Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hello!
I just joined, and figured I'd go ahead and put myself out there. I struggle with moderate social anxiety, which is most significant in regard to my lack of dating experience. I'm in my early 30s now, and I have only ever been in one relationship, which was over a decade ago, and it was a really bad one (in recent years, I've realized it was more abusive than I realized at the time). Since then, I have not made it anywhere past first dates (and it's been a while since I even reached that point), and have often just avoided dating using various excuses, such as being too busy with grad school. I have spoken with my therapist about it, which has been helpful, though it is really exhausting to think about, and I'm finding it hard to build confidence. And I also just feel very alone with this situation. My therapist says it's normal, and that she's worked with other people who struggle with the same thing, but I feel that those whom I know personally don't seem to have the same trouble. There are other singles I know, but they seem to be more "date savy," and are often single for other reasons. There are people I know with anxiety, but who seem to do better than me. Of course, what also doesn't help is being unable to meet anyone at the moment, due to social distancing (which is stressful and depressing for a number of reasons anyway).
If anyone has had similar experience, please feel free to share. And don't worry about whether you have good advice or not, just knowing people understand is comforting enough...though if anyone has input based on how they overcame situation, I'd love to hear it.
This seems like a very supportive group! Glad I found it. (:
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
My social anxiety is quite severe. Enough so that I refused to date while I was single and the dating games are still far enough beyond me to make me wonder if that is the *REAL* reason I am still with that same chump 40 years later.
Then my chump and I inherited 3 orphans, age 6 and under when my son and his wife died last September and I discovered that I need to learn child dating if we want these 21st century orphans to have a social life. I still find myself shocked that child dating is even legal.
Gentle empathy, RJ. I am taking my shrink's word for it that *I* am the crazy one.
It sounds to me, and I could be wrong, that the one relationship you were in left a lasting impression on you in some way, and that has prevented you from wanting to get into another relationship? Or, maybe there is something else from your past that only you can explore and work on.... such as through therapy... I think it's great that you are in therapy.
If your social anxiety is very strong, some of the SSRI medications do help with that, such as Paxil and Zoloft. You might not need medication. I am just letting you know, that there are anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications that are in the SSRI class, which greatly help with social anxiety.... almost eliminating it. In case you have anxiety or depression also, and I don't know if you do, but those medications could be beneficial to you.
I'm so glad that you are here on this site and I hope you continue to share, and that you find help and support here!
GIrlinCalif, yes you are right! The incidents regarding that one relationship did leave a lasting impression, which has been part of the problem. I have been off and on throughout the years in terms of wanting to be in another relationship, or at least making it a priority. I sort of have mixed feelings about being single at the moment, but I can say that my limited experience with dating makes me feel left out when I hear about people's other experience.
Another issue is feeling that I've held myself back due to values that I am now questioning. I was raised Christian, and though I still have my faith, I have questioned some of the rules around dating that I was taught growing up and have lived by for years. When I ask myself why such guidelines are important to me, I have found that I have mostly allowed my anxiety to dictate such values, and I hung onto them as an excuse to avoid dating. This is not to say that having values/guidelines is a bad thing, and I respect people who have different views than me (and believe me, while I question some guidelines, there are plenty of others that I hang onto). There is just a difference between hanging onto them because I feel empowered, and hanging onto them because I have been told that I HAVE to, or because I am too anxious to move forward. Anyway, this is something I have started to work on, and talking about it in therapy has been helpful as has reading books that support my more current ways of thinking.
I know there are other people who have struggled with relationships, either because of social anxiety or because religious values they were raised on. But the combination of both seems to make my situation particularly unique, and I feel working on anxiety and revisiting my values simultaneously is exhausting.
I previously had severe SA myself and I'm also a late bloomer. In my mid 30s now. I've been catfished twice and have had multiple abusive relationships in a very short period of time. Was taken advantage as being seen as seemingly "weak" for caring and having SA. And I've also isolated myself for months to build myself up. So maybe we can relate? I'm open to PMs if you are. xD
First thing's first. Most people will over-hype their love lives or hide their social anxieties. Especially these days of mostly introverts. So, please do not feel alone. And besides, there's someone for everyone. Dates are superficial and being yourself around someone once those layers start falling is what makes lasting and healthy relationships. Perhaps finding someone on here might help? ;)
So, over-thinking of how you should be around someone is not seeing the bigger picture. Be eccentric, be yourself. Even if that means being very anxious. There's anxious people on all sides of the spectrums. Hope you can find comfort in all that.
I personally realized that over-thinking everything leads to you being stuck with SA. Hate to sound like 'that' guy, but, we create our own private hells sometime by not moving. Y'know. :P
I hope you find that right someone that helps alleviate or even get rid of your SA. Best of luck!