Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
My daughter's behavior continues to escalate. Today she turned 22 years old and flipped out because after I am done paying for the car she drives she will have to get her own insurance and the car will go in her name. (This is like 7 months away). She brought this topic up because she wanted me to trade the car in and get her a new car. ( not happening) She seems to believe she is entitled to spend whatever money she can, to not work, and to be a bully in my house. This weekend she forgot to order the dye to do mine and my mother's hair. My mother commented that she always has an excuse and always cancels and if she didn't do her hair this week she would have to go elsewhere. My daughter actually said to her 72 year old grandmother that she was a "f....ing selfish bitch" Today was worse as she screamed so loud and so hard she was not only spitting but she actually hit my arm and threatned to knock me out until I told her I was calling the police. Her behavior continued to kicking doors and pounding walls. Her anger is totally out of control, she blames everyone, and refuses help herself. Today she stated she would join group therapy but we know she talks a good game and will never get help. She claims to want to have "normal" conversations with people but she does not want to talk about anything normal. For example, she is job hunting and if I ask her how it is going her response is "Jesus C.... is that all you F.. talking about" She also does not want to talk about anything that anyone else feels is important. I think she is also immature. She seems to think that it is abnormal for her friends to want to go out to dinner or a bar on the weekend. At 22 I think this is normal she thinks everyone should hand in her room and sleepover. It is almost like she missed her teen years because she was so into drugs.
I made a decision today to stop all financial support effective May 1st. I picked May 1st because I do not want to change or bank accounts until my mortgage is done and keys to new house are in hand. Unfortunately I do not have a choice. My daughter lives for free, she does not hussle to work, and she expects to call me from her room and I will deliver her a drink or whatever she wants. She does not clean my house, bring up the trash cans, she does not do yard work, and does not even feed the pets. So in May she will have to pay her credit card, she pay me for her cell phones, and she will pay for own self.
So I need some advice: first I plan to speak to her father who lives in England. I feel he needs to know about her behavior and what has been going on. Should I or is this an invasion of her privacy? Second, would anyone or has anyone called the police if their kid adult or not has acted out so badly and carried on in the manner she did? And finally, can anyone else offer other things I may do to desclate her- and please don't say to throw her out I won't put her on the street but I also won't tolerate the abuse.
Thanks again
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And its already been noted by the weather service as heat advisory today thru Wed here.I have a rack of St. Louis Cut Pork Ribs. I will use a charcoal snake method of two rows on bottom shingled around about 3/4 of way on outside of the grill. Then on top of those I will shingle a single layer of briquetted same around 3/4 of grill. Adding some chunks of wood every 3-4 inches around the grill.I...
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Hope the dog days of summer aren't getting you down!
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Second, she is abusing you as well.
Third, you are obviously changing households.
The problem with changing households with a person who has anger management issues (and this is obvious from your post) can create a mess that is expensive to clean up.
You have listed the option of contacting the police. That puts in law enforcement which is different from seeking mental help, because once law enforcement is involved, criminal charges and all the associated costs with court ... will happen.
Once you decide what you are willing to do to preserve your well-being, you will have to get all your ducks in a row, and be prepared for the fallout.
You are accountable for what you say, do, and how you react. You will be well versed in exploring all of your feelings like you are doing here.
That is the most important part of coping with these types of escalating behaviors with growing adult children who have experienced drug usage in the teen years without consequences of any sort.
Best wishes in finding a peaceful and positive way to move forward for your self.
Your daughter will have to face her self, her choices, her consequences and be responsible for her actions.
It's hard to watch our child fall down, hurt themselves, and know that it's not up to us to fix it. It's up to us to give them the tools to help themselves and help them find their balance that they can stand on alone.
I’m really sorry that you’re being emotionally abused by your daughter; I’m also very sorry that she is unable to control her emotions.
I'm still taking it play by play, prayer by prayer and leaning heavily on my therapy support network while they sort their own.
As for the long-distance daddy. . . Is his emotional proximity any closer than his physical proximity? If not, you might find more support in a local support group meeting. Deadbeat parents are seldom worth the trouble of contacting. If he is an active co-parent, why haven't you already called? Time abroad has been known to be just the fix for a young adult ready for launch. I turned 22 as a GI Jane in Europe and it was a great way to come of age.
I agree with what arfie says about the deadbeat dad.
I'll just add...forgive yourself. As parents we do the best we can. (I went through some difficult times when my child was younger.) The pain of having a child who isn't growing up the way that we'd hoped/tried...was crushing for me. My son is doing fine now, but I will never forget how hard it was, and I often think what if things had gone the other way.
So...big hugs. And bigger hugs for the times when you have to deal with the judgement of parents whose children are doing well.
daughter. I don't think she will go to therapy. And if she does, I don't
think she is willing to change. My brother had excessive anger problems.
He was in therapy as a teenager. The psychiatrist gave him medication that
somewhat lessened his anger. My mother couldn't tell my brother what the
pills were for or he wouldn't take them. But he expected the therapist to fix him. He wasn't willing to work on changing.
We went to counseling and when he moved out at 18, we said bye.
Then he wanted to move back. Not unless you have a full time or are in college. He went for truck driving. Good. Then he got into an accident. Bbad, but moved in with g friend. Bad, then got a fulltime job and wanted to move back home again...ok you pay rent. 1/2 for later hes moving in with another chick and we said this it, no more. You are outta this next, you can only visit now.
He went to Chicago, got into school fir massage therapy so we helped with co signing a loan. Fine until my hubby died and he didn't pay me back the full amount owed so... that was it.
Tell her shes out on her own may1, change the locks. If she falls back into drugs that's her fault, her emergency in life is not your emergency.
Tough love is tough. Either she makes it on her own or she leeches off someone else but not you.
You need to live your life stress free. And don'tfeel guilty. I love my son although he said he disowned ne... lol, sorry, it dont work that way but as long as you keep your drama outta my life. You have a good life guy yourself.
Wish it were different but schools have taught them to be selfish.
You decide, want drama or peace?
It's that simple
Hard emotionally but simple to do. Just do it.
I am sorry that you are going through all of this regarding her behavior. But at 22 if she is not in school working and therapy can be options in your agreement.
I would share with her father what effects you monetarily in regards to her. Also the accumulated bills out of your pocket for the last year. If he wants to help a one way ticket sounds nice.
I was off because Ds for most of the year in part because of helping my daughter work through behavior and responsibility problems in regards to my grands.. My oldest grandson is now paying rent and his own phone and cable. He will be 23 soon and has had 2 false starts with girlfriends. Then the bad post break up blahs.
He has house chores too. Grass garbage and snow, those are in his living at home agreement.
There are laws against elder abuse, but the court will try to work with family on assessment and attendance of court approved counseling or serve time. This depends on the degree of abuse. The cost will be hers. There will be a cost to oversee this by a case manager and that cost will be hers as well.
"Today was worse as she screamed so loud and so hard she was not only spitting but she actually hit my arm and threatned to knock me out until I told her I was calling the police"
This behavior will get her a police escort out of the house as a domestic violence charge.
Support. it's hard to say this is enough, Only you can do what's best for you.
Jewells
Personally I think your daughter needs therapy too.
You're gonna be just fine love.
Make sure to keep up with your strong support system (e.g. family, friends + counseling) cause it will help you with parenting your difficult daughter.
Don't give up on her cause she can change but be firm and impose rules and stick to them. If she touches you, call the cops. That will give her a taste of adulthood and that it is NOT okay to hit you, her mother.
Show her that you won't take her shit but that you do love her.
Best of luck to you
Xoxoxo