Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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barnowl 07/26/2014

So my dad just had surprise triple bypass surgery. He went in for a check up because he hasn't been feeling well for a year or so now and the doctor rushed him into surgery. He had three blockages and one of those blockages was in an artery/vein/something called the widow maker. The doctor said he was surprised my dad hadn't died on us. I feel extra guilty because he went on a long bike ride with me a week before this all happened in 99 degree heat, and I had been pushing him to go harder and peddling as fast as I could. I had been smug that I was in better shape than he was because all my life he has been on me about my body. He is in flawless shape for his age...the blockages were hereditary. Needless to say after the surgery I felt like an ass. I could have killed him! We have an okay relationship. I have pulled away a little in my teens and twenties. We have never had a very affectionate relationship since I was child. I am afraid he doesn't know I love him, but we just don't say I love you like that. I did for the first time in the hospital after his surgery... Now I am constantly preoccupied with the thoughts of both my parents dying. I am constantly dreaming about it. I feel the need to be home all the time to spend time with them and make sure my dad's okay. When I go out, I have massive panic attacks over them possibly dying while i'm not home. I cry about it a lot and it is really interfering with my life. Any advice?

mginmn 07/27/2014

Clearly you love your parents very much even if they did not always express their own love to you. That is a very good thing. And good for you for telling him you loved him. Many families never say these things. I lost my parents as a kid, and while that was hard in many ways I think losing them as an adult is harder in some ways because there is a longer relationship. I don't know what works for you, but perhaps you could give each of your parents a special gift of some kind, even if it's just a letter or poem telling them how much you love them and how they will always be with you. Maybe you can also arrange to get an instant message on your phone or beeper if anything happens to them.

Crispymomma 07/27/2014

I think that you are just reacting that way because it was such a shock and so recent. My father also has hereditary blockages and had his first heart attack at age 40. But he is still around. He is now 57 and is fine. It is great to spend time with them. I call and check in and visit a few times a week with mine, but you will need to find away to feel at ease while you are away. I think that the anxiety around this will ease with time from this episode, but just checking on them will put your mind at ease. I am sure that your father knows that you love him and that you were not trying to kill him on your bike ride : ) My dad and I were kind of competitive with tennis and swimming when I was younger and he knew it was just fun. I am sure that your dad does too. It doesn't matter if they say it or not, always tell them you love them when you want to. You may be surprised when they start saying it too. : )

Reed31 07/27/2014

Your reaction and feelings sound absolutely perfectly healthy and normal to me.

You are working through all of the thoughts and feelings and behaviors anyone in your place would need to work through.

When something happens SO suddenly it really jerks us awake and we're giving the opportunity to reevaluate everything and sort out how we want our relationships to look. But it can be really jolting.

Perhaps use this time as a time to reflect on life and consider how you want things to look going forward.

I get the panic part too. When we have such an experience and think about someone suddenly being gone from our life, it's scary. That said, we can also look at how everyone came together to save your dad. So many people devoted to helping. And perhaps family and community is also coming together to offer help?

Panic can be shifted by considering other perspectives.

BabyMonkey 07/27/2014

I have a friend who had a massive heart attack at 40 and had a quadruple bypass and is in his mid 50's now. He actually died but they revived him. He has issues now but he has diabetes and never took care of it like he should have so that is why he struggles now. I also have a hard time expressing my love to my parents. Parents know we love them though. Don't ever feel like they don't know that you love them! Also just always enjoy your time with your parents. We never know when something is going to happen to anyone even ourselves. Why waste all of our time worrying then we miss out on just being happy with them! We could ALL die tomorrow so let's enjoy our time together today. I totally understand though, anxiety is really tough! Maybe express your fears with your parents?

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