I would have a discussion about it with your therapist. Ask her for help or guidance. Maybe the meds need an adjustment. Don’t know.

What if first thing in the morning immediately after waking up you did something, like exercised or cleaned or went for a walk or anything. It’s not a fix per se but it might help you navigate feeling so bad. Create new habits and routines.

it's okay to just keep writing, marianne. it helps with the sorting.

the problem i find myself with when i go advice-seeking is that i always seem to end up with loads of conflicting advice to sort through. advice-givers disagree even more often than experts.

steadying support while you discover which advice set works best for your unique case. keep writing. the answers which are right for you are in there.

100% agree on advice seeking and conflicting advice. Everyone’s got an opinion. No one is an expert here, myself included. And what works for one might not work for another. So any advice or ideas anyone offers are strictly anecdotal. It’s totally up to you what you want to try or do, or not try or not do.

So that’s why it might be best to seek specific guidance and advice from a professional. Keep writing here in the group (or the journal feature it you’d prefer less commentary) to help process and problem solve.

It’s all up to you how you want to work through your own stuff. People support you here on whatever path you take.

Here's one way to look at the writing-you're reaching out here for those who care enough to provide 'ideas and suggestions' for you to consider at your own pace.

All of us know how hard it is to take the first breath and use positive words, images, and senses to get us moving in sync.

I would add water with the pill in the early morning to help balance your hydration - you're using a lot of hydration in expressing the 'tears of the heart'.

Whatever is keeping you 'stuck', 'trapped', and/or 'blocked' in your thinking is something only you can release.

We're here for you, and the more you write, the easier it will be to 'let it go' when you're ready.

Right. I mean as soon as my eyes open I feel this way. So I don’t have time to change that part.
I do get up and have to take dogs out and care for all the pets. So it’s immediate movement. It’s not like I can lay around.
I just don’t know what’s wrong me. I really do not.

Maybe it has something to do with your mother. She didn't die very long ago.
And maybe its partly other distressing things in your life. Talk to your therapist and eventually you will figure things out.

Yes Tired. And I sometimes feel like I am a kid again and need “my mother”. That’s actually how i feel these past few days. Like I need someone to take care of me. That’s how sad and down I am feeling. Instead I have all the responsibility of life and that always was an issue for me.

for what it's worth
when waking up feeling bad was normal-for-me, i started working my therapy tools before i went to bed at night. my mental health upon waking was greatly influenced by the mental health i crawled into bed with.

The first thing to do is start accepting how you feel instead of bemoaning and fighting it. Get your book out and start reading. Things won’t start to change until you take the initiative to do something positive about it. Read the book, your answer is in there. It’s the answer to your prayers, if you will just reach out and try. Remember the man on the roof in danger of drowning refused God’s help, he couldn’t see God’s answer staring him in the face. It’s there if you will just try.

Hello to you and I'm sure Anxiety has to blame for what your dealing with.
I have dealt with Anxiety for about 40 yrs not much I haven't gone through.
In my experience this is a Habit you have gotten use to...I use to have a terrible time every time I took a shower as soon as the steam would start my anxiety would kick in...I couldn't breath and have to gulp outside the curtain again and again until I was done. It was crazy I thought what is wrong with me? Finally I got tired enough of it and said enough changing my thoughts on shower at a time and soon this habit disappeared. Now I Love hot steamy showers never thought that was possible. Get up get moving no negative thinking it will pass.....Big Hugs to you:)