Hello, I am new to your group, however not new to anxiety.
I will give you a brief history.

I am 56 years old but have had a history of anxiety, in addition to panic attacks since my early 20's.

My anxiety on the most part appears to be low leveled from day to day, and I carry on a content life, married, with one daughter who is married, and I have two little grand boys.

My anxiety has manifested itself in many ugly unpredictable forms through out the years, from feeling as though I am going to pass out, heart palpations, a feeling of doom and many other symptoms.

However, the worst symptom I have had is the sudden onset of feeling extremely nervous, as if I just drank 10 cups of coffee, I can't concentrate, feel as if I might just go blank, my mind races and I fear I will not be able to function. The unset attack lasts about an hour, then comes in waves, I often get a slight headache after.

This is usually how my severe episodes begin, sometimes they last a few days, weeks, the longest a couple of months. Then they just ease up and I go back to just mild anxiety.

Until I feel "normal" again, even after the attack, I can't just still, sit, read, watch TV, due a project, or carry on as I normally would not in this state of mind.

I clean, sort, due anything just not to feel the overwhelming feeling in my mind of anxiety, at which I find hard to describe to people. I am so tired by bed time, but just lay in bed feeling as if I am going to pop with anxiety, having racing thoughts, and a numbness feeling, as if I might just go blank.

Now in my case I have had long remissions, a year or more can pass, and I don't have any severe, so called "panic attacks" even in times of great stress, I don't have panic attack.

Then, I think maybe my severe attacks will never pop back in to my life. I almost forget the feelings of anxiety. I also thought maybe since I have passed through menopause, I would be free of severe anxiety as well. But as you will read on you will see that unfortunately is not the case.

On occasion, usually if I am in a place I don't care to be, where I feel not in control, I might get little mini anxiety, or feeling like I might just go blank, can't walk, or so on, but in those cases the feeling passes, and I go back to feeling "normal" usually very quickly.

So, the past several years I have been in remission from severe panic, even in times of great stress, such as taking care of elderly parents, who both have passed, working as a secretary sub in our schools, part time, and normal day to day stress. I live a pretty much content happy life, I like to read, walk, garden and have a nice social life.

Recently, I took upon a new position, working with severely disturbed teens, in a residential home, It is a very challenging difficult position. I have trained long hours, and worked hours I am not used to and guess what has repapered to haunt me?

Last Sunday I was very tired and felt forgetful, then started to feel panicky. So, I decided to go shopping hoping that would make me feel better. But I never even made it to the store. I was hit with a fierce blast of anxiety, feeling as if I could not drive...Yikes, I had to get back home or else, or else what? Should I pull over, should I go to the ER, tell them what, I feel as if I am going to just go blank...

So, I did get home, calmed down some, but since I just am not ok at all.

I think should I quit this new job, my therapist said, no, I should try to get through it, and try a med.

But then on the other hand, I have been through many other very stressful situations, with no panic! So, it is very confusing as to figure it all out.

Since that unset last Sunday I have been a mess, with the worst anxiety I have had in years! And also going to work and trying to just carry on, feeling terribly anxious all the time. Its like torture at a new job, with hyperactive teens, feeling like I am coming out of my skin.

So, instead of just telling myself, I am overtired, it is only anxiety, I think it is some other dreadful ordeal going on in my brain. I have great fears of, what if it is not anxiety, what if it gets worse, what if I just go blank and will never feel ok again, enjoy my life, grand boys, go out to dinner, garden, just live with out the "extreme self awareness" that comes with my anxiety.

In the past, and now presently, the feeling of doom, like I just can't carry on, or am going to just go blank is what scares me the most, uggg I hate feeling this way.

Do any of you experience you anxiety as such?

I have low dose zanax, but have only taken it on occasion, and not in a long time.

I have not taken any medications for my anxiety in the past, years ago I drank a glass of wine to sort of ease my nerves, but don't care to go that path again.

Any input or support appreciated.
Thanks
Pattylyn