This is tough, maybe though there are coping tools that are out there? Have you sought therapy? Therapist can help you learn to contextualize things. That being said work does inspire anxiety in me too. I’ve chosen to deal with it by viewing the job as a sport and so the anxiety helps me be athletically active and part of my expectations.
Maybe also you are too hard on yourself? We all make mistakes from time to time.
Maybe allow yourself that latitude and kindness. Sure we don’t want to make mistakes intentionally
But just some days are good days and some we kind of wish had gone better. I’m really impressed with you keeping a job for a decade!! Well done!! You must be doing a good job overall (an excellent job at that) since you’ve kept your job for so long!!!

Perhaps having a proper assessment with a psychiatrist could provide guidance and direction for you. The depression, insomnia, and anxiety might be symptoms of something else that medication and therapy could help. It sounds very tough for you right now and I hope you can find answers. Hugs!

I had terrible work anxiety with the very same symptoms of insomnia and more. While in therapy I finally found a depression and anxiety medication that helped me better manage my days. I wish I would have looked for help much sooner than I did. Remember that there indeed is help and better days ahead. ~Hugs

This makes me so sad for you. I was in this position once about 10 years ago. I had a job I hated that gave me so much stress and anxiety and I couldn't take it. I ended up quitting to take a job that paid way less. In the end, I ended up on disability and taking a couple year off work. Now I have been working part time for a whole year and I love my job. I hope there are other options for you too. I will pray for you :)

in my own long and winding road, it's all temporary. what fixed my 20 year old pains doesn't seem to work so well for my 69 year old pains, but it seems to me that is the natural order. what works in april is likely to be ineffective in august.

the tighter my current trap, the more i seem to benefit from exploring escape options. they often lead me to small changes i can facilitate to make the current trap more comfy.

small steps, big faith and lots of prayer. let god lead the dance.

Is the career or the specific job. Are there other types of jobs with your industry or are there skills and experience that translate into a different job or industry?

I’ve been working in the same general industry for decades but have had different roles throughout my career within the industry.

And yeah I feel like what made sense initially may not work anymore. It has sure has happened to me as well.

Thank you for the replies. I am a catastrphizer and I have been my whole life. I try to tell myself that I’m human and we make mistakes. Unfortunately the cost of my mistakes could be catastrophic so that is the problem. I will try to push through for the next years so I can get my debts paid down then rmb I will be trying to change to another role in my industry even though it pays less but that will also have some anxiety initially too as I learn the ropes.
Sunkenships can I ask what meds worked for you. I find all the therapists I have do talk therapy and that mostly is a venting session but not much more than that. I need to find another though but my work schedule makes it tough and CoVID made it hard to find an available one that my insurance would cover.

Thanks Arfie, maybe a therapist can help me brainstorm some baby steps to help get me through. I definitely can’t make big changes at this point. I am taking small vacations in August to give me some relief.

You have to see you family doctor or a psychiatrist to get medication.
Maybe start reading self help book on anxiety in addition to therapy.

Sorry, if I missed it but what is your career? I so hope you can find a job that makes you happy.

bringing it up with your therapist hits my measure as a splendid baby step, all by its lonesome. in my own recovery, the small steps are far, far more manageable than the tall, sweeping reforms. taking time to congratulate myself for those itsy, bitsy baby steps goes a long way toward making the next itsy, bitsy step more productive.

keep on stepping.

"it doesn't matter how fast you go. it matters only that you keep going." ~hasidic proverb.

I am also in a type of job where a mistake could potentially be catastrophic. That being said, I love my job regardless of the stress and, thank goodness, I have not yet made any horrific mistakes. But I too ruminate on possible mistakes I have made for days on end. It drives me crazy with anxiety. My husband once told me, take a break. Just for two minutes. Take a 2 minute break from your anxiety and tell it you will be right back to torment yourself again. You just need a quick break. And for some reason that has helped me. I sit in my anxiety and turn in circles and almost die of constant panic. But then I take a break for exactly 2 minutes. I even set a timer. Two minutes where I deal or think about something else, knowing I will return after those two minutes. And every once in a while I take a 2 minute break. It sounds weird but it kind of helps to see your anxiety as a separate thing you can put down and pick up again.

Thanks sewpercee. I try something similar when I’m at work but sometimes it is strong. I can feel the anxiety like it’s sitting in my chest and stomach. Like when something just jumped out at you in a scary movie. It is there worst at night and the ruminating.. Sometimes I ruminate on my whole day looking for mistakes or not believing in myself like maybe I missed something. It’s exhausting. I usually come on here to try to calm that hence why I’m here right now. I have tomorrow off so I will be napping to try and make up for my anxiety keeping me up at night.
This post did get me motivated to try and find a new therapist as I’ve been out of therapy for a few months. My work schedule is limiting for that but I found one to try.