I am sorry if this is a long post... but I have been working on so much in my life, it has been a roller coaster ride.

I discovered a few yrs ago through reading a self help book on narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, codependency and c-ptsd that I have been living a life filled with manipulative, emotionally abusive and toxic people.

And since then I have been working on removing these toxic people out of my life and /or establishing healthy boundaries. Fist I divorced my alcoholic ex husband of 10 years (divoced 4 yrs ago).

The following year my best friend (of 20 yrs) and I got married. And we decided that we should foster children. My husband and I have been working hard for 3 yrs now on obtaining a foster license...and the foster agencies and CPS will not grant the home a license if there is a lot of drama at the home or if the home is a toxic environment. 

We started the process 3 yrs ago, but then an avalanche of emergencies hit our lives. Our house was broken into and robbed. They also caused $20k in damages to the property, which we repaired over the next 8 months. My stress and anxiety was very high. The burglars were on the run and I kept worrying that they would come back and target our home again. So we put up multiple cameras around the property. One of them was finally arrested and got 2 yrs in jail. Just 2 yrs for all that damage. The other is still on the run.

After repairing the house, suddenly my Mom needed a place to stay because her rent was going up and she could not afford it. So she moved in with us, which I thought was going to be TEMPORARY till she found another place. What happened next turned our lives upside-down. She needed help all time for every little thing. She could not cook, clean, or manage herself. Then we found out she has heart failure and she went into the hospital for a double bypass. She quit all her psych meds because they interfered with her heart medicine (which is understandable), but she was supposed to later resume them which she refused. And she became very moody and hostile.

But to our horror, she had the hospital discharge her directly to our home post surgery, instead of a nursing home. I was surprised because the surgeon said she would need 90 - 100 days of rehabilitation. But Mom lies about everything and told us that she was healthy enough to skip rehabilitation. Meanwhile, my husband and I became her 24 hr nurse waiting on her hand and foot. She loved the attention and refused to go into a rehab clinic. Neither of us have a background in nursing training. It broke the both of us, physically and mentally. Because she rejected help from her doctors, her doctors sent at-home hospice care to our house. But they only came around 2x a week. And we needed help 24 hrs a day (she eventually became well enough to graduate from hospice).

Long story short.... the burglary and then my Mom moving in obstructed our process of getting licensed for foster care. My baby brother whom just had a baby at the time, also came to stay with us because his baby mama took the baby and left town without leaving a note or clue where she went. We agreed to let him stay for the WEEKENED, but then he refused to leave and essentially moved in. 

Our home that we bought to foster children was destroyed by burglars and then invaded and taken over by my mom and my baby brother and their many problems whom both felt intitled to be here. My mom even demanded that my husband and I let my brother and his sons permanently live here. She argued with us and pounded her fist on the table at us.

We eventually got my brother out. And established some healthy boundaries, like he could stop by to pick up or drop off Mom but he can't stay. 

I also had a toxic narcissistic friend at the time who was between housing and would crash here from time to time. And I helped her move from one place to another. Instead of thanking me, she would always start a fight, b*tch me out, and accuse me of ruining her life. Like WTH. So after years of tolerating that abuse, I ended the friendship (little over a year ago).

And then finally, got Mom moved out this past January (see my other post).

So that's 4 toxic people I have managed to either remove from my life permanently or establish a healthy distance with healthy boundaries. I was tired of being taken advantage of by people whom felt entitled to my time, my energy, and my home. I felt used. I am a 100% disabled veteran, BTW. So I have my own problems that need care, etc.

Now that I have established a healthy environment in my home, we can foster children. We are nearly done with all of the foster agency's requirements for obtaining a license and they said we should have it by the end of the month. And a child placed in our home by April. This will be a safe place for me and my husband... and most importantly, for the children. Come hell or high water.