Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hi all -- new here. I have been suffering from bouts of very bad work anxiety for the last 20 years .. my whole career. Sometimes I'm basically ok for years at a time, but since January, I've have several bad bouts, including the one I have been suffering with for the past 2.5 weeks.
Most of my anxiety comes from the fear of mistakes in the work my team does. I am responsible for about 40 people who write finance software and sometimes there are bugs, and bugs can be off my billions of dollars sometimes (very rare). My mind always goes to the worst possible outcome -- anxious fictions. I'm so afraid all the time -- afraid someone will yell at me, afraid that I will have to spend a week trying to figure out what went wrong in code and how to fix it, afraid not just of losing my job, but having to clean things up BEFORE getting fired. It's odd -- the fear of having to suffer through a week or more of broken glass difficult discussions is worse to me then being fired. It's like pulling the band-aid off slowly -- hate it! I have these thoughts of "I can't handle this .. it would kill me". Classic.
I think my anxiety disorder got worse after an incident several years ago where there WAS a mistake, the company using the software was mad, the leadership I work for was mad, and I DID have to spend ~ 7 days figuring it out with a gun to my head. It was awful, and I feel like I have PTSD from it.
I see a therapist every 2 weeks, which does help I think, and I also take Hydroxyzine (20mg) which helps a ton, but I'm afraid to use it too often. I also started a personal journal based on what I read on this site (only 1 day in, but...)
When it's bad, I just don't feel like I can go on. I think about crazy outs like getting hit by a bus or getting COVID-19 so that I wouldn't be able to be bothered by work.
I've thought about leaving (been there almost 20 years) and find something less stressful, like maybe being a real estate agent or home inspector, but I have worries about that as well (health insurance, salary, etc).
I'm glad I found this group and I hope I can help someone else here. I also think writing this out helps me. Any thoughts that can help me?
Sorry for the long post!
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
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"don't be a hate hole" has been one of my recent mantras which seems to be escaping my mouth more and more often. it emerges when i am faced with the endless list of chores i would rather not deal with. insurance. head lice. bureaucracy. in-laws. the list goes on and on and on and on, ad infinitum.reality checks requested. am i making sense?"ever'thin they is but loving leaves a rust on your...
Your post is very easy to read, and gives insight as to how you are working through your thoughts.
Keeping a private journal daily will help you work through the emotions, feelings, and thoughts associated with the event that is overloading your mind.
Take time to do a relaxing activity to give your brain a chance to switch the "off" with thinking about this event.
You're on the right track to find your better balance. Best wishes!
I struggle with relaxing. I have very few friends, few hobbies, and work nonstop. Terrible work life balance.
My wife tries to help me, she is amazing, but this is too much to put on her.
It's really, really hard to find a way to relax away from work without finding what "relaxes" you in the work.
I hope you find your resting balance.
BTW If you find yourself in crisis and don't have anyone to confide in to help you. Please call 911 or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 there is also a Text Crisis Line at 741741 just text HELP to that number and a professional will text you right back. Remember you are special, God doesn't make junk. Prayers my friend.