Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hey guys, I’m new here, and not entirely sure how this works but I’m going to try. Feedback would be appreciated :) (please forgive grammar errors and such - I just kind of vented)
I’m a student at a “brand name” college. Since school started ive been struggling with depression and anxiety. I have panic attacks 4-5 times a day - shortness of breath, shaking, crying, lots of negative self talk. Some causes may be that i have no friends here, im homesick, classes are hard and ive been failing exams, etc. I get into this loop of hating myself and wanting to quit and needing to punish myself and its a lot of negativity and i dont know how to stop spiraling down like this.
I’m not suicidal - i care about my parents too much, but ideally i would have internal motivation too. I don’t self harm but recently when i have panic attacks and get frustrated i’ll want to take out my anger on something so i might punch a pillow or pinch myself or slap myself to focus so im not sure if that means anything.
I moved between states after 9th grade - it took me two and a half years to feel “settled” in my new school and I still barely considered myself to have friends. I was very involved in science research, and that became my identity. It got to the point where lots of people knew who I was, but only saw me as “the research kid”. Even my so-called friends didn’t know me past chemistry and academics. A lot of my “success” in that sense has been fairly lucky. I think I deserved to do decent in science fairs - but definitely not as well as I ended up doing. So when people tell me “oh you won xxx nothing else matters you can’t think bad things about yourself” i get frustrated because i didnt deserve a lot of what I have, and last I checked, questioning myself to improve myself is valid no matter what. In college, it frustrates me when the few things I’m supposed to be good at - that I know I’m good at and love - aren’t translated on exams or just isnt enough to do well.
Anyway - back to the anxiety.
I hate things out of my control and I cope by planning out every minute (literally, obsessively) of my day and that’s not healthy.
I’m looking for both in the moment type help and long term help. For long term I have started counseling on campus, but I know results aren’t immediate. It all sounds nice in theory there, but things don’t work when I try to implement them.
I dont want panic attacks becoming chronic. i cried myself to sleep last night. It’s impossible to be truly alone and have your own space in college. Sometimes its like theres no winning. When im with people, i get social anxiety and am super aware of how not-close I am with them and how im not close with anyone here. If im alone i get mad that im lonely and am so incapable of making one friend. Similarly, with work, If classes stress me out, studying stressed me out too, because im aware of how little i know and how unprepared i am, but trying to take a break frustrates me too because i should be spending that time working. Theres no escape. I want an escape.
Like i cant count the number of times ive wanted to just go home and not be in college but lowkey i dont want to quit i just also cant handle being here every day miserable. Transferring is an option technically but during good times I don’t want to quit and I know I hate restarting.
I’m in this perpetual state of being clear about where I am and where I want to be, but not sure how to get there.
overall I’m a very shy person and honestly kind of insecure because I dont think my “problems” merit all the stress I give them, which is why I don’t share them all too often (also no one to share with...)
So I’m not sure if that was cohesive or clear at all, but I’d be happy to clarify, discuss some more, and listen to any feedback!
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
-
"don't be a hate hole" has been one of my recent mantras which seems to be escaping my mouth more and more often. it emerges when i am faced with the endless list of chores i would rather not deal with. insurance. head lice. bureaucracy. in-laws. the list goes on and on and on and on, ad infinitum.reality checks requested. am i making sense?"ever'thin they is but loving leaves a rust on your...
Start using the skills that work for science process to help you manage the feelings. Keeping a journal will help you find pattern of thought, and you can change those pattern of thought to working for you.
You can do this, and you are not alone. Welcome to this group.
Welcome to DS...
Your several times a day Anxiety may be just one long one. But certain things happen in our daily lives that get our brains thinking and we forget about the Anxiety for a little while.
Its Great that your seeing a counselor. That's a major step. And yes, nothing works over night.
Everyone's different, and like medication, everything works different for individuals.
I go outside and walk. Cold for me is usually a quick shock to my system and my thoughts. Also.... Going into a bathroom and washing my face with very cold water.
Eating ice cream. I know..... sounds stupid. I keep stick ice cream in the freezer. Ice cream is cold.... and it's a feel good food.
Do you Cook your own foods? If so.... or your able to make changes to your diet. Go on the internet and type in, Foods for Anxiety and for Depression.
Your diet Won't change a lot. Believe me, diet can be a huge mental health changer. But it takes weeks and people don't continue with it. Though they keep saying "I've tried everything". Also.... There's foods that cause more anxiety and depression.
The good foods will raise your dopamine level and your serotonin levels. (Your feel good chemicals in your body).
Play more relaxing music. Watch more comedy/lite adventure type movies. Calm yourself and study for school at night.
Remember, your a good person and it sounds like your parents are good too.
Making friends is easy. Making real long lasting friendships, take time.
Take things slow, remember everyone wants to be normal and happy and healthy. Everyone walks around asking themselves if they are those things.
Good luck, keep posting and write in the journal they have here. Its great therapy. And you can make your journal private, public or just for friends.
Hugs!!!
“Anxiety that feeds upon itself will continue to increase”. Wow. I could not have articulated that feeling any better. I agree that writing and articulating emotion into words makes the crazy emotions feel more certain, understandable, and solvable, much like science. I guess what I have trouble discerning is when my self criticism is too critical/injurious, and when it is merited (whether it be merited for self improvement or just objectively merited in the sense that it’s critical and objectively true, but doesn’t cause any insecurity or change in confidence)
“Your several times a day anxiety may be just one long one. But certain things happen in our daily lives that get our brains thinking and we foget about he anxiety for a little while”. That’s so interesting - I never thought of it that way. Thank you for the new perspective.
I rely on the sub-ideal dining hall food, but I still have some control over what I eat, and I can always try to go get groceries to store in my minifridge and can cook in the dorm kitchenette/my microwave.
It’s interesting to consider diet - it makes sense that diet is directly related to hormone levels.
Still exploring this site, so thank you for the tip on the journals!
Triple hugs right back <3
I mentioned above that I’m not suicidal because I care about my family and maybe lowkey dont want to quit (though at the height of attacks yes i would do anything to escape), but sometimes I wish my internal motivation was stronger. And while I don’t self harm, my releases to heightened frustrations include punching a pillow, or more recently slapping myself to focus.
Is this something to be worried about/monitor more closely? I’ve never mentioned it before so I don’t know whats normal or what to think and would appreciate any feedback/insight.
Thanks <3
Thank you for the advice! I find that I get frustrated that I'm crying and obsessing over something not worth my time, and that leads to more crying and obsessing. I think that's something I need to try to train myself in during my "good moments" - to slowly learn how to control my emotions.