Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
How many people here who have the diagnostic criteria of being aspergers (either self diagnosed or diagnosed or peer diagnosed) have friends?
There are many kinds:
acquaintance nodding, you gear yourself up for the nod to the close proximity people such as mail carrier, certain neighbors, pharmacist, (my space people don't count) I mean real world. and even then you do a nod or awkward wave when you are up to it. that's not 'really' a friend, is it?
Then there are long term friends from childhood, really a phone friend but you don't 'hang out' you phone up once a year, that's comfortable, that's do-able. that's not what i mean.
I also don't mean family.
Then there's online friends. I don't mean them either, although they can be 'close' in a way no one can but this discussion is about something else.
I don't mean the people you are required to see or even have to see because of obligation-this includes church, work, school, etc.
OK so how many people have friends they are so uninhibited with as to just alot time to have actual fun with? Doesn't that sound pleasant?
Alone time is necessary to survival. But I'm curious about the friend thing.
How many even want it.
There are many kinds:
acquaintance nodding, you gear yourself up for the nod to the close proximity people such as mail carrier, certain neighbors, pharmacist, (my space people don't count) I mean real world. and even then you do a nod or awkward wave when you are up to it. that's not 'really' a friend, is it?
Then there are long term friends from childhood, really a phone friend but you don't 'hang out' you phone up once a year, that's comfortable, that's do-able. that's not what i mean.
I also don't mean family.
Then there's online friends. I don't mean them either, although they can be 'close' in a way no one can but this discussion is about something else.
I don't mean the people you are required to see or even have to see because of obligation-this includes church, work, school, etc.
OK so how many people have friends they are so uninhibited with as to just alot time to have actual fun with? Doesn't that sound pleasant?
Alone time is necessary to survival. But I'm curious about the friend thing.
How many even want it.
I'm married. I've got three kids. My husband sometimes doesn't understand me very well, but he usually just lets it go as a "girl thing" which has been kinda tough because I'm not like most of the girls he knows... I've kinda had to prove that to him. I don't think like them. (I say "girls" I'm nearly 30... errr... I don't want to grow up... I'm a Toys R Us Kid... *singing*)
Yeah, ok, so that's how it goes, you know?
Other than these, I have a real problem between spotting the difference between acting friendly and being a friend. A receptionist at a counselling centre in the city always had time to chat - I took this as being friendly and used to drop in to say 'Hi!' even with no appointment pending - possible stalking behaviour to some I guess; I couldn't tell the difference. A counsellor that I saw later, I enjoyed talking so much that I felt I could ask if he wanted to catch up for a meal - his job was to be friendly, not to be a friend.
Something in my mindset says "acts friendly, must want to be a friend!", somewhere along the lines of a six year-old at play, a game in a sand box, shared fun moment means "hey, do you want to be my new best friend?" and that lasts as long as the game does. Not the heavy-duty, blood brother stuff of the movies but just as relevant and important to the six year-olds.
Am I out on a limb here? anyone else confused?
Cheers
Oz
I know exactly what you mean. You can chat their ear off, in the circumstance where they are "forced" to see you, yet really outside of that, they would rather you leave them alone.
That's how most of the people I went to church with were. (old church, new church is better) At the new church I go to now, they're a bit more willing to step outside their own boxes and try to understand me. I haven't really said anything about me having Aspergers as much as I have my son, but I think mentioning that I know where he gets it kinda clues them in a bit?
You realize "if only" that certain someone mentality comes into my life doesn't change your whole life. Its what YOU do with your life that matters.
And friends, well its great to have genuine ones. Its work though. And then its like having the new puppy, and you realize OH the upkeep of that, (new friend) I know its worth it. But...
What stops me from even having more people in the circle is its all or nothing. I will do the work involved and that's taxing.
Because I'm loyal and I care.I 'think' I can see through 'fluff', the chatter people do at gatherings. I was not so good at it in my 20s.
Can you clarify on the dumbing down, I am a bit impaired sometimes on meaning and didn't understand that part of you statement.?
I don't have AS, but I would like to answer anyway.
I don't have any friends based on your criteria because everyone I hang out with are family or people met through work or various groups.
I asked my husband, who does have AS, how many friends he has and he replied "too many".