Hello, Kikio!

It is great that you are doing the work to move toward making yourself more comfortable in social situations. I had a tough tough time dealing with social anxiety and performance anxiety as a young person, and had to deal with a passion for playing instrumental music which also came with great discomfort with also having a tremor disorder which made all my efforts to play difficult, awkward, and seen by many people as nervousness or fear.

Over years of practice and performance with groups and as a soloist I don't have a full cure for the neurological aspects of the tremor disorder though I manage my life more comfortably for self-care tasks with now low-dose medication, and with so much successful and satisfying practice and performances I rarely feel nervous about those public appearances playing classical and Baroque and "popular" music. The great thing you are doing for yourself is your own form of practice which over time prepares your brain to go into situations with expectations for pleasure and positive excitement rather than fear.

Something harder to get a general handle on in highly unstructured situations like trying to interact with people on a bus, or shopping in a grocery, or waiting for an appointment, or passing in a park is that many people have concerns about safety in talking at length with strangers who appear to be inviting a conversation, or may simply be busy and not expecting to engage in a conversation. Some people may assume that the proper/expected response to a polite "How are you," or "How is your day going," or "How is your week going?" may just be a quick one or two word response rather than a full conversation.

Sometimes people are less guarded or more ready for a conversation if the setting is one where you and they are in the same event or activity (which may in part have some structure) so it is easier to connect to each other with a shared bit of interest.

So keep doing what you're doing, and think of some open-ended questions (or look that up on-line for ideas of what you might ask an acquaintance or a stranger), and consider a structured group like a class or structured activity you have some interest in (maybe a tour group, a volunteer activity, a car show, hiking group ...), and be really patient with yourself and others as you meet a variety of people and they get the pleasure of getting to know you too. There are even groups which get together to work on social comfort and greater ease in social sharing like Toastmasters (who work in part on formal speaking), or other groups depending on where you live.

Courage! You can do this, but this is sort of a skill that builds over time, and most of us have to do exactly what you are doing---be a careful observer, and learn what works best for you.

You are doing this right, and this is a complex skill.

hello again kikio. welcome back.

i'll second ouilliam's assertion that social skills are a complex skill set, and this includes reading body language. i still consider myself a natural talent at reading body language, but that talent was more curse than blessing back when i was sure my natural talent was complete and all-knowing. even the greatest of natural talents are in need of nurturing and training. i misread entirely too many cues, especially while my social anxiety was whelming. my social anxiety is the meanest liar inside my own skin and i confuse myself when i give it the power to run the show.

focusing on the spots where i am doing wrong is not the best way to nurture a talent. yes, they need to be addressed, but not glorified. those spots are just opportunities to learn.

People are vulnerable too!
If they change their position maybe they’re nervous too?

Hii, I have social anxiety too. I think you’re doing great saying hello and asking people how they are. It will get easier the more you do it
Most people don’t really answer how they truly are and will just say fine thanks. It’s more socially expected than a real answer. So I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong maybe switch the how are you with a quick mention of the weather some other friendly thing or a hi. How’s it going have a great day.
I like to imagine everyone is having some anxiety along with me than I’m not as offended or Suprised by their responses and after all probably half of them are also socially anxious
I also think I’m an expert at reading body language lol but here’s the problem with being an anxious expert We will overthink the encounter and pick it apart looking for clues they didn’t accept us or like us. If we have low self- esteem we will possibly be sure they didn’t like us. But chances are they did like us and just had a lot on their minds or were anxious too.
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong and good job for being brave! And putting yourself out there!

Kikio,

Your not doing anything wrong, I have the same problem, So I just gave up trying to be social.

If people want to talk, they strike up the conversation. I just keep to myself when I'm at a bar or restaurant.

My social anxiety is so bad, one time I was with my cousins, we walked into a bar, a girl I knew from a college I worked at recconized me, it was like I knew the face but didn't know her name, So I sat down next to her and started talking to her (which normally don't do) I wanted to buy her a beer But didn't have cash
I felt so bad.....And when she said, she was there every Saturday night, I felt even worse, I am not able to drive, and really don't get out much this was before rideshare.

I've kept to myself the past several years, not making any attempts to talk to or engage at all since before covid 2019.
I've just very recently started trying again...

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing social anxiety and feeling discouraged in your attempts to be more social. It's important to remember that social interactions can be complex, and people's responses may only sometimes reflect their true interests. The individuals you approached were likely preoccupied or not in the mood to engage in conversation.
Instead of focusing on what you might be doing wrong, try reframing your perspective. Remember that social anxiety can sometimes lead to misinterpreting social cues. It's important to challenge negative assumptions and give yourself some grace. Building social connections takes time and practice.
I would encourage you to check out this resource on social anxiety disorder
( https://yourmentalhealthpal.com/understanding-social-anxiety-disorder/ ). It provides valuable information and strategies to help you navigate social situations more effectively. Remember, it's okay to take things at your own pace and seek support from a therapist or support group who can guide your needs.

I'll check out that link right now.
Thanks.

I just started therapy, just intake stuff so far. I was so scared I sobed thru the whole thing. She probably thinks Im crazy.

Talked about something called CBT, sounds scary.

Talk therapy is hard for me cause I struggle even trying to talk to my therapist and she seems really nice. She even let me write some answers down on paper rather than speak.