for wanting "your own life" still; you've spent 20+ years as an independant individual, and now you're commited to a co-dependant union for the first time in your life. Its only natural to harbor doubts and fears. In order to more fairly judge which is BEST (married/single), strive to meet or exceed the level of happiness you enjoyed in bachelorhood (of course, remaining true to your vows). Seek out the help and support of both sets of parents/friends to help assure your marraige's success.
Don't worry so much about defining yourself. We're all "a mixed bag" of traits - real or imagined. Your thoughts are your own, and exist only in your imagination - your actions are REAL.

Dear ReedNotRed, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you "know that [you] don't follow the traditional path of a male in [this] generation, in [your] peer groups." You are very intuitive to realize that you are indeed searching to discover just "what that experience really is."

There is nothing wrong with that. Many people wonder how other's experience their lives. But not many have the guts to find out for themselves.

Curiosity only becomes an obsession when it permeates your life to the exclusion of all else, causing your life to become chaotic.

Depending on how close your friend is to you, you may be able to discuss your curiosity with him. Especially if he is aware of your AS and understands what it means to have it.

thank you all for your replies/ comments...
i think why this is also coming up in my life right now, is the fact that my brother-in-law has begun a relationship, and i'm so intreged with what that experience is

I'm not sure how much this applies, but I once heard a wonderful lecture on levels of intimacy. Sorry that I'm blanking on one, but it was basically along the lines of acquaintance, friend, intimate. They were concentric circles, with each circle being smaller & containing fewer people, but people you shared more with, people you trusted more.

Perhaps your new BIL is coming into a smaller circle of yours, so you want to know him better & share more, especially since he's part of your new "family". I don't know if you grew up with brothers, but maybe you're looking for the brother/peer you never had. FCSIII mentioned Father figures & he could be some variation on that theme. If he's starting a new relationship, maybe you want to compare notes with him?