Anxiety Support Group
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Hello all,
I hope you are all doing well (given the current circumstances). I have come on here to seek support, and perhaps this will be a little controversial, but please hear me out. I have been a bit depressed since the election results on Tuesday. Let me tell you that I am struggling. I am struggling, mainly because on Tuesday, my father basically told me how he really sees me. He argued with me about the candidate I was going to vote for, because he didn't agree with them. Basically told me that the only reason I wasn't going to vote for who he wanted was because "I don't believe in God", which is obviously not true. But it's more than that. Let me tell you a little more about myself.
I don't quite like organized religion, particularly because of my dad. He has quite literally taken everything he has seen from ultra ultra anti-lgbtq and anti women priests that he has seen on youtube and facebook and ran with that. He doesn't accept people like me (doesn't know my sexuality and for good reason) but he also doesn't like that I don't agree with his views. Yes as a teen and even now I've been open about my criticism of organized religion, particularly because I started pushing back as I got older and learned more about the history of the church and how it was ran and how I have been perceiving it through my own church and my father.
This by no means, means that I do not believe in God. I believe there is a god, I have my own relationship with god, and I am quite comfortable with where I am with that.
Going back to my original part of the story, basically my dad accused me of not believing in god, said that basically my reasons for voting for the other candidate that wasn't going to decide what I can and can't do with my body, was basically the devil. My dad is a crazy fanatic, and I think i've known this for a long time. But it hurts. I'm his only daughter, and he basically voted against me. He chose his religion over his own daughter, and frankly, that hurts. I feel betrayed.
We haven't talked since Tuesday, but theres this immense pressure from my mother and brother to talk to my father. But the thing is... I'm tired of having to explain myself to him. He's far gone. He used to be my hero as a kid, but now... it's like I don't know this man anymore. He made the choice against me, against things that are likely going to affect me because of my health conditions, and he didn't care. He did not care because he values his religion over his own daughter.
I don't hate Catholicism, I don't hate religion. I just hate who the people preaching it and twisting it into creating hatred have my dad into. This isn't right. And I'm sad.
I miss my dad.
*Note: I will probably offend people with what I posted, not my intention, but this is what I'm currently living through. I welcome God into my life, I really do, and I do my best to be a good person, I just have alot of conflicting feelings is all.*
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
i'm a bit confused by the long venting about your dad's yaddah blahs, then follow up with the most potent line in your post. "i miss my dad." do you like him, or not? it's a fine and fuzzy line between love and hate, so it is entirely possible to love and hate someone at the same time.
just wondering. . .
steadying support while you find your way through.
I hate how all of this came between our relationship?
And I am a Christian.
I'm not offended in the slightest.
In fact it very deeply saddens me that you are having to go through this with your dad.
It's very sad and unfortunate that so many have forgotten that God is love.
All these groups you see protesting out side abortion clinics, hating and shunning lbgtq, I personally don't believe those things are of God.
(even if the people doing them are using His name)
Jesus did not use shame hate or violence.....only love and truth.
It so very sad how badly we as people can mess things up so badly.
Please let me apologize to you on behalf of my fellow Christians.
I'm so very sorry you're going through this not just with your dad, but also with the church.
I promise you. We are not all that way.
for what it's worth
whatever the dogma being spouted at me, i work to detach and just let them ramble. i shoot to take what i like and leave the rest. i sing a john prine song in my head while i let them ramble freely.
"everybody needs somebody that they can talk to.
"someone to open up their ears and let their troubles through.
"no, you don't have to sympathize
"nor care what they may do
"but everybody needs somebody that they can talk to."
another fwiw
i am frequently amazed at how many flavors of dogma there are in this world. spiritual dogma is only the tip of the dogmatic iceberg.
With my own folks, we never talked politics and we all went to vote all the time. My folks never asked me who I voted for, I never asked them, and I don't ask my son who he voted for a few weeks ago. He doesn't ask me. We have talked current events so he likely knows and I think I know about him but it isn't respectful to ask people how they voted or tell them they are wrong.
What has happened to mutual respect?
I think nowadays, people want everyone to be the same as their own beliefs.
