Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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Why as a mommy im feeling guilty

sweetgirl18
sweetgirl18

Ok as Monday was my husband's birthday and back at the end of August was mine. So we both agreed we wouldn't do anything big for eachothers birthday. We would keep it small where I cooked him up a nice steak dinner with asparagus and nice baked potato and along a couple of his favorite beers since he not a sweet tooth person I made a nice apple crisp cake where I know he'd love and a couple of small presents from the kids. He did the same for me back in August but except he got me sushi since I don't eat red meat and I baked my own cake pretending he did because my daughter can't have gluten and most bakeries have gluten.


We decided samething as Christmas nothing big for eachother. Because we decided we needed to get away alone for 9 days so we're going to be in Aruba for that time in January the from the week of the 9th. We got all inclusive adult resort and yes mommy's and daddy's need there time but I know I'll be missing my kids and like my dad told me we do do alot for these kids and how they have it made compared to alot of other kids and its after when my daughters Xmas break is over with.my children are a true blessing to me I could never picture what my life would be with out him.


Me and my husband have his sister's kids for a week. We made a deal so his sister and her wife could get away for a week alone for a romantic week and they would watch our children for the time in January.


I just feel like I'm abandoning our children when they'll be in good hands like our nephews are now and our daughter what has stomach issues where she has to be careful what she eats and she gets anxiety but his sister and her wife are good with her.


Are there any other parents out there when they have gone away with out there children they felt like they were abandoning them and would get anxiety but knew they were in good hands? Me and my husband went to Bahamas for 10 day back in 2019 a year before our son was born I went thru this but my daughter was fine and had a blast with my sister Katie for half and with my husband's sister for the other half.

mtd
mtd
Of course most parents feel somewhat guilty. I felt the same way when my kids were little. Here’s something to think about: kids do need time away from parents to learn how to cope without them. The smaller they are, the better. They will adapt faster because they have not yet learned how to be afraid. As kids get older and they have adjusted to staying with family for a few days here and there it prepares them for adolescence and then for adulthood in the bigger view.
It’s fortunate you have a caring family that you can trust to take care of their well being while you are away. So, feel guilty for ten minutes, then try to look at the situation from the perspective that this is a good experience for both you and the kids. You are comfortable about where they will be, go and have fun, and know your anxiety is normal.
sweetgirl18
sweetgirl18
I agree they seem to do well with out me but it's me who struggles.

Me and my sister Katie 1 Saturday from noon until noon Sunday. I took her boys this past Sat this coming she will take my son and daughter. I love her boys and they love me and its her with my kids. When I drop them at her house I bring lunch and change my son so she don't have to for a while.then when I pick them up she has lunch.this Saturday my Megan will be with my husband's dad with her the only girl in the family she's known as a grandpa's girl where she could do no wrong.

It's good for the kids to interact with there cousins and I find it helps them learn how to act in other people's houses and learn people have different rules to abide by there for they learn not all is the same. My daughter only misbehaved around my sister once but we both can speak fluent in Swedish and when ever she hears swedish she knows something is up.
mtd
mtd
You are allowing them to learn that they can be ok without you around every minute. This builds self confidence in children and helps them adjust to other situations without the need of mommy always being there. Confidence is a crucial part of any child’s mental well being. Kids need other kids to learn how to be social, as well as giving, compassionate, etc. Sounds like you are on the right track. Allow yourself to accept your guilt, but recognize you are doing nothing wrong. You know you love your kids and give yourself credit for being a good mom. It really is ok, you just can’t see past your own feelings right now, and sometimes those feelings aren’t really helpful to us. Life is a one time trip, to waste time on unnecessary guilt dampens the joy of life.
arfie
arfie
Don't accuse me of experting, but methinks such guilt feelings are a standard part of parenting. However much we give of ourselves, it always feels like we're missing and/or abusing something important. I am feeling it as strongly in my second parenting career as I felt it in my first go round. The only parents I have known up close and personal who haven't experienced this guilt are rather narcissistic in their approach to life, in general. For most of us, guilt management is a necessary parenting tool.

In my strictly personal management of this psycho tick, I found my solutions in "Letting Go and Letting God." I don't **get** to always know what is best or how today's decisions will affect the future.

It really does take a village to raise a child. Embrace your village and allow your children to do likewise. Enjoy your vacation. Keep guilt management tools handy to minimize the guilt phenom.
Community LeaderMid
Mid
Go. Leave your children to enjoy life as individuals - to make choices on their own - they become more independent and better able to handle themselves.

Sharing them with others is a wonderful way to build connections through generations.
guitarman79
guitarman79
My mother is the same way, She worries alot. But, I'm the youngest of 4, so, I guess it's natural to want to worry, Everyone need's time apart from one another though, parent's need to let go sometime in life. sound's like your kid's will be in good hand's.
sweetgirl18
sweetgirl18
Guitar man mothers never stop worrying no matter how old there children get.my dad is 65 and my nana always worrying about him at his age.

Yes parents do need to let go. I even realize I'm really clingy to my own kids because I love them so much there my world. Yet as I have a husband and me and him even need our time to be a couple go out do things with eachother.like my daddy tells me it was hard for him when I left at 21 to move into a place with my husband but there are chapters in life that happen to be 1 of them but we have always had family get together and he enjoys the grandkids and even know it's along time for. Now I'm sure I'll enjoy being a nana.
mtd
mtd
The hardest part about raising kids is to be wise about raising them. If we never let them learn for themselves and instead protect them from every little thing, how do they learn to take care of themselves when they get older? I remember the old saying about the kid being told the iron was hot, don’t touch it. But the kid touched it anyway and got burned. The moral of the story is that kids sometime have to learn things all on their own, they have to test the water so to speak. And sometimes they get burned in the process. These are life lessons kids have to learn to stand on their own. And the wisdom part is knowing when to let it happen for their own good. It is letting kids make mistakes and learning from them, keeping them from making mistakes doesn’t allow them to learn that there are consequences to their actions. Our job is to be there to guide our kids and offer advice but we cannot keep them from experiencing life, if we do, we aren’t letting them learn anything. To truly love our kids, we have to allow them the space to make mistakes and learn from them, regardless of how much we want to protect them.
sweetgirl18
sweetgirl18
My daughter learned the from the hair straighter and when we were away in a cabin she burnt her self on the Woodstove. My son learned why you don't bite people he bit his sister her reaction she bit him back and he didn't like it.
Singlemami
Singlemami
You're just having a little separation anxiety, as a parent it's normal. It gets easier over time, as they get older. I used to cry after dropping mine off to daycare in the morning when he'd cry for me. It's heartbreaking, but it gets easier.
Candygurl
Candygurl
They will have a blast. It will be harder on you than on them. Just have fun and trust your relatives.
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