Hi...I Totally Agree!!!

Your Dear Mom is not helping her son, she, Like I Did IS hurting him by protecting and enabling his behaviors.

I'm 68, I had my son at 43 and protected him being a helicopter Mom...worst thing I could have done to him.

Today after living like a hermit for 5 years in a boarding house from 19 because he was violent to me, just eating sleeping and playing his computer. His room looked like and smelled like a bomb went off...they kicked him out Oct 1...he spent two months at a program for young adults who would otherwise be homeless....I said No Way was he coming home...he is almost 25 now.

Well due to covid I just couldn't put him into a homeless shelter. When he came home He Was A Different 100% Different Person!! I still can't believe he is my son!!! What being kicked out taught him, me saying he would be homeless was to actually listen and 'want to change'.

He has a case manager, one of the conditions of him returning was to get a therapist. Because he is addicted to his computer he has No Computer/electronics from 10am-4pm...his cm and I have put together things for him to do during the day "to work towards his future" After I've died as he has No One....father is not in his life, and All my family has died.

I'd suggest you look up in your state social services for autism, read ARC https://www.google.com/search?q=arc+autism+resource+centre&oq=ARC+autism+&aqs=chrome.2.69i57j0l4j0i22i30l5.11920j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8. Right now, my son gets social security but he will need a part time job. He has a monthly budget for expenses, is able to ride the bus for apts and calls himself to make apts...yes, I do help him prior with what to say...I Don't Tell him or give him advice, I do suggest/choices and let him make decisions....hardest thing to do is to let him face life consequences and fall. Because he is low income he qualifies for a cooking certificate where he can be a prep cook anywhere, state licensed certificate. He is also on a list for supported living in an apartment through his cm agency at 600,00 per month, but he has to have a job first. It's Free!! just 6 weeks of classes from 9am to 2;30pm. He will ride the bus in am, I'll pick him up pm as the busses have stopped running. I'm Very Slowly talking about him driving and what is involved...car cost, gas, insurance etc....he is scared of driving...I Won't Be Teaching Him, he'll go to driver ed '''when he is ready'''. or continue using bus.

He is living at home, but he's got to pay for his food, electric, laundry. He cooks his own food, and washes everything. Before he would not take showers, now he has a morning routine which includes getting up taking shower, getting dressed First Thing.

The only rules I have is the computer/electronic rule, and no eating anywhere in the house except porch and kitchen....he even has a separate cabinet and shelf in ref for his food. If he takes food upstairs or anywhere he will loose his computer/electronics for 2 days or pay a fine of 5.00.

I am and working hard to No Be A Helicopter Mom, nor Codependent by controlling any longer. It's so much harder to stop "doing for my son" than make my life easier by giving in and doing things for him....I get your Mom....she's tired and probably doesn't know where to start and is overwhelmed. It's a process of taking Baby Steps towards being independent to keep anxiety and failure low....build up esteem and self reliance... focus on goals, achievements, give choices and talk out consequences....

If I can be of other help please message or write here...Best to you, your brother and Mom :) It's a long road, not easy, but well worth the peace of mind. Your brother has To Want to change, you can't make him so No Demands/Telling etc that will get his back up...my son can be Very Pig Headed and just Refuse. This is the reason he needs to 'think' and 'process' longer to make decisions. His latest achievement is to ride his bike into town and do electronic deposits of his three monthly checks and open a saving account too.

You might also want to look into the laws for Trust Fund Accounts and what your state does if your brother receives medical or financial assistance. I don't know if he is too old or not, but also look into the ABLE Account....for your state....it's a saving account you can put up to 14,000 per year in and it doesn't effect your brothers federal/state benefits.

My son has No Friends except on line. One of his weekly activities is to volunteer at a food pantry helping to bag food, from 10am-n00n, then help to bring carts to cars from 2:30-4:30pm...it's social interaction with out the stress of having to make conversation. He's done So Well!!

Hi.
I am new and has autism. I am High functioning. I live on my own. Does your brother has a case manager? Can you assist in getting him one? I have a case manager from an autism foundation where I live. She helps me a lot. There is autism speak that can help or direct you this is just additional resource

Hey there. Is your only concern whether you have to look out for your brother or not? Because that's what it sounds like. Some autistic people have higher support needs, some don't. And ironically, its the autistics who receive adequate support in a loving environment who are the most satisfied in life, and can let their passions grow.

Hi, If your brother is wasting away, does he have an eating disorder, maybe brought on by low self-esteem issues? SADs and ASers often prefer being alone. It may have set in over time after "life beats him up". I know, I've preferred solitude for the past 40 years, because it makes me calm and happy. If your brother has depression and self-esteem issues, there's professional help. But, in the mean time, try not to focus on what's wrong with him, but what's RIGHT with him. Encourage him everyday to pursue his passions and talents, these bring joy to a person, and a reason to live.