Hi arfie. I know what it's like to feel resentment. It's maddening! The only way that you can deal with it, in your case, is to react to it differently. That is not easy to do but definitely doable. I have to go into my beliefs for a minute. I don't believe that we are living God's plan. I believe that we are living our soul's plan. My life did not turn out as I thought. Here i am, about to turn 67, never married, no kids, no real boyfriend since 1995. I think my soul took on too much, which happens and you are probably in the same boat. I would suggest seeing the foster children as a blessing. You took on a big responsibility in this lifetime, along with unbearable pain. You are still standing. I would also suggest taking life one day at a time. That's what I do. I try not to project too far into the future. At least you will have the relief of school soon. For me, I am now happy being single and mostly doing what I want. I did not have great experiences with love relationships. I am in the process of getting away from someone who was bringing me down. I resented her needing me to drive her around because she doesn't have a car. I resent my Aunt sometimes too, especially when I am tired. How can you react to your circumstances differently. Maybe read the book called something like "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". Think of those precious beings in your care as a gift of sorts. As for my spiritual beliefs, I love Sylvia Browne's booked called "The Other Side and Back". It's basically my Bible. I was introduced to that book in July of 1999. It helped me to handle the deaths of my parents, who died at 61 and 67. I am at the gym so I'm going to hop on a bike. One last suggestion, take the foster kids for a walk. It will do everyone good.

Resentment is a necessary part of providing a way for our brain to process the conflict of the feeling of push, pull, and let it release naturally.

One of the hardest parts of grief is finding the middle ground to stand fast when the storms are rolling round and round.

I was recently reading up on resentments. Resentment is normal, human stuff but also negative normal human stuff that keeps us unhappy or more unhappy. Maybe you need more help in the home in some way to lighten your load?

I am making a hash of all this but resentment is kind of like envy, we want or don't want what it is that we think we should have. You will never feel happy that your son and DIL died and you will always remember and love, memories and feelings.

Life is difficult at times, arfie. Dr Laura on the radio said it once, "we endure."

For some reason our souls came to this life with these people to learn something. I don't know why life is so hard except that for human beings like if often just flat out hard. We grieve and we love and we soldier on.

I don’t have children but losing a child seems to be a different kind of grief and a sadness that never really goes away but you learn to live with it. “Unmitigated victimhood” seems a bit harsh on yourself.
Resentments seem almost to be a punishment of one’s self for not making the right choices. “I should have done this or could have done that.” Sometimes your decisions did affect the outcome and sometimes you are reaching to take the blame that is not yours to take. Resentments lead to guilt, frustration, bitterness for me. The active resentments (choices I could make to change my current life) are what eat me up the most. I try hard to let go of the blame and I try to accept my past decisions. Maybe it’s accepting some sort of fate that we are meant to suffer and we just need to learn to breathe, carry on and forgive ourselves for being human.
Is depression just trouble finding the purpose of life and the will to carry one? I’m rambling…