Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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Erica71 08/01/2012

I need to know if I am being unreasonable. I post this here because it very much gets my anxiety going. My son is 17.....he was a late bloomer, socially and whatnot. In the past 6 months he's really spread his wings and developed a bit of a social circle. That's all well and good...here's the problem. He still has his whole senior year to go and isn't 18 yet. He has started this thing where he will just leave and he feels he doesn't need to tell anybody where he's going. Me and my husband are in our 40's and we always tell each other where we're going....I don't know why teenagers don't realize that it is just a respect thing....and a common courtesy....and that it's not some boundary that we have for them to keep them from being independent. It's just a nice thing to let people know where you're at. Also...he'll leave out without a fully charged phone that eventually dies....then I can't get a hold of him. He gets mad at me when I track him down via his friends....but when it's 1:00 in the morning and his phone is dead and he hasn't bothered to contact me..then I have no choice. Am I being unreasonable...do I just need to chill....is this just yet another way my anxiety is creeping in??? I tend to think everything is just my anxiety....but I'm not so sure about this one. He knows how I worry and for the life of me I can't understand why he would not at least borrow a friends phone to let me know where he's at. To me it's a huge slap in the face ....I don't appreciate it at all. I did finally get contact with him about 1:00 this morning...but I don't think he would have ever made any effort to contact me.....and I would have been up worrying all night. I feel very disrespected right now. Any advice???

Pollybizz 08/01/2012

I don't find you unreasonable at all. Those were my rules when the girls were growing up..(and then we didn't have cell phones). Always told them I wasn't checking up...just that I couldn't sleep till they were in, so wanted that to be a reasonable hour and I wanted a place to reach them for an emergency.

There was an emergency once, and they were glad I knew where to find them.

Tell him just the same common courtesy that he would like.

Erica71 08/01/2012

Thanks Pollybizz. =)

deleted_user 08/01/2012

No you are not being unreasonable. If they could only understand its because we love them. He needs to have rules and boundries.

Erica71 08/01/2012

Thank you Kelly...it just feels good to get stuff like that out every once in awhile and get a little feedback to see that you're not nuts...and thanks again Pollybizz. =)

deleted_user 08/01/2012

i have a 17 yo too.it's like our sons are the same person...my son doesn't call me mother any-more, he calls me smother...i don't care .i realize we have to let them grow and learn but i'm with you in that as parents we still require respect and curtisy...so i always let my son know when he is stepping over the line, but he would already know it's just we are the last thing they are thinking of when out with their mates.ps my son needs 120 hours of driving practice before he can get his licence it's a great tool to keep him in line .hehe

Lanaleo15 08/01/2012

You are so not unreasonable. I was lucky to be let out of the house in high school, my dad kept me on a ball and chain. Your boy is taking advantage. Maybe its time to sit him down and let him know he cant be doing this unless he's living on his own, living on his own he can come and go as he pleases but not under your roof. Let him know that time will come also as he is older to have fun and party. But he really needs to get through school first. I'm not a parent, but if my kid did this to me. I'd lock them out, take away their cell phone, car keys, and say your grounded for a month for disrepecting.

MsBlank1 08/01/2012

What are his consequences for not contacting you while he is out?
What he is doing is not only disrespectful it is inconsiderate as well.
Have a talk with him and lay down some firm rules and the consequences as well as how it makes you feel. Can you take away a privlidge should he "forget" again?
You and your hubby need to stand together on the rules and consequences and do make good on them. As you probablly already know, empty threats won't work. Good luck

sugar09 08/02/2012

I'm not a parent, but I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You have every right to know where he is, in case of an emergency. It seems like some teenagers do not understand what it means to communicate and at least respect the fact that you worry. It is only because you are concerned about his safety, and he should show some responsibility at his age.

Erica71 08/02/2012

Thanks for the replies everyone. He's a great young man.......this is kind of a first rodeo for all of us...meaning for him and for me and his dad....because it's like all of a sudden....he's just wanting to fly. He's not intentionally disrespectful at all...we just have to get all these rules and expectations panned out. I was a little ill when I wrote the original post to this and probably made it sound much worse than it actually is. He's been talked to and me and his dad are on the same page. Thanks again for all the replies. =)

deleted_user 08/02/2012

I feel like I just read one of my own stories! You are so not alone:-)

I have an 18 year old and a 22 year old. They are better about it now but we have had our battles over this topic. They both still live at home. My 22 year does not feel he needs to tell us where he is going but he will text me when I am looking for him.

It is super hard for me (less for my husband) because I do have anxiety and my mind always jumps to "the scary scenarios".

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Erica71 08/02/2012

Thanks Kacc....I do wish my mind wouldn't always go straight to the worst....but it always does.. :\ and it's just common courtesy for any of us to let someone know where we are and when we'll be back...it's not putting a thumb on someone it's just caring.

deleted_user 08/02/2012

You're not being unreasonable. You're being a responsible parent. You know it's funny how a teens mind works OR in some cases doesn't work. Maybe you and his father should disappear without telling him where you're going and not respond to calls or texts to your cell phones. My oldest used to get mad at me for buying generic brands of things when I could. Funny, now that she's out on her own and paying for stuff with HER money, she's now buying generic. Sometimes they have to experience it for themselves before they truly understand your position.

deleted_user 08/02/2012

Hi there, I am 36 and live with my mother again. We tell each other when we are leaving and give each other an approximate length of time we will be gone or roughly when we will be home. It is just a courteous thing to do.
It sounds like your son is stretching his wings and pushing boundaries. Stay strong and this too shall pass.

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