Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
a frequent topic in my daily meditations is:
why is pride listed as, "A DEADLY SIN?"
deadly? i often believe it was sheer force of pride which enabled me to survive the freak show of my childhood. or was that force of will? is there a diff? even in my most catholic moments, i cannot see pride as a bad thing. self-esteem, parenting, secular accomplishments, solid community contributions, etc., etc., all benefit from personal pride. how can pride be a bad thing? a question of balance? too much of anything can be deadly.
for the first time in the 3 years since tragedy assembled this little ship of fools, i have sincerely enjoyed the childrens' visit with their maternal family. the what-if anxiety attacks have been minimal and the luxury of finding project pieces where i left them has been restfully productive. i find myself wistfully sad that the visit is in its last days. saturday afternoon hubs will be bringing the children back while i prepare for the double birthday party to take place on sunday. baby sis turned four on december 30th. big sis turns 7 on saturday. so far, we have pretty much ignored baby sis's birthdays. i believe the first three birthdays mean more to grownups than they do to the child. we've had plenty of other meanings in our life for baby sis's first 3 birthdays. inform the appropriate authorities and move on. baby sis has acquired her first awareness of time. her fourth birthday means she gets to move up in swim classes and starts pre-k in the fall. no, dear, it is not fall yet. i strongly suspect monday morning will find her with her backpack loaded and ready to board the school bus with big bro and big sis.
i am risking the sin of pride in our collective progress in building this new normal. methinks that is a good thing if i stay mindful of the balance. progress isnae a marble statue which never changes. life will continue to present new challenges which will change the course of yesterday's progress. methinks pride becomes deadly when i attempt to make it fixed and permanent. gots to go with the flow, wherever the flow may lead.
thoughts? do you believe pride can be a deadly sin? why?
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It's going to get hotter here with Thursday being the hottest. It's noon and 75f feels more like 80 or more.I've been cleaning up the deck in this morning and cleaning the windows outside. Then I cut up a pallet in half, I've decided to call it quits now because I went a bit light headed. Joanne, some drugs we take have an effect on us in the heat, I know a couple of mine do, maybe yours...
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Pride can be pushed into the direction of deadly sin when a lot of combined things happen, but it is not that in itself.
Anyway, to that I say I believe god is in me, and so everything I need is within me. Therefore, I trust in myself first. If I trust in myself, isn’t that then also trusting god? If that’s a sin, let alone a deadly sin… I call bullshit, haha!
Like if I have a friend that overcomes something that was so hard for them & they weren’t sure they could do it but had strength to keep going, I will be so proud of them & hope they can be proud of themselves. I think for some of us that have been beat so down it maybe can be healthy for self esteem to say it’s okay to be proud of yourself sometimes.
Like for me I don’t know if it’s from coming from a lot of traumas & pretty extreme life circumstances/abuse but slowly in therapy allowing myself to say it’s okay to be proud of something. I’m probably not explaining it rite but I’ll give example.... you know how I have jaw/neck ect. issues from the physical violence & multiple traumas to my jaw (I won’t write explicitly because I don’t want to trigger anyone but I got seriously hurt a lot over long periods of time) where I have had all kinds of troubles with it & still have the locking up & other problems ect. & still can’t open my mouth very wide.
Well anyways this week I broke one of my teeth & it REALLY hurt, now I was scared because I have severe fear of doctors/dentists, I have flashbacks when dealing with my jaw especially if someone touches it. & I’m so so scared to go to the dentist because I cannot open my mouth very wide so I’m afraid it will get even more hurt or slip ect. & ugg the pain. So today I said alright I HAVE to do something about this. So I called the jaw doctor that I have an appointment coming up end of month & told them I broke a tooth & if they knew a dentist that works on patients with jaw trauma & they said yes & gave me a number. I called & they said they could get me in so I said okay. I was sooooo scared because all the reasons above with the physical part & now this guy I never met before I was going to have to explain all the traumas that my jaw went through & pray I hold it together don’t dissociate, try not to cry to hard ect.
Well... I did it, I got myself there, I went. I took a deep breath, sat with the guy & explained a little bit with my jaw & yes teared up a bit but really tried to stay strong. Then during the visit I held it together in the chair best I could, my heart was pounding pounding, I kept taking breathes & was able to open my mouth enough (with taking breaks) & got my tooth fixed. They were very kind & had appliances to help hold jaw in place & work around the limited space of mobility I currently have with not being able to open super wide.
Anyways it’s funny that you wrote this post today because when I got home I thought, oh my gosh I can’t believe I made it through that & thought maybe I’m kinda proud of myself. I still have a long road to go but I hope that in taking the little bit of being proud of myself for today can help me in the future to not give up & remind myself to not forget to be strong when you feel so overwhelmed.
Geez sorry for my super sleep deprived ramble....
But anyways I think that’s maybe different being proud of yourself & grateful.
Then I think of it in different way it could be used in different person/context or whatever ... like if someone maybe always thinks they are rite about everything & doesn’t take the time to listen/hear/care about others & would never apologize to someone because their pride bla bla bla then that’s probably more like ... a sin or whatever you call it
I don’t know ... just what came to my mind. Bless you if you read all that
Big hugs <3
I know for me, when I was growing up, I never thought I’d be anything, do anything, or even could do anything. I just didn’t see how I could ever move beyond my day to day existence. So when I started having the smallest of victories, things other people sort of took for granted, I almost felt undeserving or even like it was only luck and I didn’t have anything to do with it, or that it wasn’t a big deal.
Somehow, not sure when, I started seeing I was the catalyst. It wasn’t just luck; it was me all along just doing the work and finding my footing. I take a lot of pride in pulling myself up and out. Still do these many years later.
So yes, be PROUD of yourself. Hell, I don’t know you and I AM PROUD OF YOU. Big hug!
i totally agree, tired. whether you call it, "pride" or "self-validation," my progress is easier to believe in when i take the time to celebrate the small victories.
rmb, i call my religious foundation, "the schism of the isms." everything from atheism to whateverism, mostly from abusively drunken mouths. i have yet to encounter a religious discussion of sin that didn't leave me dazed and confused. my therapy acquired definition of sin is, "that which hurts." i totally agree that missy is amazing and we should be ever so proud of her.
missy, i am ever so glad you let yourself ramble. it is a most excellent example of where i feel like pride is a powerful force.
Thanks Arfie for always elevating the discussion bar just a smidge.
no es mas que la verdad, missy.