Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Good day all... This is difficult, but I am trying to overcome my fear of talking about my issues. I think I am embarrassed by what I am experiencing. In my circle I am the go to person. Right now I can't even get out of bed to live a full functioning life.
My story... I was born addicted to herion. Both of my parents, whom I've never meet, were intravenous herion users. I am also told that my father was an alcoholic. So since birth I have had a void in my life. My first eleven years, I was embodied with unconditional love from my paternal grandmother. Kisses and hugs, love and good food. On October 3 1983, at 9:30pm she died of a massive heart attack. My life as I knew it would never be the same. I went to live with my fathers sister who has no children and no maternal instinct. She was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. Although, she doesn't think this, as she explains it as being parental. Many of her tactics made me very unsure about the decisions I made in my life, because I could never do anything right.
Through many trials and tribulations I lived with different family mates because my aunt was not equipped to handle a young girl feeling her way thru life. She sent me to live with my grandmithers youngest brother. Boy, was that a journey. The entire house was addicted to drugs except for my uncle. They would steal my clothes, even under garments, would not feed me or provide me with food. At sixteen they solicted me physically to their local suppliers. Who knew this was happening, I thought it was love and admiration. This is my first memory of survival. I finished school and gained employment and got the hell outta there. Over the years I became very bitter and angry because I didnt understand my place in this world.
July 4,1993 I had a beautiful baby boy. Since that time I have not processed my past as I have been living for him. Anything I did was for him. My wants or needs were not the concern only what he needed mattered. I truely believe as he becomes a productive member of society my anxiety increases because he will not be as dependent of me anymore.
Today my family and I have moved back to our home town to care fir my ailing father in law, he is an alcoholic. Also in the house is my husbands drug addicted uncle and his degenerate friends. Can yoy say kick up your stuff. Watching their behaviors on a daily basis has made me relive all of my past experiences, in fast firesrd mood. These past few days I have been paralyzed with fear anxieties. Panic attacks, knots in my stomach, unstable incontinence you name it I'm experiencing it. I have taken the first step of seeking help, but I keep shying away. I do not drink or drug. I have been with my mate fir over 16 years he sees my change. I worked in drug rehab for over five years so I kinda understand whats happened to me in the past and current day. My problem is that right now it is debilitating. My functionality is not working. I can't seem to shake this and its very frightening. I don't want my son to see me like this. And I especially don't want my relationship to crumble because I may be dealing with some menal illness.
Thanks for reading.... seeing my story like this does help me a little. Thank you Daily Strength, you were my saving grace today.
Blessings and hugs....
My story... I was born addicted to herion. Both of my parents, whom I've never meet, were intravenous herion users. I am also told that my father was an alcoholic. So since birth I have had a void in my life. My first eleven years, I was embodied with unconditional love from my paternal grandmother. Kisses and hugs, love and good food. On October 3 1983, at 9:30pm she died of a massive heart attack. My life as I knew it would never be the same. I went to live with my fathers sister who has no children and no maternal instinct. She was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. Although, she doesn't think this, as she explains it as being parental. Many of her tactics made me very unsure about the decisions I made in my life, because I could never do anything right.
Through many trials and tribulations I lived with different family mates because my aunt was not equipped to handle a young girl feeling her way thru life. She sent me to live with my grandmithers youngest brother. Boy, was that a journey. The entire house was addicted to drugs except for my uncle. They would steal my clothes, even under garments, would not feed me or provide me with food. At sixteen they solicted me physically to their local suppliers. Who knew this was happening, I thought it was love and admiration. This is my first memory of survival. I finished school and gained employment and got the hell outta there. Over the years I became very bitter and angry because I didnt understand my place in this world.
July 4,1993 I had a beautiful baby boy. Since that time I have not processed my past as I have been living for him. Anything I did was for him. My wants or needs were not the concern only what he needed mattered. I truely believe as he becomes a productive member of society my anxiety increases because he will not be as dependent of me anymore.
Today my family and I have moved back to our home town to care fir my ailing father in law, he is an alcoholic. Also in the house is my husbands drug addicted uncle and his degenerate friends. Can yoy say kick up your stuff. Watching their behaviors on a daily basis has made me relive all of my past experiences, in fast firesrd mood. These past few days I have been paralyzed with fear anxieties. Panic attacks, knots in my stomach, unstable incontinence you name it I'm experiencing it. I have taken the first step of seeking help, but I keep shying away. I do not drink or drug. I have been with my mate fir over 16 years he sees my change. I worked in drug rehab for over five years so I kinda understand whats happened to me in the past and current day. My problem is that right now it is debilitating. My functionality is not working. I can't seem to shake this and its very frightening. I don't want my son to see me like this. And I especially don't want my relationship to crumble because I may be dealing with some menal illness.
Thanks for reading.... seeing my story like this does help me a little. Thank you Daily Strength, you were my saving grace today.
Blessings and hugs....
You made the first step by telling your story here. That was so very brave of you. Thank you for trusting us here on DS. I have found there to be no judgment here and lots and lots of caring understanding people.
With all the trauma you have experienced in your life I would urge you to consider seeing a therapist. I know it will not be easy to dredge up the past and all the horrible feelings that go along with it but it has been my experience that the only way to heal is through feeling and processing all those horrible feelings. I have spent the last 2 years healing from childhood sexual abuse and, although it was very difficult, I have processed all the feelings from it and I am almost anxiety free. I have moved from 'survival' to 'living'. My life is full and happy. I want you to have this too. You DESERVE to have this too.
You are not alone.
Take care
I really appreicate your kind words, they brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I want to live a full live and not just survive. My work history has been in human service field and I am very familiar with the role of a therapist. For many years I have tried to sough out one with no success, as recent as this past June. I find that because they are in a high stress job position and at times unable to handle their OWN daily struggles they lack the luster of truely putting their best foot forward. This doesn't mean I will not try again, I think I need to Peel away a few layers before going that avenue again. Thanks again for the kind words.
I know you can make it through this. Think positive thoughts, deal with the pain and don't stuff it down any longer...you have had a good start here and I know you can continue to heal. ((hugs))
Be well and good luck on your new journey...
Blessings and hugs
God bless your Grandmother for the gift of showing you what life can and should be!
your son is a precious and life saving gift also..
ohh my goodness i know you know these things but i had to say it..
your sharing your heart and soul made tears ease out of me and i wanted to hug you!
i cant bring myself to go for counseling again.. but i find great release
through sharing online and with select family/friends..
cant help but feel you have tremendous strength and admire you sharing what felt "easily" your life that was anything but easy..
somehow its all going to come together and your time of peace will
hold you close and easy...
take care and Thank You Joann .. for sharing you
~hugs~