Hey there!

I hear you - and it seems you do what I like to do which is feeling anxious about feeling anxious (lol). Sounds silly, but its very common and many people can relate to what you're going through.

Have you tried meditation? I find doing this daily (check out Head Space videos on YouTube or even their website, they have a free program you can download) really helps me to clear my thoughts and bring me back down.

To alleviate concerns, maybe it would help to talk to your family whom you're visiting and explain how you feel. Being open about it may bring you relief because maybe then they can help you adjust and feel more comfortable...

Most importantly (though its easier said than done, I know) - remember that this is a fun trip! You and your kids get some vacation time together with family - that's something to look forward to :) Try positive thinking and applying that to your situation. So while you may be away from home, you can say "I am going on vacation with my children and visiting family. This is a joyous time, we have lots to be excited for and it will be great!"

Sending positive thoughts your way ~

Thank you very much for your advice I will check out the Head Space videos.

I think so often we ask "how can I do this thing I'm dreading" rather than letting people know we need to respect ourselves and our condition.

If you were diabetic and someone invited you to a weekend of dessert tasting - or if you were an alcoholic and someone invited you to a wine tasting, you'd say "Oh, I would so love to have time with you but I'm a diabetic (or recovering alcoholic) so I can't go with you. Could we find something else to do together?"

This was a revelation to me when my neurologist suggested it several years ago. He said there is no group more apt to put themselves through sheer hell than people with anxiety. We hate to inconvenience others and fear being seen as making excuses to get out of something we don't like. Plus, we almost always feel "I'll be able to push through it" and as the time approaches we feel worse and worse.

This advice has been a GOD-SEND to me. And most of my friends are just wonderful about working with it.

In your situation, you could tell them, "We'd all love to come see you but [husband] has to work and I have some anxiety issues that prevent me from traveling too far away from home. We'd love to visit with you when you're able to come out this way."

Why is your husband's excuse more valid that yours? I can't image anything more valid than sheer terror!

There's no shame in it. Anxiety is a physical illness with physical causes. Yes, it impacts the way we think but we are not fearful people who can simply think of it differently and "get over it." It's not butterflies. It's an unexpected shot of adrenalin we have no control over. Yes, we can treat the symptoms to a degree but the best treatment I've found is respecting my limitations and gently pushing myself to do things that make me a bit uncomfortable so my world doesn't get smaller.

You are already dealing with so much - and you're dealing with it beautifully. You don't have to be super-woman!

I am like you in that change really messes with my anxiety. Change completely changes my perspective and I automatically feel like it's the end of the world. I have even gotten so severely anxious that I have thought about suicide as the only escape (not that I wanted to die, just wanted the fear and stress to stop). I right now am looking for work and doing interviews it is extremely stressful for me and the fear of change is really messing with me. A year and a half ago I walked out while signing employment papers, 4 months after that I quit a job after only working one day. I was so severely anxious about the changes that I just ran. I just had a huge fear of failure and my inability to handle it all that I just wanted to escape it all. 7 months after that, I interviewed and was offered another job. I took this job and I told myself this time was going to be different. Although, the thoughts of suicide did come back as I just wanted to escape the stress. BUT, this time was going to be different. I started writing a journal entry about all the things in my life that I have accomplished. I wrote about how I did not think that I would be able to get through those experiences yet I did and I succeeded at them. I also wrote another entry as if I was talking to a friend and telling them about how great they were going to do. We often talk to ourselves as if we were beating ourselves up. If my inner voice were a person, they would be locked up for emotional abuse. All of the things we say to ourselves we would never dare say them to a friend. we would never be that cruel to anyone else, so why do we do it to ourselves? Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a friend. Be encouraging, be sensitive and caring. Talk to yourself like you would your own child. A lot of us who struggle never learned to parent ourselves growing up. It's the little kid in us that is freaking out. We need to learn to be there for them. If one of your children where scared and freaking out you wouldn't belittle them.

One step at a time, one day at a time. Stay in the moment. That is the best thing to do with anxiety. That job that I got in December, I'm still there. I made it past signing the employment papers, I made it past one day, hell I made it to 5 mths. I am looking for a job again as it isn't full time and I do not want full time with them. So, I am starting this whole process over. I have to try and take one step at a time again.

Definitely enjoy your time with your kids and your husbands family. Enjoy your time away from the stress of every day life. You can do this! Like I did write journals or notes to yourself if you have to!!!

