Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Again, seemingly well-functioning woman for 65 years, plummeted into deep depression and anxiety in connection with home purchase.
1. Psychiatrist We met with psychiatrist Wed. She went easily (good), seemed animated when they spoke of medical issues, he recommended Rexulti, a new drug/variant and after appt ended, she said, I'm not taking this, it's the one on TV, I don't like it. Symptoms increased next day highlighting the need for medication. Now we have some evidence of hallucinations and paranoia which occurs during high stress and periods of continued anxiety.
2. Friends Wife had hair done Tuesday, finally, and her friend had about 10 people over Wednesday, and they interacted well, could see my wife smiling, and she seemingly had a very nice night. Night day Thursday, it's anxious Jenny back with a vengeance. Today Sat. I tried to give her the Rexulti and she threw it and I asked, okay, what's your solution. She says nothing will work, and I replied, fine, so you will stay with horrible anxiety and depression, making yourself and me miserable along with your children, no that's not what I want she said, no, no, and I said yes, yes, anxiety Jenny is running this, she does not want you to get well so she makes sure you don't take medication, don't do CBT, limit exercise, and stay in bed, she's running the show and can't be happier that I'm miserable, let's at least be honest with ourselves.
3. Next day Somehow when she has a good day, a bad one follows and she becomes even more clingy, but the last thing I really want is to spend the day with her, and would love to just get some alone time.
Sorry for unloading, but's its difficult when she seems to make progress and then steps back, and when the solutions are medication and CBT, does not engage in either, and my family members and friends are consistently telling me, YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE SHE'S ON THE MEDICATION AND PHYSICALLY CHECK THAT SHE'S TAKING IT, and when I try she tells me it won't work.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
It’s really unfair your family and friends are putting so much pressure on you to manage her. I think it’s ok to tell them to back off, or ignore their demands. Obviously it comes from a place of concern but they clearly are not understanding you can’t make some one take medication. You can’t make them do anything. If she were deemed incompetent, maybe but seriously, these people aren’t living in reality,
1.. Hallucinations When she gets super-stressed over a period of days, it unfortunately morphs into hallucinations. Staying with a friend, she now asks who are those people, they're watching me. In the beach home where we stayed with many cars, that was more of a problem. Told the psych, I thought we had it licked and then it popped up again. She has been prescribed anti-psychotic drugs.
2. Family Appreciate the support here, and it can become hard, I would rather family and friends engage with her than direct orders. We're staying with her friend, when she and her disabled husband stayed with us, it was our house is your house, do what you want and we planned activities for the four of us, but here, there are multiple rules, periodic rebukes, and sometimes we get directives rather than help. Her friend is nice don't get me wrong, is frustrated and has helped, but as this group suggests, tell her, don't tell me.
It's frustrating to know the pattern (and I would assume that it's a cycle that repeats after a certain amount of time). You need a break from being 'directed/ordered/prodded'.
Best wishes to finding a better balance.
This is a tricky situation for you to be in. The spouse of someone with anxiety. There could be some good articles online, or some books, too.
Everyone is different, but if your wife is a stubborn type of person naturally, she might not like someone "making her" take this medication or that medication. I wouldn't want someone telling me to take a new medicine, either. I think all you can do is set the bottle of Rexulti by her bed, or by her breakfast in the kitchen, and just leave the bottle out, as a "reminder". Have it in plain sight. Obviously, we can't make someone take any medication they are not willing to take.
Gently encourage, try to remain calm, and not blow up at her (don't get angry).
Anxiety is about feeling a loss of control.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It must be so difficult for you. I don't even pretend to know what it's like to be on the other end of someone who has anxiety. I am the one with the anxiety, and I don't know how my significant other puts up with me, lol!
Right now, my son is scheduled to talk to her with three basic alternatives: 1) try the Rexulty, 2) go back to Ambilify or another prior drug, 3) get a new psychiatrist or program. But no one suggests that the status quo is all right, and I'm sure her friends will chime in also. My wife has significant autonomy, she could suggest what she wants, but can't go on with hallucinations. As you all noted, the best course is for them to talk to her, directly rather than tell me.
I do feel bad for her because in all of the years, she was very tolerant of other people's mistakes or problems, but sometimes they don't seem equally tolerant of hers.
I am asking because 1) Maybe you two need a new, second opinion. And 2) Are you in the session with her, so that you can "fill in the blanks" (tell the doctor what is REALLY going on)?
Thank you for trying. Keep up with your self-care.
1. Psychiatrist's understanding This is the same psych who has been treating her, I was present and he understands what's going on. He is quite patient, but its obviously difficult to proceed this way- the patient does not take medication as recommended, and the doctor is supposed to continue, or adjust without basic material about whether the drug is working. He gently suggested that she should follow the plan, but is accomodating the noncompliance. (made one comment about whether she considered a psych nearer to her, I think reflecting some frustration) He took a little more time than allocated but at the end, my wife told me she did not want Rexulty.
2. Other involvement My son handles things very well in a corporate context, indeed my wife was skilled dealing with different personalities in a supervisory role at a hospital. I've explained the problem, and he will discuss this with her.
but that is me. . .
gentle support while you get helpless little wifey with the program of your choosing. hubby knows best.
In terms of medication, I've suggested serious implementation of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) which has had some success. Likewise, friends have discussed taking a walk each day. Friends and family are probably a little more pro-medication than me, but I'm convinced that at least short term, medicine should be a part of a plan.
It is frustrating to see someone in crisis doing what seems to be the wrong things to get better. If someone is an alcoholic, what do you say if he comes home drunk at 3 A.M, if someone a man is having marital problems, continuing an affair is probably not productive. If multiple people thought you needed help Arfie, one doubts hubby said anything, they probably independently reached their own views, perhaps to differing degrees.
I don't want her in a "program of my choosing," months ago a counselor suggested she investigate and select a psychiatrist but that went nowhere because she didn't do it. I would support her in a program which seemed to help just as I would support my children in a job or profession they liked.
She is unhappy and says she wants her old self back.