Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Thought I'd share another read from my meditation reader. I am still processing the traffic deaths of my son (35) and his wife, alongside the challenges of my eldest son (40) who seems to have given up on life to the extent that my heart does not know which of my sons died first. It be allot of sorrow. This entry seems worth the reinforcement of typing it out to share it here.
Begin quote
Ah! If you only knew the peace there is in an accepted sorrow. ~ Jeanne de la Motte-Guyton
Why is it we fight experiencing our sorrow so? In some ways, my sorrow reminds me of the depth of my ability to love.
Some of us are not so sure about our ability to love. We may not have grown up in very loving families and simply did not have role models who taught us how to love. Or, we may have been hurt by others and are fearful of taking the risk of loving. Or, maybe nothing we ever do is quite good enough for us and the ability to love is just another item we have chucked into that category. Whatever the reason, we may have come to doubt that we can truly love another person. Even when we fear we have not developed or have lost our ability to love, we probably have not lost our ability to feel sorrow.
When we accept our sorrow and let ourselves feel our sorrow, we bain the peace that comes from knowing our loving.
My sorrow may be the passage to experiencing my ability to love.
End quote.
It has been a bit more than a year since the fatal car wreck took my gentle but troubled son from me. There is no way to accurately count the years since the estrangement from my other, violent and financially dependent son began. That estrangement process was well underway since he dubbed me with my Toxic Mom honors in 2017.
Processing. . .
I'm not okay, but my emotions are rapid cycling and I leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
For me, makes sense, in that I'm finding peace in the moments where sorrow is present.
I can understand the rapid cycling emotions.
Thank you for sharing.
You have been through so much yet still continue to move forward. May that remind you of just what you are made of (and please don't allow another to put his pain onto you as guilt )
You and your family (grandkids and that other son as well) are all in my prayers. Hugs, Kim
"One drop of sorrow heals the troubled heart
"More than a thousand tongues of consolation." ~Robert Leighton (At the Grave of Margaret)