Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
First, I don't think that it was fair that he did not tell me he was an aspie because he is 56 and has been through a number of relationships. Then when he had verbally abusive meltdowns for hours on end, I told him that he was being a bully, abusing me verbally, and I would not tolerate or accept this from him. As time went on, I noticed that there were some physical symptoms pointing to Asperger's, which I really knew nothing about but researched the symptoms on the net. I am also a very complicated person due to many issues, including mild OCD and being a survivor. I think that he is definiterly triggered by many instances: being tired, feeling he did not get what he wanted out of something, not allowing me to disagree with something he said, and the list goes on. I am not helping things because as soon as anyone starts to yell at me, I get triggered and then the insanity begins and even if I want to stop the stupid argument, he pursues it with great anger and intimidating insults. I dhave a room with good locks on the door that I go to and turn the radio up to block out the assault. This pisses him off further but he is 6' 4" and he frightens me in more than one way (I am afraid of him during rants and also I want to hit him for the nasty insults that he throws at me). His anger is WAY out of control and my reaction to it is to scream at him to shut up and then find refuge from the storm is an angry defensive trigger. It may take days for this to blow over or even be talked about. He always says that he won't do it again and we both know that he certainlhy will do it again. I have asked him to go to a counsellor for help with this. If he makes this step to help himself I will join in if asked to by the counsellor. He has some great qualities but I don't know if I am up to the task of trying to be his partner in life. I asked if we could just work on being friends for now and he clearly stated that he wants the whole enchalada (marriage et al). I tread on eggshells, I hate how he blames me for his anger and ranting (I'm not blameless as to some triggers but not responsible for his lengthy, angry, insulting rants). Any helpful feedback would be so appreciated.
I wish the best for all.
A.
I think I would have been in a better position to understand things if he had told me upfront what condition he had!!! Also, when I ask for some insight, he is not willing to talk about it. I was upfront with him about my disabilities and difficulties in life. I am open and willing to talk about mine or his.
It is not easy to fault a person for their disability and I am not without my own disabilities but when he gives lip-service to the idea of getting counselling and then does nothing but whine and find excuses about why it is impossible for him to fit that into his life?
I agree, time to go.