Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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The Empty Nest + Panic Attacks

damoore68
damoore68

So happy to have found this site. My wife and I recently dropped off our youngest at college a couple weeks ago. We've had a child-or four-at home for the past 31 years. We have thoroughly enjoyed raising our family. Our youngest decide to go some three hours away to school, which we support. 


I was expecting a transition to be somewhat stressful. Mostly I was anxious about whether my wife and I would get along, but that has proven to be the best part of this. We get along fine and are enjoying each other's company. 


I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 35 and have periods where I struggle with anxiety. Usually nothing to bad and I have taken meds in the past. This time however, I am experiencing panic attacks at night. Seems the quiet house has left a void where my anxious thoughts go to play. Unrelenting and irrational worries about my son away at college. Worry about driving home. Drinking. Making friends on a compus he knows virtually no one. Worries about whether his car will be safe in the parking lot. It's insane and it spirals way out of control. He's proven to be quite capable and doing great. 


But I am struggling more than I've ever struggled before. I am working on an appoitnment with a therapist hopefully this week. My tools for coping are no longer working.


I also work in healthcare communications and the past 20 months have been grueling to say the least. So I know my resiliance is down. I am trying to give myself some grace as are the others around me. I have great support from my boss and my wife. 


All that to say, thanks for letting me share my struggles. 

Community LeaderMid
Mid
Welcome to the Anxiety board at DS.

You've taken the important first step in writing it out.

The more you write it out, the easier it will be to find the positive way to look at the things that you are coping with inside your head.

Your tools are working fine. You have added more stress little by little and the biggest one is to change from 'parent' to 'couple' and 'individual' again.

We spend so much time, effort, and knowledge being 'parent' that we often forget to take care of us 'individual'. Being a 'couple' gives some balance in doing activities together and having a partner for some of those adventures.

Take some moments to pick out things you like to do as an 'individual'.

Distract from the thought process by using the positive you have done. The more you distract, the easier it is find your calm and balance in the moment.

Best wishes as you make your way through this challenging time.
arfie
arfie
Hello Damoore. Welcome to DS. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

Not a single one of my own therapy tools is guaranteed to work first time every time, especially not during my transitional phases, such as the nest emptying and/or refilling, new adventures, etc., etc. Life is chockfull of transitional phases and nothing triggers my anxiety like change, even when the change is something I want with all my heart and soul.

The evasive nature of anxiety management tools makes my peer support network all the more important. I often think of my peer supporters as jumper cables for my tools. It is amazing how often my peers provide just the right reminder or fine tuning to get my tools back online. This very forum is one of the nodes on my peer support network. I hope it serves you as well as it has served me.

Welcome aboard. Hope you find stabilizing companionship here.
hyperpgal
hyperpgal
I am in a similar situation--but I was already in therapy and she kept saying what a big transition I was going through and how'd it be difficult---I really wondered what she was talking about...but oy...was she right! Change is hard--I hate change ( even though it has always turned out for the better!!! I think it is really hard for people with GAD because you need continuity to feel safe--because we think we are in control of it all..which we will never be!! reaching out to a therapist is a great idea. I am changing to a new one this week and apparently she has a group about women in transition--! maybe they will have something like that by you--but for men of course! good luck!








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mtd
mtd
Now that your last fledgling has flown from the nest you have lost some of the control you had over his life. So your anxiety shifts into a higher gear, you feel loss of control and a void where he is concerned. Self talk goes a long way into helping cope. By repeating true statements to yourself, you will gradually be able to calm back down. My son is ok, he is responsible, I trust him. Then you have to address the void he has left in your life, a new start for him, a door closing for you. Reconcile this information and turn it into a positive, my son is becoming a man, he is starting his own journey now, I raised him to the best of my ability, now it’s his turn. Change is hard to accept with anxiety, Use those quiet nights to reflect on the good times your family had and rejoice that you have that family, no matter where their lives take them. I am glad you are going to start therapy. I’d also encourage you to try relaxation meditation. It does help.
GreenEyes727
GreenEyes727
Hi. I'm not a parent but I just want to say that kids go to college all of the time and make out just fine. I just think that you are feeling a little out of control. And like you said, you have been extra stressed because of the times we are living in. What tools do you use to bring you back to normal? My mind just regulates itself when I am having a panic attack. Or my situation changes. For instance, I have panic attacks while getting ready to do something I don't feel like doing. Like being on the clock to get to my Aunt's house. Somehow, the drive calms me down and by the time I sit down, I am much better. Then I get aggravated while I'm there but no panic attack. I am on several different medications. Your son will be just fine. It's his time to shine. He will make friends. He's not all alone. He's obviously intelligent. It is wonderful that you and your wife are enjoying each other. Maybe you should find a hobby that you both enjoy or even separate hobbies. So keep busy, take a sleep aid if you have to, and relax and don't forget to be proud of yourselves for raising an intelligent, competent young man. Hope this helps!
damoore68
damoore68
Thank you all for your posts. Today my youngest drive himself the three hours home successfully! The things my mind suggested might happen the other night were so off-the-charts horrible. And after seeing my doctor yesterday, I got a little pharma help to get my sleep back on track. Slept all night and today I feel so much better. Still trying to get in to see a therapist. I guess they are booked solid right now with everything going on.

Have a great weekend.
catch_the_music
catch_the_music
Glad you and your wife are getting along in this transition period. Hopefully you can find some good groups you can join to fill your life - church groups, golf, social clubs, volunteering, etc. Prayers for a good adjustment period!
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