Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Thank you to whoever is taking the time to read this. In summary my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years, living together for 1. (I am 21 he is 23) he has a substance abuse problem with alcohol and cocaine it all started when the woman who raised him passed away suddently 2 years ago. He will drink which leads to drugs, hes caused me a tremendous amount of emotional agony as i suffer from anxiety and depression in the first place. He lies, goes long whiles with no contact when hes on a binge, has lost jobs and has stolen from me and given his posessions away for cash(for drugs). Which causes me more anxiety due to the fact i dont know where he is or what hes doing which the unknown kills me. He has gotten his life together past 6 months year with only 2 relapses. We agreed he wouldnt drink as it causes him want drugs. And he stopped hanging out with his friends whom share that lifestyle. He gets verbally abusive when hes under the influence and has only been mildly violent once. But today he told me didnt ask that he was going out to drink whether i like it or not as apprently i am so controlling and dont let him do anything so i have no choice but to deal with it, although due to his past it causes me great panic attacks to even think about him going out as i dont want him in those situations. As thing have been so good. He promises he will only be drinking but in my gut i know it will turn into more. Its so hard to end it as ive devoted my life for him to be better it feels as if ive failed too. Ive been havig panic attacks all night and havent slept as hes just disappeared again and i feel like im going crazy.
Thank you for reading all the way through.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
You and I are simply not qualified to handle the complexities of addictive behaviour. Instead we suffer the consequences and its not the same thing. The former is healing (counselling for you is also sounding like an idea) and the latter is harmful and unlike him, you get no high - you only get the down. Bum deal, if I ever heard one.
The first thing I would demand for my sanity and self respect is honesty. If he can't tell you what he is up to or what he has done and own it, then its time to cut your loses and look for a real man. Demand honesty. Punish lies and punish uncertainty. Text me when you are going to "go for a while" at very least. Maybe show him how it feels like when you dont come home for a night or two.
(stay at a gf place as i am probably guessing this guy has taken nearly all your energy and time and she might appreciate the attention of her old friend.)
If friends have already given up on you - stay with parents but beware you don't want to create more drama by spilling your guts and then not leaving exactly as you and mom planned over that bottle of red.
You are NOT responsible for his choices, his decisions, his words. You are responsible for your well-being, your choices, your decisions.
When you change your response, and their usual response no longer fits, it changes. Not always for the best, and that means changing your response to fit your well-being first.
Be cautious what you share with people. This is a long-term situation with a lot of feelings mixed in all directions.
Best wishes.
Congratulations on finding the courage to end the relationship. I used Alanon to help me deal with the overwhelming challenges of loving people with drug and alcohol abuse problems, but ending the relationship is also a valid solution.
Gentle support while you find happiness again. Welcome aboard.