Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I had been feeling a little better the past couple of days with my anxiety and had been able to control it better than usual. I think part of it was realizing some of the 'sad feelings' I couldn't name, was partially depression. And even though that's not great news, putting a name to it and trying to get it under control seemed to help me.
Well, then I had another event happen, and I'm back to square one and am just devastated. I had some ringing in my ears a while back, so I had an appointment at a ENT doc to get it checked out. Well I should have just let it go b/c I seemed to be dealing with it okay after a while and ignored it. The doc appt went fine and they said my hearing was good and didn't see anything wrong, so that was good, but also scary b/c they couldn't do anything about the ringing. But that wasn't the problem. The testing they did included some sort of test where they put something in your ear and put pressure on something in your ear to test it. I don't know exactly what it was for. Well the tech did it 3 times to get a good print out of it, but it was an uncomfortable procedure. it's like major ear pressure for a second and she did it 3 times. Again I didn't say anything and I just forgot about it, but later that evening, I all of a sudden noticed my ears hurt a little bit deep in side. Almost like on the bottom of the inside of my ear.
I was worried about it and talked myself out of a panic attack thank goodness, but here I am, day 2, and I am still noticing it. I called the doc and he said the testing usually wouldn't cause anything like that, but if it gets worse to let him know on Monday. So it's been really hard to not focus on it, and I'm pretty sure I'm over focusing on it now and making it worse than it is, because it's actually not that bad, it's just that I'm noticing it. I'm scared it's something that could be permanent like the ear ringing, which I pray to God isn't permanent either. But I can't let it go, and I think about it with almost every word I say and I feel like I need to constantly pop my ears now too, which isn't good. I don't want to have to go back to the doc b/c that means calling my PCM for another referral just to go back to the doc to tell them they don't see anything. It's humiliating b/c everyone knows I have anxiety and probably think I'm making it all up. But it's really bothering me.
How can I get back on a healing path again and have confidence that I can get better? How do I stop focusing on my ears, without feeling like I"m acting artificial? I just want to cry, but am doing my best to be strong for my 2 small children. How do I get through this? :(
Well, then I had another event happen, and I'm back to square one and am just devastated. I had some ringing in my ears a while back, so I had an appointment at a ENT doc to get it checked out. Well I should have just let it go b/c I seemed to be dealing with it okay after a while and ignored it. The doc appt went fine and they said my hearing was good and didn't see anything wrong, so that was good, but also scary b/c they couldn't do anything about the ringing. But that wasn't the problem. The testing they did included some sort of test where they put something in your ear and put pressure on something in your ear to test it. I don't know exactly what it was for. Well the tech did it 3 times to get a good print out of it, but it was an uncomfortable procedure. it's like major ear pressure for a second and she did it 3 times. Again I didn't say anything and I just forgot about it, but later that evening, I all of a sudden noticed my ears hurt a little bit deep in side. Almost like on the bottom of the inside of my ear.
I was worried about it and talked myself out of a panic attack thank goodness, but here I am, day 2, and I am still noticing it. I called the doc and he said the testing usually wouldn't cause anything like that, but if it gets worse to let him know on Monday. So it's been really hard to not focus on it, and I'm pretty sure I'm over focusing on it now and making it worse than it is, because it's actually not that bad, it's just that I'm noticing it. I'm scared it's something that could be permanent like the ear ringing, which I pray to God isn't permanent either. But I can't let it go, and I think about it with almost every word I say and I feel like I need to constantly pop my ears now too, which isn't good. I don't want to have to go back to the doc b/c that means calling my PCM for another referral just to go back to the doc to tell them they don't see anything. It's humiliating b/c everyone knows I have anxiety and probably think I'm making it all up. But it's really bothering me.
How can I get back on a healing path again and have confidence that I can get better? How do I stop focusing on my ears, without feeling like I"m acting artificial? I just want to cry, but am doing my best to be strong for my 2 small children. How do I get through this? :(
Your ears will either get better or worse. If they get worse, go back. You can still hear so it is nothing serious. Pressure could be as simple as sinuses draining.
Focus on something else (a favorite hobby, a book, playing games with your children, exercising, working in the yard, cooking something special). When you "dive" into something you like doing, your brains sends signals to your body to calm down naturally.
Smile:-) It will be OK.
I know it sounds so trivial, but 'feeling' this ear thing all the time, makes me feel like I'm going to lose it. So I'm working on getting through this. :(
Good point with saying it will get better or it will get worse. You're right, I never really thougth of it that way. I guess I'm just worried it will stay the same and I'll always feel this stupid pressure. :( Uugh, anxiety, you are not my friend.
Thanks for your reply Kacc, you did boost my spirits. :)
But that is what has to be done. You have to speak to yourself like you would speak to your child if they came to you with the same problem. If your child didn't believe you, would you just give up and go let them cry all night in their bed? Of course not..... you would try doing things to take their mind off of it, or you would talk to them lovingly and reassuringly until they trusted you and believed what you said. This is what you have to do for yourself. Eventually you will start to trust yourself and you will build up those self-calming skills and you will not only be able to make yourself feel better, but you will find you think about it less and less.
I have an eardrum that thumps every time I speak in a somewhat loud voice. And I have 5 kids that I am constantly having to yell at, so my ear just thump, thump, thumps all day long. It drives me nuts. At first it terrified me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was scared it would be there the rest of my life and I was right...it is. But I am so un-afraid of it now, after learning to calm myself down and change my train of thought, that I rarely even notice it anymore.
Def call your doctor if it doesn't get better though..just to be on the safe side.
Remember that our worry is an addiction. It is a compulsion....and it can be almost a "relief" when something comes along that gives us an excuse to dwell over and obsess about. In the beginning stages of anxiety recovery....trying not to worry is work. It is hard and it feels uncomfortable and it sucks. It is much easier to just give in and worry then to deal with all of that....so we are kind of glad when a supposed "real" worry comes along that gives us permission to worry, worry, worry...
I am not saying this is what is going on with you, but just something to think about!
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And you were exactly right about allowing myself to let anxiety and worry take me over. It was weird, when I was feeling better, it's like I wouldn't really allow myself to give in to feeling good. I was always on the lookout for that one trigger that would get me. I was sure I couldn't just feel good. And low and behold, I found one. :( But I think you are so right, it's like I wanted it, which is weird b/c it's really the last thing I want. But I'm just so used to feeling that way it's like I didn't know what to do with myself, or my thoughts. So maybe that's why I found another worry, to get back in my 'comfort' zone again. Thanks for this info, that was really helpful and I really believe you're right.
Sadly, the ear that was really bothering me with the pressure is now ringing like it never has before, so I'm scared there really is something going on and it makes me feel sick to my stomach now b/c I'm worried about it. :( But I will take to heart everything you wrote and hopefully it will all get better. Thank-you sooo much!!