I was talking to a friend earlier today that doesn't have anxiety. He asked me what it's like to live with anxiety and it took me a while to be able to put it into words...I told him "imagine being afraid to leave your house because you're afraid of being looked at by any stranger, or worrying about every possible scenario that could lead to public humiliation. and that's just the tip of the iceberg. we all have our different triggers to what makes us anxious but being out in public is definitely my biggest trigger.
I then diverted the conversation and asked him, "do you ever get anxious?" and he said "I mean yeah, I get sweaty and my heart races when I'm nervous". I then told him that when I'm anxious, I can't breath. It feels like an elephant sitting on my chest and being paralyzed with fear to the point that I can't move. His eyes grew wide and he told me he had never experience that feeling ever before.
I kept thinking to myself, "I wonder what that's like?" To not have that constant elephant sitting on you and making it difficult to get the smallest breath out. To not have the constant fear and paranoia. To be able to function normally and not live in fear.
I have really bad social anxiety, it can get to the point where I can't even text people out of worry that I might be bothering them. In most situations when I do text it can take me 20 minutes to write out one sentence. Physical interaction can be worse. There are times where I feel like I am invisible because it seems like no one hears what I have to say or even acts like I started talking. The...
Is there such a thing? If so, I think I am in the midst of an episode and looking for my way out.Prologue: Please no writer advice. I am not, nor do I wish To Be A Writer. I only write and I LOVE my privacy, with a psychotheraputed eye on the fuzzy line between privacy and isolation. An early speech defect made it so that I could write well long before I could hold a conversation. I have been...