Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
2020 really turned my life upside down, especially these last couple of months. My mental health as slowly deteriorated as the months went by. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend due to my overthinking triggering my anxiety after he had told me he has plans to move back down south to be closer to his son in 2 years (which I completely understand). I panicked and began thinking about 100 different scenarios of what could happen, and couldn't get it out of my head that he was eventually to leave me. He said I could come with him if i wanted to and if we were still together but my anxiety made me act on impulse and as i took time to think about what I did I knew that he was right. I should've taken time to process my emotions and when I actually did I realized what I had done. I apologized and put my pride aside (which takes a lot to come from me) but I did anyways. He said he needed time to think so I gave him some time and today he told me there was no going back on to what I did with breaking up with him. Of course I've cried, I couldn't go to work with my mind racing at a 1000 miles per hour. I'm angry at him, and at myself for allowing him to see me in my most vulnerable state, I let down all my walls that I had built due to past relationships. My close friend and sister are telling me that it's not my fault but why I do I feel that it is. The way he told me it was over for good made me feel that way too. I know I am a difficiult person to love but this just made me feel worse. I don't blame him seen as dating with someone that has anxiety on top of dealing with your own mental health isn't easy but I'm disappointed and hurt. I'm ready to start therapy in a couple of weeks, my anxiety is winning the battle so far but I don't want to let it win. The irony of all of this is that my first therapy session is on our monthaversary.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
It was good that you know now that he is going to move away. This is something you need to know early on. That is a deal breaker for most people. If you weren't sure if you were going to move with him, and he wasn't sure either really if you should move with him, then it's better not to get too emotionally involved, only to know that it would all end in 2 years at the most. And what if he moved back sooner than 2 years. And would you be the step mother to his son... where is the mother of his child? It would have been a lot of anxiety and stress, to stay in this relationship. You also said he deals with some mental illness. That is a lot of pressure for you to deal with and you have to be up for dealing with his mental illness, while you are trying to work on your own. It seems to me that you are looking for something more stable and long term. Not a 2 year (or less) relationship. It would have hurt even more later, had you stayed together longer and then he moves.
You made the right decision to end this. I don't think you acted impulsively. You acted on your survival instinct. Your instinct, or your gut feeling, was telling you this isn't really what you want in a long term relationship. I know it hurts a lot now. That is good you are starting therapy. Now is the time to work on yourself. Before you are ready to be in a relationship. There are some things about yourself you have mentioned before that you would like to work on. Then later, you will be in a much better place to be in a relationship with someone.
You're going to be okay. Keep writing it out in a journal, or on here. Writing it out will help you feel better.
Thank you so much for taking the time to post your advice on my posts. I know I don’t usually respond but I am reading them and it does really help.
Yes, it will hurt. But look at all that you accomplished. You started opening up to someone, you were vulnerable with someone.... good for you!!!
You learned a lot about yourself from this dating experience. You can walk away knowing that you are going to be OKAY. You are getting better each day.
Also, I didn't like the way he said "He said I could come with him if I wanted to and if we were still together". What does that supposed to mean... you can come if YOU wanted to... and "IF we are still together......" Hmph! You are not the one that wanted to move, or wanted him to move! To me, that didn't sound too promising on his part. And the fact that you apologized soon after, and he was like - "Nope!!!" Shows me he is inflexible and not even wanting to give this a chance.
Continuing a relationship with this person would have caused you more anxiety and more stress and more worrying.
I was in a 1 year relationship once where my guy (age 22 at the time) talked about missing his parents and brothers, who lived a couple states away. I didn't think much of it. He never talked about moving back to his family or anything. He had a job and an apartment here. But... he did mention his family a lot... and one day he just up and left and moved back to his family (over 1200 miles away). No notice or even telling me or talking to me about it. Left me a note! Just up and left town. I had NO idea he was even planning to move to his family at all. Wow! I was completely shocked. (By the way, this was many years ago, and I don't even think about him ever anymore, even though I was pretty devastated at the time!)
My point is with this guy, you know the moving is coming, and that alone can cause anxiety for you, and it's not a great feeling to have it in the back of your mind. He could very well move back sooner than the 2 years that he is saying now.
Focus on yourself now. Get your therapy going. Keep talking to your friend and sister. I also know a good break up book to read if you'd like to read it.
You are going to be okay. And we are here for you :)
Dunno. . .
The story of 2020 is still evolving. . .
Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
I am tempted to call it, "Poetic" that your first therapy appointment falls on a breakup monthaversary, Could you ask for a better opportunity to vent and sort the confusions and heartaches attached? But I am only tempted. It remains yours to sort and label, as needed.
Continued support while you sort.
You've learned a lot with this experience, and, made a decision. Once the unintended consequences of that decision came out, you realized that it was not one of those 'do-over' choices.
Here's to your recovery and to finding your better balance.