In my opinion, be careful, hes been single for 4 months, that isn't that long ago. How long was he in that relationship?

Sounds like it was serious based on fact they were living together. Has he processed his feelings for his ex?

You got this and yes men are weird

Repeat after me: Stop. Pause. Breathe. Options. Repeat until calm and clear-headed.

When you are experiencing anxiety, it's often a positive sense as well as a warning type.

Here's to finding your way to a better balance in the relationship.

stillstanding- he said for 2 yrs they lived together but was not a couple. She did not want him to touch her and her moods would flip like a coin. They got married cus she got pregnant, 6 mos later divorced, but their daughter got them back together, they were together for 10 yrs but the last 2 yrs were like what I mentioned above. Then she said she was not happy and kicked him out 4 mos ago. I know he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. He has told me this himself. I guess we both went to fast in the beginning cus we missed what we didn't have for so long. Now he wants to slow things down like we should have in the beginning. But he gives me mix signals all the time. I don't think he does it on purpose cus he does like me. But I think this is why my anxiety is so high, not knowing where I stand with him. As I said it's crazy!

I would suggest taking it slow with this guy. I think from your last post, you two have been seeing each other only 2 months. And, he's been single for 4 months. So, he is probably not ready for a relationship right at this moment.

What kind of mixed signals is he sending? Men are usually straight forward with what they want from you.

Do you two go out on proper dates? Go to restaurants, go to the movies, museums, etc?? You deserve to be courted!

Do not just settle for less-than. You deserve a lot!! Back off some and give him his space. He will come around and come to you. If you push too much, it will probably end. Stay busy with your own life! Go out with your friends, family, co-workers.... etc.

I know he's not ready for a relationship. The mixed signals he gives is being affectionate with me at times. Last time I backed off and came home. No dating, we live across from each other and I go over there. I asked about dating but he said no. I don't know why. I do know when he does go out to eat he has to go to the bathroom right away. IBS I believe he has. He also lost a leg below the knee when he was 28 yrs old. He will sometimes bring something home and call me to come eat with him. I know it's a strange relationship. I just go with the flow. He wants to go slow. I am trying so hard to do that. Wanting to know so much more but afraid to ask cus I don't believe it's any of my business.

Yeah, I can understand wanting to know - where do we stand - but honestly, it's too soon for him to even know the answer to that question. 2 months isn't that long, and plus he just got out of that long relationship.

If you want to have a relationship with him (you wrote that you love him already), then listen to what he says - that he wants to go slow. That he wants to almost 'start over". And that's fine, great.... probably the best thing for you two.

It sucks, but my best advice is that you have to give him space and time. An easier way for you to do this is to keep super busy with your own life. Have your own things to do, friends to go out with, places to go. Don't be so available.... guys don't like that and it will only chase him away. Keep busy. If he likes you, he will contact you. (This is all my opinion only).

Keep us posted!

GirlinCalif, Actually it's been 3 mos for us but I know that's not enough time. Everyone says to give him time and space. I know this! It's not to hard during the day cus he works and is gone all day. It's my mind that thinks to much and it's causing this anxiety. I don't work since I am on disability and sometimes the days get very long. I only have a couple of friends and my sister, who still works. I do have my hobbies and I do get out when I feel closed in. I help out my elderly neighbor who is 89 yrs old. How do you keep your mind from thinking about someone so much? I'm just as confused as he is cus I've never felt like this before for a man. Not even my late husband. I don't even know why? Makes me think I am going crazy. I think cus it's been so long since I've had a relationship and him too and we just went to fast at first. My motto is one day at a time but it's not working these days. lol!

You're not crazy! LoL. Take this as a good sign. That you have feelings for someone again. That is a real sign of healing.

It's exciting to meet someone new who we like. We don't know how we should act!! It's a fun, good feeling. Don't rush through that good feeling of meeting someone new.

What kinds of things did you do to stay busy before you met this guy?

What did I do before? Actually not much of that has changed since I met Dave. He works all day and comes home late some evenings. I don't bother him much during the week since I know he is tired. I stay up late most nights and so I sleep in till about 9 am. Makes the day shorter too. I have a bad back so every morning I do stretching exercises. Some days I go to town if I need something. For hobbies I paint by numbers, do jigsaw puzzles, read, take time to pray, Now today I went over to my sister's after she got done with her job. I also help out my 89 yr old neighbor Marilyn. She does not help my nerves either since she repeats things, always telling me about family stuff which she has told me so many times. I may go for drives. The other day I went to the cemetery. And it was so calm and peaceful there I felt better. The anxiety was gone. I talk to my parents when I am there. I do try to stay busy so I don't think so much.

That's great! Keep staying busy. Maybe Marilyn might have a touch of dementia? My Mom repeated a lot at that age, too. Thank you for helping your neighbor.

Can you find some other new things to do? Brand new things.

I just think that if this guy is actually saying he wants to take it slow, then you're going to HAVE to take it slow. No choice there. Which means, you stay busy with your own life and your own self-care. You can do this, you got this! Don't contact him.... he knows where you are. When guys need space, you have to give them space, alone. Don't call him "just to see how you are" or drop off a meal, etc..... Try to stay completely away for at least one week, then see how much longer you can go. This all has nothing to do with you, personally. This guy needs some alone-time.

But I am so afraid of what I did the other day pushed him away. But yet, after what I did he invited me into his trailer, which still confuses me. I explained anxiety to him and that I don't know where it came from. I thought we had ended up ok. But he has not called. And the note I left him telling him about my Drs appt is gone. I assume he threw it away. As I said I may be blowing this all up and I'll see him this weekend like always. We don't always see each other during the week cus he is tired. So I just have to see what happens this weekend.

He’s not ready or interested in a serious relationship right now. Sounds like he’s both told you that and is showing you that. Simply believe it. It has nothing to do with you personally.

Thinking about ways to please someone or worrying about what you did or didn’t do almost seems like you may not be ready either. When you feel good about yourself, have good self esteem, etc, you are comfortable just being yourself regardless of another person. Being desperate for someone to like you as much as you like them is not attractive and never creates a healthy dynamic in the relationship, with another person or the relationship you have with yourself.

You be you, independent of this man. If it works out, great. If not, it’s ok. I’d rather be alone than making myself a nervous wreck
hoping someone wants to be with me or fretting about how they feel about me. So not worth it.

@RMB's post above says it better than I could.

If this is causing you so much anxiety, than as RMB said, maybe you are not ready for a relationship either.

He just got out of that long relationship. Understandably, he needs some time. Alone.

The last thing you want to be is the "rebound person". So it would be best to put a stop to that type of situation.

It's great that you want a relationship and that you have feelings for another person again (since the time that you've been a widow). The thing is, this guy is not quite on the same page... yet. Yes, he likes you. But, he has said that he wants to take it slow, to go back to the beginning, of taking it slow. And, you have to respect that. If you want something more with this guy, you can't push yourself on him or expect daily phone calls or texts, etc..... He simply is not ready to be tied down to that type of situation - at this time. He just needs more time is all. I am sure that you can do that, though. You wouldn't want to push him away, I am sure. So you need to back off, wayyyy off. Even your friends are saying the same thing.

Relationships work when both people are on the same page. They want the same things, at the same pace.

If I were you, I wouldn't see him this weekend at all. Call him and say you are busy and that you'll talk to him later and wish him a good weekend. That's all you say. Nothing else. Then, go do other things. Or, stay home... but don't contact him at all for at least a week, hopefully longer.

I want this to work out for you, I really do. But, pushing it past where he feels comfortable, will only make him end the whole thing.