Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hi everyone,
So, dailystrength was recommended to me today and I decided to join and begin sharing. I can go into further detail if needed, but the biggest issue I've been having is this underlying feeling of what I can only refer to as anxiousness. It's like a meshwork of anxiety, depression and stress, with anxiety being the most prominent player. I can only describe it as an itch that I can't scratch. I'm not sure if this is the appropriate forum for this, but lately I've been feeling as though suicide may be the only thing that can relieve me of that itching. I am a college student, and it has had a severe impact on me. I can sit in front of an open textbook and two hours will pass without me reading a single word, or even noticing how much time has passed. It hasn't been brought upon by school, per say, as I have done extremely well in all of my classes this semester. But, it is definitely being prodded along by some personal things in my life. Namely my relationship. We have been together for 4 years, as of this month, and for as long as I can remember whenever we have an issue, my significant other will inculpate me with the entirety of the blame, guilt and shame, while clearing herself of any wrongdoing whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, there are absolutely instances where I am the instigator, and the blame fully rests on my shoulders. But the problem is that for 4 years, the blame has only ever rested on my shoulders. Whether justifiably or not. Lately it's been taking a significant toll on me. Inducing this feeling of worthlessness, while simultaneously resulting in me feeling nothing at all. No blame, no guilt, no shame. Just nothing. But that has brought with it this unexplainable anxiety. Nothing that I attempt to do alleviates the feeling, not that I can do anything anyway as the anxiety seems to prevent me from accomplishing, quite literally, anything. The best way that I can describe it is the classic scene in war movies: the sound of bullets, explosions and yelling can be heard all around the character on-screen until there is an explosion in close proximity to him that drowns out all of the other sounds, and the only audible thing that can be heard is a constant monotone white noise. Well, in my case the white noise is the anxiety. Every other feeling has been drowned out and is not really present anymore, but the anxiety is there in its constant monotony.
Thank you to anyone willing to read this and offer any suggestions.
But to do that with always being on alert for someone to lay blame? I can understand the white noise interference. I am a widow, but have been married twice. One very good and one not so good(mild reference). My second husband was in support of who and what I wanted. He supported me in making dreams to ideas to reality. The first always thought what I tried was taking some of me away from him, so I was blamed often. I'm sure your partner is not as bad as he, but I stayed to long, just barely getting out alive. Finding my second husband was so different I didn't believe it. He said I supported him in what he wanted, so it went both ways.
So... Have you decided that this relationship is a help or a hindrance? I know there is always more than the surface your post says, otherwise why 4 years.
I can tell you that if you feel this way, maybe it's time to think about the perimeters you are in, and if you want them. You know best, just have to believe it.
Support.
J.
Second, you need to decide if the relationship your in is worth it and if it makes you a better person. Have things always been this way in the relationship or is this new or newer? Did something happen that caused the change? If this has been on going 4 years is a long time to put up with that and it probably has become a habit. If it is new or newer and nothing has triggered her behavior then I would say something may be underlying. In my honest opinion I can say that you probably should be blunt and honest with her and lay it all out. And then decide if the relationship is worth it or not. One thing to look at is if she makes you happy and if you are a better person because of the relationship. To be honest from your post it sounds like it is time to end it or seek couples counseling if you truly believe she is the one.
I have had that itch you can't scratch and I have self harmed. I won't go into details on your post, but I can say that SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!! If you don't want to talk to a crisis worker but you feel you need one... send them a text. It helps! You are welcome to send me a message if you need to talk.
And lastly school.... Glad to hear your grades are not being affected yet, but if you don't get control on some other things then they might just suffer as well. I know that I find it hard to do things when I feel depressed, anxious and stressed. You can also talk to the crisis workers about this.
I hope you find the support you need and get feeling better! Remember, there is no magic pill or cure, but it does get better and manageable! Everyone has a bad day!
First thing I would like to suggest is that you really evaluate your relationship. If its not productive and supportive, it will have a huge negative impact on you in general (anxiety and beyond!). If you want to try to keep it going, then open communication up and see a couples counselor. You cannot allow someone to emotionally abuse you.
Second thing I suggest is that you take some time each day for you. Do something solely for you. Exercise is a good thing. Yoga. Meditation is great. But you need to find something to do even if only for a short time each day.
Third thing is to research cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This is what I used to create recovery in my life - and I have seen it help so many people who suffer from anxiety and depression.
Wishing you peace!