Hi Anna. Welcome to DS.

I'm so busy being amazed that you know you ever did have a relationship with your neighbors that I can't hardly think about the rest of the social etiquette. Even in small towns, neighbor relationships have become so rare that they are approaching precious in my mind. I don't know how to reach emotional rapport with my neighbors, much less what to do with the faux pas.

Buttttttttttttttaaaaaaaaaaaa. . . Moving past my amazement to times I have been let down in other relationships, forgiveness is the tool I most often use to move past such emotional letdowns. The forgiveness might not lead to a renewed relationship but it helps me let go of the bitterness of holding a grudge. That bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Gentle support while you find your own solution to this unique dilemma. Welcome aboard.

Maybe you could put a facebook post saying that you miss the companionship of friends and neighbors. It is such a precious gift we give each other.
I know the past cannot be remade but maybe you all can start fresh.
Just a thought. If they don't respond, then it may be their loss and you have done all you can.

Take a moment and breathe.

Nothing that goes on now will change your feelings about what happened back then. So, choose what is more important to you, holding onto the feelings or letting them go.

Here's the thing about next door neighbors...talking to them in person about the major events is the usual method of communication as "neighbors". I know the usual method of communication for group information is facebook.

Small towns...social media...changes the way people communicate.

The important thing is that you got your feelings out in writing. Your husband is correct in telling you to not say or do anything until you process your hurt, your feelings and find your way to a new calm with this.

Exactly what did you want, or expect from the next door neighbors? You've written it out, so give yourself the opportunity to write it out the rest of the way.

I will tell you that I'm still processing my feelings over the way things happened when my father passed. I know that when I change the way I feel after processing the information from a different perspective, it makes it easier for me to be social around these people.

Being good neighbors is much more pleasant for the whole neighborhood.

Best wishes while you figure out what you want to help you move forward. Sorry for your loss.

I'm soo sorry this has happened to you, at a time when you needed the support from those closest to you. It's a harsh reality to cope with. It's a layering of grief from the loss with their abandonment, which amplifies everything and is still stinging you.

When my father died, same thing happened to me. I finally sent out notices in writing to the people I wanted to hear back and only a few responded. I received no cards, no flowers, nothing at all. So, I too, had to cope with the layering of grief and abandonment too. Same thing when I developed cancer, no one absolutely no one did one thing for me that you would think neighbors would do.

Sometimes we never know the reasons why and you may never know why either. it's a process to work thru and there is no time limit for this. It's really all about them, not you. And you think "how could they after all I did for them", well, it happens more than you know. Just consider it's better you know now.

So, how do you deal with the hurt and abandonment? You have to look to yourself to heal this rift. Going to your neighbors to discuss this will only make things much worse and could potentially blow up in your face. Time to pamper yourself, do things that bring you fun and pleasure and joy and do this with intent. It's okay for you to come and go from your home and if they are there, just wave and be pleasant but draw the line there and keep going to your destination. The more times you do this, you will build confidence in your ability to move beyond this betrayal. It takes lots of practice.

I wish you all the best in this journey (( comfort hugs )).

That is just not right.

I have found that often when people don't say anything, it is because they don't know what to say. They are afraid of screwing up and saying something hurtful and it gets awkward. It's not that they don't want to support you; they often just don't know how, so many people find it easier just to not approach the subject at all. I know what it feels like when someone you expected to support you just wasn't there for you. When my mother died, I expected my best friend to be there for me. When days passed and I had not heard anything from her, I felt betrayed. She was my best friend; she knew how I had dreaded this day. Turns out that the reason she wasn't there for me was because the fact that I lost my mom sent her into a tailspin of panic about losing her own mother. Her mom was one year younger than mine and being faced with my mom dying brought that reality too close to home for her. Yes, I know it can feel like such a betrayal when someone you expected to be there for you lets you down. But this is two years later, and by being bitter at the neighbor, you are hurting yourself and keeping yourself a prisoner to unforgiveness. Chances are your neighbors may not have any clue why you stopped talking to them. My sister-in-law once made what was an extremely hurtful comment in my mind. I was so hurt I thought I never wanted to see her again--and for five years I didn't. Finally, after I had my first baby, I saw her again and I told her why I had stayed away. She had no recollection whatsoever of the hurtful comment she made. I wasted five years, deluding myself thinking I had the power by not forgiving her, because goodness knows if I were to let her off the hook, then I'd lose my power. But you know what was the truth? She lived her life for five years, having no idea why I was not coming around; I had no power over her. She had all the power over me, because she was in my thoughts every day and whenever I got the chance, I made sure the people around me knew what she did -- so consequently people did not want to be around me because I was just going to inevitably bring up how she hurt again -- and I was the only one in prison -- a prison of my own making -- not hers. I told her the reason and she had not a clue what I was talking about. We hugged and it was as if the chains finally fell off of me, and I was free.