I was on 200mg of sertraline for 8 years and then in March started tapering down to 50mg bc my husband and I wanted to see if I could get off meds in case we decided to get pregnant. I was best when I was above the 50 dose, but was still able to feel ok on 50 but with some more downs than on the high doses. But i figured i'd ride it out.
I got a new job in the beginning of November and the week leading up i started noticing my anxiety/depression creeping back and i was abnormally nervous to start, for no apparent reason. Then it hit me really really hard the first day and I didnt even know if i could make it in the second day bc of crippling anxiety. I cried the whole first week and was so confused bc there was nothing wrong with the job or people, so I knew it must've been deeper.
My psychiatrist had me increase slowly back up to 200mg over a 4 week period and I hardly feel better. I increased to 200mg last night. Sleep has been really hard. I've been needing to take xanax every night;( Then during the day I'm really tired and it heightens my anxiety.
Some days, I feel like I haven't progressed at all and am back to square 1. I'm feeling super duper defeated and worried that it won't help and I'll just blame it on my job and quit and be a hermit:( So dramatic, I know. I just want to feel like myself again and stop blaming the job bc i actually do like it.
My anxiety is at an all time high. My job is busy, my housework is very behind, and I feel like I cant keep up.
When I get anxious I tend to catastrophize. I mean like crazy unreasonable " what ifs". I think I watch too many movies lol. I have to laugh sometimes to diffuse the anxiety of the thoughts which come from anxiety. So it is like a vicious circle. I don't know if I am making sense! I know the worry is unrealistic and unfounded but find it disturbing to have the thoughts. Ugh!