Sometimes we have to be tolerant of other people. Would you say you can be tolerant of your dad and whatever his political viewpoints are? Maybe he can't tolerate your beliefs which is bad on him, but you do not have to try to change him nor share your personal beliefs with him.
Try being just tolerant and not seeing his views as 100% wrong and yours being 100% right. That will help you all throughout your life. At jobs, in relationships, just allow people to believe how they believe and stop trying to change them.
In my old ladies bookclub we have a rule no politics or religion but a few women are vehement anti-man and anti-man the winning politician. Just crazy talk. It drives me crazy and puts a wedge between our friendship. I have to tolerate their beliefs but I am not anti-man nor do I hate men. I am a woman and this hate men stuff bothers me.
We set internal boundaries that we will not discuss religion or politics with anyone. That means we get up and leave the room, we end the phone call, etc. We set the internal boundary, our boundary, that we stop ourselves from responding to politics or religion.
That is all we can do. In the 1970's we used to say "different strokes for different folks" and just tolerated people more. Remind yourself of this saying when you are feeling like dad is totally wrong, ignorant, horrible, whatever. Or if he talks politics, maybe just use that phrase with your dad and don't get sucked into a discussion. Or a boss or coworker or anyone in our lives.
I have been saying this to myself lately when people have been so upset at politics. But when they start to bash others, I walk away. I won't participate in the blame game, the name calling game, the ugly mouthed stuff.
There is nothing offensive in your post.
Here's the thing, though. You are NOT responsible for what your dad thinks, says, and does. His choice, his problem, and his consequence. You are responsible for what you say, do, and think. In other words, treat yourself with respect, no matter what words are slung across the conversation.
You are stronger than you realize, and in expressing this dilemma, you've tried to expose everything you could be aware of, to help find a long term resolution for this challenge.
Here's to you figuring out what works for you!
Hand onto those good memories of your Dad (I am willing to bet they are from when you were too young to discuss or be "groomed" for his way of thinking)
You are discovering who you are and what you believe and you are entitled. It sounds like your Dad is old school Catholic and feels it is his job to make sure you become the same. I think many on here are right and it is best not to try to explain your view because he will just use this to try to argue and eventually control you.
Remember the good memories and agree to disagree and maybe try to avoid those arguments and just focus on you.
((hugs))
My dad and I always argue. He's controlling, and he still tries to control me in my 40s. I only had a good relationship when I lived out of state 15 years ago. I tried some years after that to maintain that good relationship and well it went down the drain. He's only proud of me if I do things his way, and I don't get agree to his ways. Maybe some but not all. So we fight. Same when it comes to my daughter.
He doesn't care what I have to say or what I do and it's his way. He disrespects me alot and my feelings and my Mom's. Because he is the father and thinks he's a king. He says I'm totally disrespectful as a child to a parent, and I say go ahead and think that but what goes around comes around, so you are getting your disrespect to other right back.
It's awful. But I talk back because I'm not taking his stuff. Sometimes I ignore him and that makes him mad too. I thought when he got older it would settle down, and it has, but not to the point I had hoped.
I get what you mean about missing him, when things were good. And honestly I'm moving out of state again. It's the only way for us to have a good relationship. And at his age, I dont want something to happen to him and last time we spoke was arguing.
It's stressful arguing with him and I get it. I don't know if arguing back solves much, but in my dad's case it did settle down. Just not the extent I had hoped. So I basically don't talk to him much anymore amd try to ignore him. Because I'm tired of arguing. Maybe try ignoring him I don't know. People like that you can't change, just the reaction. And I admit mine are not great, but I got tired of his stuff he said to me and I chose to stick up to him. And it's always a battle with him. I'm sorry I wish I had better advice.
I miss the idea of my dad. He died years ago and I still miss what could have been. But I do not regret caring enough about myself to protect my own peace. Unfortunately there is still a price to pay for all of it. I think it comes down to what price a person is willing to pay for that peace.
I don’t know your dad obviously but he sounds like he would rather be right (in his mind) than happy. I think that comes from fear. Fear of loss of control. Fear of admitting fault. Fear of who knows. When I think about fear being a driver, it helps me not internalize others’ behavior so much. It’s just hard when it’s a parent. There are so many family dynamics involved it’s hard to compartmentalize in those situations.
Wish it was easier.