Wow, Reed31! What you wrote is exactly me, I do everything for everyone else and I tell myself that I can white knuckle through it. But, since I found out that I am going on this trip, I have been getting more and more anxious about it. I am literally going through hell over this. The bad thing is that the tickets are already paid for so I am obligated to go. I just want to be able to live my life without feeling the negative feelings that I get when I have anxiety.

I also have travel anxiety, especially flying.

Thank you so much babymonkey, you have great advice, you are right about talking to yourself like you would to your own child, I tend to be very hard on myself. I will take your advice to heart. Thank you for replying.
sdwill--do you travel seeings how you have travel anxiety? If you do how do you get through it? Is it just the traveling that causes you anxiety or is it being away from home as well?

It's both the travel and after a day or two the anxiety of being away from home takes over as well. The air travel is horrible for me. I can hardly breathe thru the entire trip and when I get off the plane my legs are numb from being so tense. They I cannot enjoy my trip for dreading the flight back :(

I agree with Baby Monkey, take it one step at a time, one day at a time, and stay in the moment. I understand your fears about traveling. I am in a similar situation right now. I have a trip planned for me and my daughter to go to Germany for 3 weeks this summer. I already purchased the tickets so I cant back out. I have not been able to visit my sister for the past 4 years, because my anxiety was so bad. The thought of being so far away from home and helpless when panic attacks was too scary. The last time I was in Germany 4 years ago I had the worst anxiety and panic attacks of my life. 2010 was a difficult year. My mother was dying of cancer and I was traveling back and forth to Germany to see her.

After my panic attacks become unbearable last Fall I finally started seeing a counselor. I am learning a lot about the origin of my anxiety. It goes back to my childhood when I didn't have a voice and I just had to suck it up, because nobody was there to help me and I didn't feel I had anybody that I could trust with my secrets (I was molested by my dad). I went through life keeping a low profile so I would not call attention to my perceived weirdness. I always thought people could see right through me and see how ugly and weird I am inside. I always thought I had to be nice to everybody all the time to distract them from my inner ugliness. I always put other people first, thought their opinions are better than mine, and tried to impress everybody with my selflessness. What happened is that people took advantage of me and used me as a doormat and my husband cheated on me. I did this until I finally hit a wall and my body told me that I couldn't ignore my own thoughts and feelings any longer just to please other people. I am learning that I have a voice and I have a right to use my voice.

Any kind of change from my daily routine is still difficult for me. I easily become flustered and disoriented and feel like I am losing control. So, on my upcoming trip I will have to take time to get acclimatized to new things, ideas, and impressions. There is a 9-hour time difference so I will make sure I get the rest I need when I need it. I will remind myself that I always have choices and I have a right to speak my mind. Keeping up appearances and trying to make other people happy all the time causes anxiety so I will not try to make everybody happy, but I will try to stay true to myself and let other people see who I really am. Keeping a daily journal also helps me. Sometimes I have a lot to say and other times nothing at all, but writing down my thoughts makes them less scary. You can release a lot of negative energy just by writing in your journal. Having a few good books to read is also helpful when you need some distraction from the negative thoughts. I really like The Worry Cure Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping you by Robert L. Leahy. Also, dont have too many expectations about your upcoming trip, just go with the flow and enjoy the vacation and the change in routine. Yes, change can be a positive thing (I still have to get used to that thought myself).

Remember, you always have a choice, just use your voice. Have a wonderful vacation with your family.

I think we also have that mentality of "it's too late to back out" but that's not usually true. If you had another health issue and it got bad, you'd cancel.

Is there any way you could swap the tickets for a later date and if you feel okay about going then, you can go and if not, your husband can go? I don't know how old your kids are but maybe they could just go without you? They have people on the airlines who can keep an eye on them and help them get to folks on the other end.

If you decide to go, you may still want to see it as a choice. Anxiety makes you feel trapped so seeing it as an option may help. It always helped me to focus on my kids when we had to travel and I was anxious. It took my mind off things if I had to take care of someone else. Another tool is to think of someone who travels easily all the time - they love flying - and sort of make a game of trying to act like them.

You may also want to try propranalol as it will regulate your heart beat but won't make your thinking fuzzy. Regulating your heart beat helps to break the chain of anxiety. Some doctors prescribe it "as needed" and others will prescribe it for daily use. As a side note - it also can help prevent headaches and hot flashes. : )

Wishing you all the best and hoping you can find moments of joy to focus on as you travel.