Asperger Syndrome Support Group

Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.

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asking permission for everything

gettingitstraight
gettingitstraight
my daughter never asked for anything when this whole process started, now she asks permission for everything, can i go to the bathroom can i have a drink dad can i eat something. she is high function and capable of doing all of these things herself. i love her to death but its getting annoying, dad can i change the channel, and no matter how many times we tell her she does not have to ask, she asks anyway. she is 12 is this a phase aspies go through??
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
I didn't.
deleted_user
deleted_user
@Gettingitstraight - What your daughter is experiencing could be OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), which is a byproduct of AS. It's manifests as an uncontrollable urge to do something repeatedly (in your daughter's case, the need to ask all the time). As annoying as it can be, try to be patient, and understand that she's not doing it to purposely annoy you...she cannot help it. Perhaps you could help her develop some level of awareness on the matter. Try sitting her down and asking her if she's aware of her frequent tendencies to "ask" for things that she doesn't need permission to do or have..you may find that she isn't aware of it at all. You can help her to try to modify (but not likely to completely eliminate) this tendency by providing a visual aid that she can touch or tug on to remind her of what she is doing whenever the urge to "ask compulsively" strikes her. Try getting her a beaded bracelet with an elastic band (you can find these almost anywhere in a mall where girly stuff is sold), and instruct her to shift a bead on her bracelet every time she feels the urge to ask for things compulsively, and check in with her at the end of the day to see how things went (how many times she needed to shift beads) to increase her own awareness. Once she becomes good at that, perhaps you could have her try to count how many times a day (or per hour) she feels that urge and acts on it, and reward her for her awareness efforts and challenge her to try to decrease the frequency of those episodes by one every hour and reward her efforts (this incentive will give her something to strive for and make her feel good for being able to exercise some self control - even if she reduces the frequency of asking by 1). Encourage her to keep working at it, and reassure her on those days things don't go as well, as she'll become more confident (which in itself could help reduce the frequency of OCD behavior because it can be brought on by anxiety or stress).

Best of luck to you, and God Bless your family (BTW - I'm a 41 year old Aspie, and if I could've asked my dad how he could help me, I'd recommend that he at least try to do what I've suggested to you).

Be well!

Trinity
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sometimes people with Asperger's want assurance. This habit might be a way to seek assurance. When you talk with her about this habit, you could consider this possibility.
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